"So you told Megan about me this morning?"  I asked my Mother as we drove back. 
"What did you say?"

"I told her last night, when I got back from the Wilsons'.  You gave me quite a
shock last night, you know, and I had to talk to someone.  We decided this would
be a bit of an experiment," said Mom, keeping her eyes on the road.  "That you
had a couple of things to work out.  You've always been very special to her, you
know."

"Megan's pretty cool", I said.

"Anyway, you know I can't afford to buy you clothes, and I'm not sure I'm all
that happy about you borrowing Marcia's, so..."

"Marcia's okay, too,"  I said.  "She doesn't mind.  I think she's got even more
clothes than Megan.  She brought these clothes over today, I didn't ask or
anything."

"I know", said my Mom, "but it's better if you don't have to borrow things from
her.  Mind you, we still need to get you some more casual clothes from somewhere,
all that stuff of Megan's is a bit dressy."

"So, is that what this is, an experiment?"

She looked across at me quickly, then back to the road.  "I suppose so. I did a
lot of thinking last night, after you went to bed.  I know you said you hadn't
done this before, but there have been a lot of times I've wondered whether you
were really happy being a boy.  When you were younger ..."  she cut herself off,
and started again.  "I thought as you grew up you'd settle down, but ..."  She
looked back at me quickly. "Anytime you want to stop this, just tell me.  If you
think you've had enough, just say so."

"Okay", I said.  "I still feel kind of odd from time to time.  You know, because
I'm a boy.  But somehow the world seems easier to be in.  I feel like I fit into
it better".   I was wondering what she meant by all that stuff about when I was
younger.  "Does that make sense to you?"

"I think so," Mom said.

"Uh, good," I said, "because I'm not sure it does to me, really."  We both
laughed.

When we arrived back home there was a message on the answering machine from Paul.
 He sounded terribly polite.  It just said that he'd had a lovely time last
night, and he'd call again soon.  As I heard it I thought once again about the
way he'd made me feel last night, and I got goosebumps.  Mom smiled softly as she
watched me listening to the tape.

I took the suitcase upstairs and unpacked it, making sure everything was neat and
well-hung in the closet.  I couldn't believe that Megan had so many clothes she'd
get rid of things like this.  Mom came upstairs and gave me a couple of other
things, some cleanser for my face, and some body lotion.  Then we went downstairs
and had a light dinner.

After dinner I helped her with the washing up before I broached the subject that
had been nagging at me all day.  "Mom, what am I gonna do tomorrow?"

"I've been thinking about that.  I don't think you can go to school with your
hair like that.  If you want me to I can try cutting it shorter. But that will be
the end of your experiment, I think."

I wasn't sure I wanted that, but I couldn't think of what else to say.

"Or you could just skip a bit of school for a while, until we work things out," 
she said.  I smiled.

"I didn't think it would upset you too much to do that", she laughed. "It's okay,
your grades are good.  Maybe just for a short while."

So that was that.  Mom had obviously decided that everything was up to me.

At that moment the phone rang.  I picked it up, and heard Paul's voice at the
other end.  "Hello, Jenny?"

I didn't answer straight away.  My first though was 'Jenny?', my second was
'Omigod it's him!'.  I leaned against the refrigerator, and slumped down until I
was sitting on the floor.

"Yes,"  I said.  "Hi Paul".

I looked across the kitchen at Mom, who was putting saucepans away.  She tried to
suppress a smile.

"How are you".

"Great.  How was your day?"  I felt extremely self-conscious.  My heart seemed to
have a life of its own, and I tried to relax.  I don't know whether Paul sensed
my nervousness, or whether he was just being nice, or (this didn't occur to me
until much later) maybe he was nervous himself, but we carried on the
conversation in fairly stilted language for a few more minutes, until my Mom left
the room and went back to the living room.

Then I relaxed and we talked for a while.  Not about anything important, it was
just chatter.  I asked him what he was doing for the week, and he mentioned that
he was going down to LA to interview for an internship at some magazine.  I told
him Mom and me had been to visit my aunt down in LA, and we'd had a great day. 
Eventually he asked me how long I was going to be staying in Santa Rosita!  I'd
forgotten that my 'cover' story had been that I was only visiting!  Hurriedly, I
told him that I really didn't know, but that we'd probably be here for a week or
so while my Mom interviewed.

We talked some more, and he asked me if I'd like to go out on Wednesday night
after he'd come back to town.  When the phone call had begun I had decided that
I'd say no, because I was scared of going out on a date with him again.  I liked
what had happened at the party, but...  it just didn't seem very sensible to risk
it again.  But as we talked I was thinking of the way he'd looked at me the night
before, and how nice he'd been when we first arrived at the party.  I liked it
that he wanted to be with me, and that he thought I was attractive.  I realised
even as I was talking to him that I was falling for some hopeless romantic ideal
that wasn't real, but the part of my brain that deals with rational thought had
obviously gone into the living room with my Mom to watch the movie. So I said
yes.

He seemed very pleased, and told me it would just be a casual night, maybe dinner
and a movie, he'd pick me up at 7.00.  As we were saying our goodbyes he sounded
nervous again, as he told me he'd really enjoyed seeing me the night before, and
was really looking forward to Wednesday.

I looked at the phone when I hung up, trying to work out what I'd just gotten
myself into.  Then I noticed the clock on the microwave.  We'd talked for over an
hour!  I went back to the living room, and Mom gave me a little smile that said
she knew exactly what I'd been feeling.  Looking at her I all of a sudden felt
very confused about what I'd just done. "Mom, is it okay if I go to the movies
with Paul on Wednesday night?" I blurted out.

"Do you want to?"

"Yes."  I paused  " I think so.  I said yes."

Mom looked at me seriously.  "Is he a nice boy?"

I wondered about that.  He'd been very nice to me so far.  But I knew he wanted
more from me than just a kiss.  "Yeah, I guess so".

"What will happen if he finds out you're ... not really a girl?'

"I don't know, Mom.  I don't want to think about that."

She looked at me thoughtfully, and said "Well, I want you to be careful. I'm
really not sure this is a good idea.  It can't lead to anything good...  But I
guess Megan's right, I'd worry as much if you were a girl."

"Thanks Mom."  I made a mental note to phone Megan and have a talk to her.  She
seemed to be playing a big part in all this.

We didn't say anything for a while, and watched a pretty awful movie together. 
Halfway through I started feeling a little cold, so I went upstairs and got a
sweater Marcia had given me in her parcel of goodies earlier in the day, a light
cotton one with a pretty detail around the neck.  When I came down again Mom
smiled and said "there's one other thing that happened today."

"Which was?"

"Well, I'm still not sure about this, because I think it might be going a bit
fast, and I'm not even sure if you'd want to."

I was curious, and trying to think about all the things that had happened today.

"How do you like Mark?",  Mom asked.

"Megan's Mark?"  I said.  "He was pretty nice today, I thought. Considering the
surprise.  In fact, he was much nicer to me than he usually is."

"Mark had a little talk with Megan after he saw you today", Mom said, "and he
thought you were quite the beautiful young lady.  He asked Megan if she'd ask
whether you might pose for some photographs for him. Tasteful ones of course,
nothing, you know ..."

I didn't say anything.  At that moment I knew we'd entered some strange parallel
universe, and some dwarf that spoke backward was gonna enter the room and do some
David Lynch thing.

"I said I wasn't sure,"  Mom said.  "I wasn't sure how you'd feel about it.  But
Megan was terribly good to you today".

"Um - he wants to photograph Jenny, right?"

"Yes", said Mom.  "Fully clothed, of course.  He is a terribly good photographer,
you know.  Megan thought you might think it was fun, something to remember this
little experiment by."

I thought of the photographs Marcia and I had taken yesterday.  I already had a
record of all this.  And I wasn't sure I was confident enough to have 'serious'
photos taken.  "Uh, I don't know why he'd want to.  He takes photographs of
thousands of beautiful girls,"  I said.  "I mean ..."

"I'm sure it will all be okay,"  Mom said.

"Okay then," I said.  I still wasn't sure why Mark wanted to, but Mom was right,
Megan had been great today.  And Mark had been very nice, too.

As I went upstairs later that night my head was spinning a little bit.  I brushed
my teeth, put some peroxide on my earlobes where they were pierced, cleaned my
face and took off all my clothes.  Somehow my body seemed kind of weird and
unformed once I took off all the underwear and the fake breasts.  I pulled the
t-shirt on again and got into bed.  Idly I touched my chest, near where Paul had
tried to touch it.  I wondered what it would feel like, if he could.  Then I
wondered why I was thinking about him so much.  It was just because he was the
first person to like me sexually, wasn't it?  Shaking my head, I tried to put him
out of my mind and eventually went to sleep.