Chapter 1

Monday! GROAN! It used to be I loved Mondays.  I looked forward to them
all weekend.  I know, call me a fool, but I used to really enjoy my job
- so much so that weekends were a distraction.  Sure, I did other things
on weekends but I always woke up early on Monday.  Fresh to start a new
week of challenges and problem solving.  Lately, however, I've begun to
groan as I woke up and realized that it was Monday and I had to go to
work.

What changed?  I guess too many mismanaged projects. Occassionally it's
still fun working on the challenges of the job.  IF the 'challenges'
aren't cases where somebody screwed up royally and the 'challenge'
becomes how to apply as many bandaids to the project to get it out
before the customer cancels the order.  It seems this has become more
and more commonplace than when I first started.  Maybe things haven't
really changed and all that's changed is my position in the company so
I'm aware of the screwups more than I was when I first started.

I worked for a small software company in the midwest.  We developed
business software that helps companies combine business applications
from a wide range of suppliers to make our customers' e-business lives
easier.  To put it in real simple terms - we made plumbing.  Pipes and
fittings.  That's all.  Suppose the customer has has a tub (database)
and he wants to fill his tub with hot water (information from his
inventory system), cold water (information from his manufacturing), and
eventually drain the water out of the tub (information for his shipping
department).  We make the pipes that connect up the different pieces so
they work together.  On one hand it sounds simple but it would be
complicated if we did it right. There are so many different software
packages that aren't designed to work with other applications just the
sheer number of variations is incredible.  Making each of these work
together perfectly is a very daunting task.

As it is we didn't do a very good job of making most of these
applications work together well.  We had a couple of popular programs
that work well enough but most of the obscure programs don't work at
all. Unfortunately these are the ones that needed our help the most. 
The popular programs are popular because they already provide their own
software to bridge between each of their own applications.  If a company
is willing to invest all of their business software in the same supplier
they generally have fewer problems.  Of course they don't get an ideal
solution for their business needs and they are completely dependent on
the one supplier but, until we got our act together, this was probably
the best business strategy at the time.

When I started 18 months prior I had it really easy.  I was new so
everyone expected me to take some time before I was useful for anything
other than basic programming.  This gave me plenty of opportunity to do
some extra design work to fix the things that weren't quite right and to
add 'plumbing' for those software packages we desparately needed to
cover but somehow never got done - either because people were too busy
fixing things that were broken or no one was smart enough to know that
they either needed the code or how to do it.  This was fun for a while. 
I got to do some real interesting work and stayed relatively free to do
it.  As people started to learn of my work, however, the freedom, which
should have increased to allow me more time to develop these new pieces,
actually decreased.  People would ask me to help bail them out of holes
they had gotten themselves into and I found I had less and less time for
my own work.  I was able to get all my assignments done but not much
more of what I thought really needed to be done.

There were some smart people at our company but it seemed they all ended
up like me.  The creative life getting sucked out of them to serve the
never ending drain of mediocrity.  This is how I felt on that Monday
morning - drained.  I reluctantly got dressed and headed to work.

I had been working on some silly problem that one of my colleagues
should have solved months ago and got lost in the problem when around
2PM, my boss, John, came to my cubicle in a panic.  John panicked a lot
but usually he panicked over the phone - I think this is the first time
he ever came to my cubicle.

"Jimmy, thank God I found you!" John was out of breath. "What are you
working on?"

"I'm helping Mike straighten out this SAS problem. Why? What's up?" I
asked knowing that it was going to be some bigger disaster than I was
already on.

"Good!  Tell Mike he's got to finish it on his own.  I've got another
job for you!"  John said relieved.  I got the sense that the problem I
was about to work on would have 'outranked' probably anything in the
shop.

John continued "Come to my office.  I'll explain the whole situation."
and he took off toward his office without waiting for me.  John's idea
of being effective is being fast.  He moves fast. He makes decisions
fast.  He does everything fast.  Good thing too because he often has to
do things more than once - mostly because he does them too quickly the
first time around...

I called Mike and gave him his bad news and then sauntered off to John's
office to hear mine.  I thought it very unlikely that John would explain
"the whole situation."  It'll be a first when he does.  Explaining 'the
whole situation' takes too long and John likes to do things fast.

I knocked on John's door when I arrived and he waved me in.  John was on
the phone saying "That's right. First flight out. Jimmy Bishop. No, open
return. Yeah, and book the same hotel as Dr. Wicks. Call me when you've
got it set up."

John looked very official.  I think he thrives on panic situations. 
"Jimmy, we've got a very serious situation.  The company needs you to
drop everything and work on just this one thing.  You understand?"

"Well John.  I understand you have a serious situation.  I surmise from
your phone conversation that I'm travelling someplace to work on this
situation and that Dr. Wicks is somehow involved.  I don't know much
more than that though."

"Haven't you been paying attention!  We've got a disaster here!  You
don't seem very concerned by all this! I need to make sure we've got the
right man on the job!  Are you our man?"  John was exasperated.

"John, you haven't told me what the problem is.  I don't KNOW if I am
the right man for the job..."

"Right!  Ok, here's the scoop.  Now you need to keep this completely
quiet!  We don't want the rest of the troops panicking now do we?  Are
you with me?"  John talked like this a lot.

Wearily I replied "Yes, John.  I'll keep whatever information you give
me completely confidential.  I just need more information than you've
given me."

"Ok!  I knew I could count on you!  Did you hear about the great deal
Sam Schwartzman made with Genetech Industries?" John was excited now.

"Some of it.  I heard that it was a 130 million dollar deal and we're to
tie together all of their commercial applications into a single unit,
including their international subsidiaries.  I don't know much beyond
that - including which applications they're using.  Sounds like a lot of
money for what we offer." I said skeptically.

"That's pretty much it.  Yeah, great deal he worked out.  Got a ton of
money and will really bail us out."

"So what's the emergency?  It seems like everyone should be happy."
knowing full well that I hadn't gotten all the facts yet - not that I
expected ever to get 'all' the facts from John.

"Oh yeah.  Well everyone IS happy on this side of the fence. 
Unfortunately, the customer called Williamson over the weekend and did
nothing but bitch!"

Charles Williamson was CEO of our happy little operation.  He and a
friend started this company with Williamson doing the deals and his
friend, Paul Taggert, creating the product.  No one talks about Paul
anymore.  In fact I wouldn't even know Paul's name if I hadn't found it
in comments in some of the original code.  It seems Paul and Charles had
a falling out a few years ago and Paul left.  Everyone acts as if Paul
was a traitor to leave.  From what I had seen of his code I doubted Paul
was a traitor.  He probably just wanted to work someplace where his good
work would be appreciated.

"So why was the customer bitching?"  I don't know why I asked this
question - I knew the answer but we had to complete this dance so I
could find out what I would be doing for my next assignment.

"Well, for some reason they had expected our code to work with all of
their applications.  And they bitched to Williamson and now we've got to
fix things.  This is serious!  They've threatened to cancel the order
AND possibly sue us for fraud!  This could be the end of us!  You've got
to fix this Jimmy!"

"Whoa!  John, I'm not smart enough to fix this problem. Correction - I'm
don't KNOW enough to fix this problem quickly.  I may be smart enough
but I suspect we don't have enough time to fix this problem while I'm
learning what I need to know."

"We know that Jimmy.  That's why you'll be working with Dr. Wicks! 
She's certainly smart enough to fix this problem.  You're to help her. 
We're giving her carte blanche to work on this.  She can have anyone and
everyone she wants to work on this.  So far she's only asked for you but
I'm sure after you've done your assessment we'll be sending in more
troops."  John said as if he finally had the situation under control.

Dr. Wicks asked for me?  I didn't even know that Dr. Wicks knew who I
was.  That's not quite true.  I did work on a project of hers about six
months ago.  God!  That was a treat.  It was the first project in this
place that was well run and the design was amazing!  After hearing that
this project was going to be run by Dr. Wicks I realized that it didn't
matter how serious this project was - the project was going to be fun
and a great learning experience.  Dr. Wicks was notorious in our
company.  It's been said that many times she has told the CEO to go fuck
himself - literally!  That she hadn't been fired is a testament to her
value to the company.  I'm not sure how old she was.  I thought she was
a lot older than me but I had heard she was only 36 - nine years my
senior.  I found it difficult to believe.  She seemed a lot older than
that - not that it mattered.  She was young enough to run circles around
all of us.

John's telephone rang just then bringing me out of my reverie.  John was
saying "Ok, good.  I'll tell him." and he hung up.
"Jimmy, you have the 6:30 morning flight to San Jose.  Dr. Wicks will be
on the same flight.  Check with her before you leave today to see what
you need to bring with you.  That's all and good luck!" John sounded
like he was sending me off to imminent death on the front lines!

I went back to my office and rang Dr. Wicks. "Wicks." came the immediate
response.

"Um, Dr. Wicks this is Jimmy Bishop.  John said I should check with you
to see what I should bring with me for this Genetech project."

"Did he brief you? Uh, never mind.  I'm sure whatever he told you was
useless.  You've got a laptop assigned to you?"

"Yes Ma'am. And I've got all our development tools on it.  I've got most
of our project source code but don't have anything specifically for
Genetech."

"That's because that asshole... Oh never mind.  There isn't any Genetech
specific code.  Not yet anyway.  I expect there'll be a ton of it by the
time we're done with this thing - if they don't kick us out first."  Dr.
Wicks sounded exasperated.

She continued "We're either going to be there for a long time or they're
going to throw us out right away.  Let's hope for the former - Although
I don't know why..." she added under her breath. "Bring enough clothes
for at least 4 days and we'll get the hotel laundry to keep us fresh.
This isn't a sightseeing tour so anything will do. Do you have a suit?"

"Um, no, not one that fits."

"Get one.  Put it on the company tab.  I don't care how much it costs.  
Just look nice and have it ready by the time we leave in the morning. 
We've got to meet with Genetech's CIO tomorrow and we've got to wow him
enough to let us try to fix this.  I don't think one woman dropping on
his doorstep is going to impress him."

"What about Sam Swartzman?" I stupidly asked.

"THAT STUPID SON OF A BITCH!  If that guy sets one foot in their parking
lot again he'll be castrated! And I'm not sure if it will be them or me
doing the castration!"  Jesus!  This woman doesn't mess around.

"Uh, ok.  Do I need anything else?"

"Yes.  Bring that great programming skill you have - we're going to need
it!  See you in the morning!" and that was the end of that.

Great programming skill.  She noticed!  Man I sure wouldn't want to
cross her but man can she run a project...

I was packing up my office to go find a suit when Sylvia saw me. "I
heard you're travelling with Dr. Bitch!  Good Luck. You're going to need
it. I heard she eats programmers alive for breakfast."  Hmmm.

Chapter 2

I got to the airport with just enough time to check in before they
started boarding.  I saw Dr. Wicks and she waved me over.  "Where have
you been?  I wanted to start going over this project with you." she
asked sternly.

"I got stuck in security.  I brought some extra disk drives and some
networking gear.  Security thought I was a terrorist or something." I
said apologetically.

"Good thinking.  Yes, good idea. Where are you sitting?" 

I showed her my boarding pass and she grabbed it and dragged me by my
hand to the check in desk. She pulled our her boarding pass and asked 
"Do you have any upgrades for this ticket?  We need to sit together." 
The attendant checked and said "Yes, I can move you and him to 6A and
6B.  Is that ok?"

"Is there in-seat power?"

"Yes, all of first class has in-seat power."

"Ok, let's change it." and she handed her Amex Platinum card to the
attendant.

I watched intrigued.  I never flew first class before and on this trip
I'll be spending 4 hours flying time next to the smartest person in the
company.  I couldn't believe my luck.

"Were you able to get a suit."  The tone of the voice told me that there
was only one acceptable answer to the question.

"Yes, I had to go to three places.  The second place finally told me it
was hopeless unless I went to this custom tailor in town.  When I got
there he said he couldn't possibly have a suit ready in time but I
insisted and said 'money was no object' - I hope I was right..." I said
sheepishly.

"Yes, yes, go on." Dr. Wicks said impatiently.

"Well, he thought about it and took my measurements.  It turned out he
had a suit being tailored for someone else that might fit me well enough
that only minor alterations would be necessary.  He said there would be
hell to pay because he'd have to make another suit for the other client
and he'd be late.  I agreed and now have a custom tailored suit that
doesn't look like me at all."

"Good! That's what I want!"  I wasn't sure how to take this.

"Don't you want to know how much the suit cost?" I chagrined.

"Well I don't care about the cost but, yes, I am curious." She seemed to
have a gleam in her eye.

"Well, normally, this tailored suit from this guy would cost $1,100 but
due the rush and pissing off the other customer I had to pay $1,600! 
I'm sorry, I really tried to get a cheaper suit."

"Hah!  Forget it!  That's great!  Serves 'em right the stupid bastards!" 
Dr. Wicks was roaring.  I looked around embarrassed for the outburst.

Her eyes narrowed and she said "You do have a shirt, tie, and shoes to
go with that suit.  Don't you?" OH SHIT!

"Well, I have shoes and a shirt but I forgot to bring a tie.  I'm not
sure I even have a tie."

"Damn! Ok, we'll have enough time to stop and get a tie.  We might be
able to get one at the airport.  Not this one - don't have enough time
anyway but San Jose airport might have a store or kiosk.  Our meeting
with the CIO isn't until 12:45 anyway so we'll have time to stop.  The
CIO is giving us all of 15 minutes.  He said we weren't worth more than
that to him. We had better prepare a pretty good case to save our asses
in 15 minutes.  Come on, let's board and get to work."

Well flying first class might be fun if the entire time wasn't spent
working.  I don't think I've worked this hard in as short amount of time
ever.  When I'm working alone I work at my own pace which is normally
frenetic but this time I had trouble keeping up with Dr. Wicks. She was
amazing!  She had a set of charts that showed the software applications
we needed to tie together.  It was incredible!  There was no way we're
were going to tie all these together even in a year!  I expressed my
doubts and Dr. Wicks nodded but then said it wasn't quite as bad as it
looked and showed me several areas where there was commonality between
many of the applications even those from competitors.  She explained
that if you knew the root of the code - the primary designer then you
could understand the personality of the code.  Since there were only a
few really creative people in the world most of the personality was
influenced by just a few people.  She showed me how she had reclassified
the list by personality types and it showed there were only 5 or 6
personality variations.  While the problem wasn't this simple - even a
single personality had moods so produced its own variations there were
some fundamental aspects that were invariant.  If we could only capture
the personality types rather than focussing on the specifics of the code
we might be able to tie more applications together than we thought. To
me this was a revelation! I wanted to explore this line of thinking
deeper but Dr. Wicks was off on another tangent.  She pointed out that
we may not have all of the software on our list so we should plan for
doing a complete fact-finding session before we start a thorough
analysis.  In the end my head was spinning.  This is rarely a condition
I find myself in.  I may get tired but I'm rarely confused.  Trying to
pull all these ideas together in my mind was boggling and made me
uncomfortable.  At the same time I was impressed that Dr. Wicks seemed
undaunted by all this.

I was dead tired when we landed.  At the rental car place there was a
brand new Jeep Grand Cherokee waiting for us.  I looked at Dr. Wicks as
we got in.

She smiled and said "Well, I like to bike.  If, by some miracle, we do
get a break I'd like to do some exploring.  Besides, I didn't care what
the rental cost."  Don't get on her bad side.  She clearly was unhappy
with the company. She also had a pretty nice smile when it wasn't a
devious one...

We hunted around and found a Men's shop where we bought a tie, a new
shirt, and new Italian leather shoes.  Dr. Wicks said my shirt and shoes
did not match the quality of the suit and would make the CIO suspicious. 
I'm sure she was right but I'm equally sure she was happy to spend
another $500 more of the company's money.  I got completely dressed in
the dressing room and as I came out Dr. Wicks whistled and said "Wow! 
Maybe you should do the talking!  You clearly look like you're the one
in charge!  And if we do get a break I'm going to have to get some new
rags of my own so you don't put me to shame."

I was blushing and feeling embarrassed but when I saw myself in the
mirror I had to admit that I thought I looked pretty good.  Maybe a hot
date with Dr. Wicks would be interesting - Geez, what am I thinking?

We went over our last minute strategy and, despite Dr. Wicks' suggestion
that I take control of the meeting Dr. Wicks made it clear that I was
there purely as arm candy and was to keep my mouth shut!  I had no doubt
that Dr. Wicks meant it and I had every intention of complying.

We went into Genetech's headquarters and arrived at the CIO's office
with 10 minutes to spare.  It was probably good that we showed up early
for appearance's sake but it did us no good from a meeting perspective
because we didn't get to meet with the CIO until 1:30.  I'm not sure if
he had other distractions or he was intentionally putting us in our
place.  Dr. Wicks maintained her cool and delivered her message in a
friendly but concise way.

"We know that you were mislead into believing the code would cover all
of your software." Dr. Wicks began.

"Careful. Do you realize, Dr. Wicks, that your statement could be
considered an admission of guilt if this goes to court." the CIO warned.

"I do realize that.  What I want you to realize is that my company is
laying everything on the line here.  If we do not meet your needs then
we deserve to fail. To convince you of this I am willing to give you all
the ammunition you need so that you will not lose. I must acknowledge
that we've failed thus far so that we can work with your people to make
whatever corrections necessary to make you happy." 

I knew Dr. Wicks was putting her job on the line.  There is no way the
company would keep her around with what she was doing.  Of course, if we
failed we would probably all be out of a job but this could effect her
ability to get another trusted position in any other company.  Jesus! 
I'm not sure I would have the balls to do what she was doing.  She was
either stupid or had a lot of confidence in what we could accomplish.  I
didn't think she was stupid but was equally sure I didn't have the
confidence that she apparently had.

The CIO had a thoughtful look on his face and finally said "Dr. Wicks, I
did this deal because we trusted YOUR reputation.  We had heard rumors
about your company but decided against the rumors because of you. Do you
think you can really pull this off?"

This time it was Dr. Wicks' turn to hestitate. When she spoke it was
barely a whisper. "Fred, I appreciate your trust and it means a lot to
me. I will tell you quite frankly that I am not sure that we can do
everything that was promised to you.  I AM sure we can do a lot more
than we've been able to deliver thus far.  I would like to suggest a
compromise and I am dead serious about making sure to give you enough
rope to hang us if we fail.  My compromise is that we agree on a subset
of the things we orignally promised to do, the subset would be
sufficient to be valuable to your business. We deliver this subset
within a reasonable amount of time.  Upon successful completion of that
subset we then continue to work on the remainder of the tasks in a more
collaborative manner over a longer period of time."

Fred considered this a bit and responded "I'm ok with a short window to
prove that you can meet the significant portion of our needs -
especially if I have a way to recoup any losses.  I don't like legal
actions even if I'm sure I'll win so I'm not going to give you much
opportunity to drag this on.  I'm going to prevent my losses from
becoming unmanageable.  As to follow-on work to cover the entire agreed
upon program I'm less convinced that you can pull it off without seeing
significant progress on the first part so I'm not willing to commit at
this point.  So my counter proposal is this.  I give you three weeks to
deliver on the bulk of my needs.  This will be measured by the
importance of the applications, not by the volume of applications, you
can tie together." THREE WEEKS! CHRIST! We'll never finish in three
weeks I thought to myself.  I'm sure my face gave away my panic - Dr.
Wicks didn't flinch.  The CIO ignored my reaction and kept his eyes
boring into Dr. Wicks. "At the end of the three week period we check the
status.  If you've succeeded then we renegotiate the remainder of the
project.  If you fail then we will cancel everything, demand full
re-imbursement, and possibly sue for any losses we incur in the process.
Agree?"

Dr. Wicks paused briefly and said "Only three weeks makes failure very
likely but I understand your need to minimize your losses.  I appreciate
your willingness to work with us.  I assume you have people standing by
who can identify the critical applications you need covered in the three
weeks and we'll have access to a test platform to test our code against
your real data?"

"Yes.  I have already told two of my best people to collate all the
information for you and we'll ask them to prioritize the applications
based on our business needs.  This should be fairly easy for them to do
- it's mostly a process of eliminating the lesser important tasks."

"Ok, then I guess we have a deal.  Thank you for your time and your
willingness to work with us.  Heaven knows we haven't earned it.  Jim
and I will do our best to earn back the trust you have so generously
provided." JIM!  No one calls me Jim!  I liked the sound of that even
though the rest of me was sinking in the hopelessness of the situation.

We shook hands and Fred had his people meet us in his outer office and
we spent the rest of the afternoon gathering the information we needed. 
We negotiated the most important applications and produced a document of
understanding formally agreeing on the terms.  As Dr. Wicks and I left
Dr. Wicks said "God! What a fucking mess!  I need a drink."

Chapter 3

We drove away from Genetech the first stop was to check into our hotel
to get dressed and freshened.  Despite the need for a drink, Dr. Wicks
and I both agreed we needed to get out of these monkey suits and get
comfortable.  On the way to the hotel I looked at Dr. Wicks and she
looked completely drained.  I felt that way also but was surprised how
her appearance had deteriorated so rapidly.  I wanted to talk about the
day's events but wasn't sure what to say.  I decided to wait until we
had changed and had a chance to unwind.

The hotel we checked into was one of the newer suite hotels with
basically two bedrooms with a livingroom and kitchenette.  We had a
decent network connection so the only thing we agreed was missing were
some good work spaces (the desk provided with the room was sorely
inadequate to spread out on and get two workstations up and running). 
We agreed to call an office furniture rental company and rent some
decent desks during our stay.  That there was a risk that the rental
company may never get paid was not our immediate concern.  We would take
care of that first thing in the morning.

I changed into regular clothes and was surprised at how this simple step
seemed to make me tremendously more comfortable.  Dr. Wicks was still
getting ready so I decided to find a rental company and see if I could
get this aspect taken care of right away.  I was amazed at the number of
choices in the Yellow Pages and decided to call the front desk to get a
recommendation.  They immediately understood our needs and said they
would take care of it.

While I was on the phone Dr. Wicks came out of her room and I was
surprised by the transformation.  I had only seen her in business suits
up and now she was dressed in jeans and a loose pullover top.  I was
even more surprised when I saw how well her jeans fit her.  I don't mean
they were well tailored either.  I guess bike riding must do a good job
keeping her in shape because her shape sure was great!  I tried not to
stare but, until now, I had thought of Dr. Wicks as a unisex software
architect.  I was beginning to realize that this was a 'woman' software
architect.

"Did I overhear that you've found some furniture?" she asked - all
business.

"Yes.  I called the front desk and they have an arrangement with an
office furniture place.  They'll have something for us in the morning. 
I didn't ask how much it would cost."

"Great!  Good job! Task 1 Complete!  That's what I call progress!" Dr.
Wicks grabbed my hand a shook it congratulating me on a job well done. 
It was obviously overdone but I think, at this point, we both needed any
measureable progress we could get.

She continued "Let's go get a stiff drink and then I've got to give Mr.
Williamson a call.  I'm not sure how he'll react and it may be my last
act as a company employee."

I could see she was dead serious.  For a bit I didn't say anything but
finally said "Dr. Wicks, you did a very brave thing today.  I just want
to let you know that I am going to try my best to try to keep from
failing but, to be honest, I am really afraid that it may be hopeless."

"Jim, I appreciate your honesty.  I don't know if we're going to succeed
either but we'll do the best we can - that's all we can ask.  The only
thing I ask of you to keep the details of my conversation with Fred
between ourselves until the three weeks are up.  It won't do us any good
to have the home front panicking.  After that, especially if Genetech
pursues legal actions I want you to be perfectly honest about what was
said.  I don't want a cover up - I just want some time to try to make
something out of this.  Understood?"  She was looking directly into my
eyes and I felt her desperation in my very soul.

"Of course, Dr. Wicks.  This is an opportunity of a lifetime for me.  I
have so much to learn from you. I want to have as much time with you as
I can.  I will simply defer to you anytime the subject comes up."

"Ok, Jim.  Let's get a couple of things straight.  One - if we're going
to be working this closely together you'll have to stop calling me Dr.
Wicks - please call me Helen.  Two - I have a feeling that I'm going to
learn as much from you as you from me on this.  I've seen your code. 
For a person using such an ad hoc design technique your code is
amazingly organized.  Such natural ability will be tremendously powerful
once its channeled in a more organized way. I'm looking forward to
witnessing this transformation - and my future career probably depends
on the extent we can channel that power. Finally, let me be perfectly
clear.  I am not asking you to cover up - if you get a direct question
about what was said today I want you to answer honestly.  I just want to
avoid wild speculation when we still have so many unknowns. Got it?"

"Yes, Dr. Wicks - I mean Helen." I said with a smile.

"You should smile more often Jim.  It looks good on you. Oh, one more
thing.  You don't mind me calling you 'Jim' instead of 'Jimmy' do you?"

"No, Dr. uh Helen.  I kind of like it." I said blushing.

"Good!  I find it REALLY hard to think that my entire future is in the
hands of someone named 'Jimmy'!"  She said with a laugh.

"Yeah, you should smile more often too, Helen" I thought to myself.

"Let's go get a drink.  Not too much - we've got too much work to do but
we've fought off the demons so we'll live until another day.  Let's
celebrate that." and we left to find a good watering hole.

Chapter 4

When we got back to the hotel, Helen called Williamson while I started
to set up our network.  I couldn't help overhearing some of Helen's
conversation.

"Charles!  Will you listen!  We had two options.  Go under today or go
under in three weeks.  Which would you choose?"

"There was no fucking third option! Asking for more time wouldn't have
worked.  As I've already told you three times Fred was not going to
increase his risk any more than he did.  He had nothing to lose to tell
us to go fuck ourselves!  The fact that he was willing to give us any
chance at all was a minor miracle.  What?"

"No, I am not sure we can complete the work in three weeks.  I won't
really know until we dig into this more.  We had a great working session
on the flight out here and Jim may be on to a solution that could work.
Huh?"

"CHRIST NO!  I don't want you sending armies of your shitty programmers
out here!  That's not going to help - in fact it will hurt big time.  If
I think I need anybody I'll ask but this takes some deep thinking -
adding more bodies to the problem will only add confusion.  WE DON'T
NEED ANY MORE CONFUSION AT THIS POINT!  Just give us a few days to try
to figure this out.  I'll check in with you in a couple of days."

"NO!  I'm not going to get into some kind of stupid hourly checkpoint
with you.  What the fuck would you do if I say we're stuck?  Come help
us solve the problem?  Give me a break!  Figure it out - you're stuck
Charles.  You're idiot Sam got us into this mess.  I'm willing to try to
get us out of this but not if you get in my way.  You do this my way or
you do it yourself!  You choose."

Long pause.  Finally "Ok, I'll call you in a couple of days.  I'm not
sure what time.  It depends on our progress."

"Yeah - same to you." and she hung up.  "What a fucking idiot!  Why do I
work for this goddamned company anyway?"

I didn't know what to say. "Ummm, I don't know. Someone as good as you
could get a job anywhere.  I wondered why you stayed."

"It's that damn Paul Taggert.  I worked with him as an intern and was
really impressed with him.  I learned a tremendous amount from him but
when he left I misunderstood and bought the line of crap that Williamson
handed out about Paul being a traitor.  Paul never explained his leaving
to me so he left me in a vacuum to believe that clown. By the time I
learned the real story Paul had died in an auto accident and never had
an opportunity to go to work with him.  I guess I had hoped I could
vindicate Paul by staying and saving the company. Stupid..."  I could
see Helen was choking back tears.

"Why did Paul leave?  I saw some of his code and he must have been
brilliant." I said respectfully.

"Well I won't give you the gory details but you're right. Paul was
brilliant and he saw the path the company was on with its shortsighted
view it was clearly going to run into quality problems and not have the
right mix of products.  Charles being the quintessential marketing guy
thought fast turnaround, low overhead, and convincing the customer they
needed our product was better than offering a quality product that we
KNEW the customer needed.  Charles still doesn't understand that
overhead is higher if quality is low.  In any case Paul and Charles had
a big blow up and Charles forced Paul out because Charles had more
control over the needed votes.  Paul was not a political animal while
that's ALL Charles is.  Paul didn't have a chance.  In the end Paul was
so fed up he didn't care and simply left without talking to any of us. 
I think Charles threatened him with legal action if he took any of us
with him.  Finally, Charles spread a rumor about Paul trying to sabotage
the business and being a traitor.  Charles should have left well enough
alone but I don't think he could stand the idea of people caring more
about Paul than him."  Helen sighed.

She finally said "Enough of that.  What have you been up to?" she
started looking over the network I set up.

"Well, nothing special.  I just thought we would need our own Local Area
Network for testing purposes plus we would need to connect to each other
and back to the office.  I set up a local DHCP server and a wireless LAN
so we don't have to mess with cables to our laptops."

"Is it working?"

"Of course, try it out.  I'll set you wireless network settings to
connect to the wireless LAN."

"Good.  I want to send you the files we worked on today.  I want to
continue that discussion we were having earlier about personalities. 
You mentioned some ideas about modelling the personalities as a means to
simplify the conversion from each application developed by those
personalities.  Let's talk about that some more and tomorrow we'll take
a look at this God awful list of applications to deal with and see if we
can identify the key personalities."

We worked late into the night having pizza and drinks delivered.  I had
thought I was tired but the conversation was so intriguing that I was
re-energized and really enjoyed it.  As I went to bed that night I was
dead tired but realized that I hadn't had such a good time since
graduate school working those crazy all-nighters.

I was up early the next morning raring to go - Wow, I realized, I
haven't felt this way in a long time.  I ordered room service and began
looking at ways to model the personalities as we had discussed the night
before.  I was lost in thought when I noticed some movement out the
corner of my eye.  I looked up and there was Helen moving toward the
kitchen.  She was in the generic white terry cloth robe and bare feet. 
She had morning hair and looked like she had tied one on the night
before.

"God!  Where do you youngsters get your energy?  How long have you been
up?"

"Umm, I don't know.  What time is it?  8:30?  I guess about two and a
half hours.  I didn't really keep track. Uh, did you enjoy your sleep?" 
thinking that she didn't look like it.

"Sleep?  Is that what you call it when you go to bed at 3AM and then
some fool rumbles around at 6AM?  Christ, do I need to get a separate
room?  Never mind - I'm just grumpy before my morning coffee - then I
get cranky." she said with a laugh.  I liked her laugh.

She ordered room service and sat at the kitchen counter watching me work
while she ate breakfast.  Eventually, I guess she got up and showered
and dressed.  I was lost in my work again. 

At some point I heard a knock on the door and Helen got up to answer it. 
The next thing I knew the coffee table I had been working on was pushed
aside and some moving man was wheeling a desk into its place.

"Don't mind him." I heard Helen say. "He's deaf, dumb, and a complete
lump.  Just move around him - he won't notice."

I finally realized the office supply store was delivering our
workstations so I needed to stop my work until they got set up.  I got
up and moved out of their way.  I felt hungry and looked to see how
close it was to lunchtime.  I was surprised to see it was 2PM.  I looked
at Helen who had been directing the movers.  She saw me noticing the
time and laughed and said "So are you finally hungry?  There's pizza and
pop in the fridge.  You can use the microwave or oven to re-heat the
pizza."

I was starving now so I just ate cold pizza and had a Dew.  I sat at the
counter watching the movers set up under the non-yielding guideance of
Helen.  Hmmm, same jeans, just a tee shirt top.  She didn't look like a
brilliant software architect.  She looked like someone who would be fun
to go to the beach or camping with.  I'm learning more than I had
expected about our Dr. Wicks on this trip.

I had finished the pizza and was getting anxious to get back to work
when Helen finally agreed that the current arrangement was probably the
best compromise and kicked the movers out.  She gave them a big tip with
a wink to me.  Boy does she like to spend the company's money!

"So, did you get anything done in your isolation cone?" she asked with a
grin.

"Isolation cone? What do you mean?" I was confused.

"I tried to talk to you and I thought for sure you would come out of
your trance when the pizza arrived but you were completely gone.  You
weren't really in a trance.  You were furiously writing notes and
talking to yourself but you had no room in your mind with communication
outside of yourself.  It really was quite fascinating to watch."

Blushing I said "I'm sorry.  I guess I just get lost in a thought and my
brain is completely focussed on the problem and doesn't have room for
anything else.  I'm sorry I ignored you."

"Oh, I'm not complaining.  In fact I'm glad I could actually witness you
at work.  It truely was amazing!  I looked over your shoulder and it
looks like you were on a roll although, to be honest, I couldn't really
figure out your cryptic notes.  Maybe you can explain it to me when
you're ready?"

"Um, ok, but I don't think I'm there yet.  I have a few more ideas to
fold in but it's not jelling yet."

"Ok, I'll wait but sometimes it's good to take a break from a problem
and do something else that doesn't require any concentration.  It seems
to free your mind to break the logjam.  How about a walk outside before
you go back to your work?"

I really wanted to get back to my problem but if I learned anything
about Helen it's that it didn't pay to suggest an alternative when she
seemed to have her mind set on something.  I begrudgingly agreed.

When the door was opened to the outside I was blinded by the bright
afternoon light.  I let myself be guided around by Helen who didn't
really seem to have a direction in mind and we just sort of took a
random tour of the hotel facilities.  I hadn't really noticed it before
but our hotel was actually quite luxurious with nice garden, a small koi
pond, pool, hot tub, outdoor bar, and even a dance floor near the pool. 
We decided to sit on the bench by the koi pond and just sat and watched
the fish swim while we listened to the gurgling waterfall pouring into
the pond.  It was mesmerizing and almost hypnotic.  After a period of
time of which I had no idea the duration Helen spoke to me. "So what
have you been working on Jim?"  She spoke quietly and without any sense
of impatience for an answer.

"Well, I have a 'notion' about how these personalities can be mapped
into their respective 'plumbing' but I can't quite figure out how to
convert the 'notion' into a practical implementation.  I'm afraid I
might be creating a great research project but will have no short term
value to save us."  I said with complete honesty.

Helen seemed impressed "Ok, that would be a real problem if that's
what's happening but is there an alternative?"

"Well, that's what I've been racking my brain about.  Trying to find a
shorter term solution."

"What happens when you pursue this line of thought?"

"Well, I keep coming back to the 'notion' as being the right approach so
it's a never ending circle."

"So, let me put a different spin on my alternative question. If your
'notion' is the right answer but it takes longer than we have does it
really matter?"

"What do you mean?" I asked not sure I wanted to hear the answer.

"Suppose there is only one solution.  It's your 'notion'.  Why would you
waste any energy on looking for an alternative since you're only losing
ground in doing so?  If it's right it doesn't matter if it's not right
in time for us.  It will be right for someone at sometime in the future.
Don't dwell on whether it's right for us.  Do it because it's right!"
Helen was rubbing my back.  What she said made sense but I didn't like
the idea that I could do something right and the company would still go
under - that Helen's career would be over.

Helen must have sensed my anguish.  She said "Jim.  I know you are
concerned about the outcome of all of this and I appreciate it but if
you learn anything in this little trial it should be to focus on what
you can control.  If you get distracted but what you can't control you
lose effectiveness.  And that's one thing we can't afford right now."

I realized she was right.  It was like she took a huge load off my
shoulders.  I felt a lot better and I think she sensed the change in me. 
It was as if I sat a little straighter and was a little more confident.

"That's right.  Relax.  Let's walk some more and then get back to work." 
She put her arm in mine and we walked around the garden a bit more but
this time talking about the solution to my idea.  We didn't resolve
anything in particular but I felt as if the tumblers on a combination
lock were starting to fall into place.  By the time we got back to our
room I was anxious to begin again.  I suspect Helen felt lost within 10
seconds of us entering the room - I was back in my trance but no longer
going in circles.

Helen tapped me on my shoulder later in the day and I came out of my
trance.  She smiled and said "Break time! You've been cooped up too long
and it's time for dinner.  No take out tonight.  You are going to bring
me to a nice dinner."  This wasn't a question or an order - it just was
and I didn't question it.

We decided 'nice' simply meant eating out and not having pizza.  We
didn't need to get dressed up.  Good thing.  I had two choices for
clothes. Grubby or my $2000 suit.  A whole lot of room in between these
two styles.  We went to a local Italian restaurant and had a nice meal
and split a bottle of Chianti.  Helen picked out the wine.  I think she
almost picked out the most expensive bottle on the menu.  She said she
wanted to pick the most expensive but the second most expensive would be
better.  I'm not a wine connoisseur but it sure tasted fine to me.  I
was very relaxed by the time we got back to our room.

I wasn't sure that I would get much done at that point and said so to
Helen.  She replied "It's ok Jim.  You worked long and hard today.  You
need a break.  Tomorrow we need to review my work and see how it merges
with your thinking.  I was able to apply personalities to all of the
software packages and I need you to review these to make sure they make
sense.  Then we need to express those personalities in terms that makes
sense with your thinking.  Then hopefully we'll have an idea how big the
problem really is.  You should get some rest.  You were bent over your
desk all day today.  Do you need a back rub or something?"

Ordinarily I wouldn't have presumed to suggest that Dr. Wicks give me a
back rub or even the time of day but the wine had loosened me up to the
point where it slipped out "Oh yeah, a back rub would be great.  The
back of my neck especially."

I flopped on to the sofa face down and had one arm (the one against the
back of the sofa) next to me and the other hanging over the side of the
sofa.  I felt Dr. Wicks - I mean Helen start to rub my back and then
said "Take off your shirt and I'll get some lotion."

I took off my shirt and flopped back down on the sofa.  It felt good to
lie there.

I heard Helen come back and heard the sound of her hands rubbing
together. "This might be cold for a second.  Sorry."
With that I jumped when she touched me.  It was cold but it soon warmed
to skin temperature and I was enjoying the feeling of the tight muscles
and strain being rubbed out of me.  I drifted off as she worked her way
around my back and worked the tension out of my neck.

I woke with a start when I felt my shoulder being jiggled. "Jim, you
should go to bed so you don't get tight again."

"unmm, huh?"

"Wake up.  You fell asleep but it will be better if you sleep in your
bed.  I'll help you up."

I had this vague sleepy sensation of being partly lifted and partly
walking on my own.  I felt this cloth against my skin and it was the
soft terry cloth of a bath robe.  I didn't remember putting on a bath
robe.  I slipped and someone caught me and I felt a softer sensation of
skin against mine but then terry cloth again. 

Chapter 5

It was all a dream.  The next morning I woke fresh again and ready to
go.  I showered and called room service for breakfast.  I looked at my
notes from the day before and almost immediately saw a stupid mistake I
had made in one calculation.  I corrected it and then heard all the
tumblers fall.

I realized that it was possible to map the personalities into conversion
code.  I needed to confirm with Helen with her personality assignments
for the software packages but I was pretty sure I found the secret.  I
paced around until breakfast came.  I gobbled down breakfast and then
had to wait for Helen to get up.  I probably waited five minutes and
then couldn't wait any longer.  I knocked on her door.  No answer.  I
knocked again, louder this time. No answer.  I cracked open the door and
peaked in and said "Helen?  I need you to wake up."

"Huh, what?  What's happening? What's wrong?" 

"Nothing's wrong Helen but I need to review something with you.  It
can't wait.  Can you get up and then you can go back to bed later after
you look at this stuff?"

"Groan. Jesus Jimmy.  What fucking time is it anyway?"

"I don't know.  Your clock says 6:45."

"Christ! Ok, but this better be good.  Close the door.  I'll be out in a
second.  Do you have any fucking coffee left?  If not get some and GET
OUT!" Wowee - she isn't exactly a morning person...

I checked the coffee and there was still half a carafe but I thought I
had better order some more just in case.  A short time later Helen came
out in her bathrobe and looked almost as bad as yesterday. God she could
scare a ghost with the look she gave me.

"Ok, what the fuck's going on? No.  Don't tell me until I've had some
coffee.  God, what I do for this job..."

Helen made her own coffee - I decided to try to stay out of her way. 
She finally calmed down enough to civily ask "Ok, I'm up.  I think I'm
ready.  What is it?"

"Um, I think I cracked the puzzle.  Look, here are my new notes.  See if
you see any holes in this."

Helen woke up to that and started to look at my notes.  She looked at
the first couple of pages and kept flipping back to the first sections
to double check something and then whispered "Jesus Jim.  This is
brilliant.  No, this is more than brilliant! I wouldn't have ever made
this leap but it makes complete sense.  We've got to work on the
personalities. Let me get my notes and we'll see how these fit
together."

She ran to get her notes and came flying back.  I saw her bathrobe open
to show her legs up to her thighs but I dont' think she realized it
because she was flipping through her notes.  I had a momentary thought
that they were the legs of a much younger woman but the thought passed
as she approached and started describing her personality
characterizations. 

For the next couple of hours we huddled together, Helen in her bathrobe,
me in my grubbies, reviewing each other's notes and then finally Helen
looked up and said "I think you may have pulled off the miracle Jim. 
How long do you think it will take to code your technique? Maybe nothing
permanent but a prototype to test?"

"I don't know.  It's really not all that complicated now that I see it.
If we leave out some of your more eccentric personalities I might be
able to have something to test later today.  If I show you how to code
the personalities can you do this while I work on the conversion code?"

"You bet!  Show me what to do!  Wait.  Let me shower and get dressed
first - boy don't I look a sight.  Some software project manager I must
look like!" and she went off to her room to get dressed.  Funny - I
hadn't thought she looked like a software manager at all at that
point...

I had already begun framing my code when she returned.  I stopped my
stuff and told her we needed a language to express the personalities. 
We didn't need to get too sophisticated but it needed to be complete
enough to provide accurate conversion.  Did she want to take a stab at
that?

Helen smiled.  I wished she smiled more often...  She finally told me
that she had speciallized in expression languages in her doctorate work
so she 'might' be able to handle the task.  I was about to apologize
when she put her fingers on my lips to shush me and she said "No Jim.  I
didn't say that to put you down.  I just wanted to make sure that you
could count on me without worrying about my part of the job.  You had no
way of knowing - that's the only reason I told you."

She said it so sweetly it seemed like a different Helen.  Not a
different person - she was still Helen but a different Helen than I
thought I knew.  Curious.  I went back to my coding...

Hours later I was ready to run my first experiment.  We decided to try
my program with some applications we had already had conversion programs
for.  This way we could make sure we got the same results with the new
code.  Helen coded the personality of the application program we were
testing while I set up the test.  When Helen was done we ran the test -
it took about 15 minutes and then we compared the results.  We were both
pretty crestfallen when the results didn't match.

"Damn!" Helen said. "I was sure you had it.  Maybe we coded the
personality wrong or some typo in your code."  A typo is a euphemism in
programming jargon.  It stands for typographical error where maybe my
finger slipped while I was typing and mistakenly typed the wrong key -
so the program was correct but just not typed properly.  In reality we
both knew that typos rarely survived the compiler check.  Sure you could
make typos but they never got to effect program execution.  In short a
"typo" was a polite way of saying programming screwup.

I began to look at where the errors were and compared the errors to the
sections of code that could have produced the error.  This sounds like
an easy task but was really quite complicated - especially with the way
this program was constructed.  I spent hours decomposing the error to
isolate the code.  I finally looked up and saw Helen sort of trying to
read something while waiting for me to find the problem.  "I don't get
it Helen.  If this personality is correct then the code is producing the
correct result for the input that we have.  I can't find a single thing
wrong.  Are you sure this is the right personality."

"Yes, I tripled checked that while you were going through the code. 
Maybe there was just some glitch when we ran the test and we would get
different results if we ran it again?"

A glitch is another one of those euphemisms.  It means "It can't
possibly be my code, it must be some gremlin in the system."

Since I don't believe in gremlins I don't believe in glitches.

"God, I don't know where to turn.  Can you look at this data and see
what you think?"

"Sure, let me see it.  Let's look at each error methodically.  You look
on your system I'll look on mine and we'll see if we see anything
unusual."

We went to each error one by one and compared results.  Helen called off
the errors.
"First one.  New result: 527, Original: 0.  Second one.  New result:
737, Original: 0. Next one. New result: 1525, Original: 0"

As she said the last data point we both looked at each other.  Three
points make a straight line - a straight line to Hell!

Our new program wasn't screwing up!  The old one was!  The program we
had been selling for years and had been using for testing purposes was
not processing all of the data properly.  I didn't catch it because I
was only looking at the new results thinking that the old results were
correct.  Jesus.  All these hours and my new program was working
correctly.  I didn't know whether to laugh, cry, or go stark raving mad. 
Helen solved that problem.

She let out a bit of a laugh as she sat back in her seat. "You know.  It
would be truely fitting if we spent the remainder of the three weeks
trying to 'fix' your program to match these old results..."

I roared as the sweet justice of that scenario played out in my mind. 
We both ended up laughing and crying at the same time.  Finally, Helen
said, "I think you have a winner Jim.  This calls for a celebration.
Tonight we party.  Tomorrow we begin to bust our humps writing the code
and personalities for these other programs.  How does that sound?"

"It sounds mighty fine with me!  Do you think you could find us another
nice wine like last night?"

"Oh so you are beginning to like these expensive wines huh?  Don't get
too used to them.  We may have to be drinking cheap shit soon enough. 
But YES!  Let's go in style tonight.  I'm going to see what I can find
in some nice little togs and you wear your new suit.  Nothing but the
best for tomorrow we may die..."

Helen disappeared for about two hours while I cleaned up my code and
prepared to make it ready for adding the rest of the features we would
need for Genetech's applications.  When Helen came back she said she
found a nice place for us to go and had something new (and expensive) to
wear.  We would go out in about an hour.  That gave me time to finish
up, shower, and change into my new suit.

I came out and felt like a million bucks - looked like it too.  About 5
minutes later this woman I didn't recognize came out of Helen's room. 
She had on this short slinky black dress that was sleeveless and had
spaghetti thin straps.  She filled it out very nicely and her long
shapely legs made one wonder where they would end.

"WOW! You look gorgeous Helen!  I may have trouble talking about
software tonight with you dressed like that!"

"That's good Jim.  The last thing I want to talk about tonight is
software so if that's the effect of this dress then it was worth all of
the company's money I spent on it." she said with a laugh.  God she
should laugh more often...

We went out to a very expensive restaurant.  I had a great time watching
Helen try to modestly climb into the Jeep.  After dinner Helen had me
drive back because she drank more of the wine than I - it was a REALLY
GOOD wine.  With the effects of the wine and me helping her in and out
of the Jeep, the climb in and out was even more entertaining than the
first time.

As we arrived in our room the phone message light was on.  Helen was
going to ignor it but I decided I had better play it.

"Where are you guys?  Why aren't you working?  I hope you're at the
customers right now.  This is serious! Call me as soon as you get back!"
screamed the disembodied voice of our CEO.

"Fuck him!" responded Helen.  "He can wait until the morning!" and she
turned to head to her room.

Just then the phone rang. "Christ!  Can't the asshole leave us alone?"
Helen was out of her reverie now.  Reality hit hard.  She sighed and
said "I guess I did say I'd call him.  Stupid prick!"

She picked up the phone and said "Molly's whorehouse!  What's your
pleasure?"  I could see a smile form on her face as I figured Charles
was first confused and then realized he had been duped.

"Yes Charles.  We just got your message." 

"No, we were out to dinner.  It is ok if we eat right?" 

"No, we didn't want take out tonight.  We figured that cooped up in one
place for two days without showers or anything we needed to air out a
little." 

"No, just kidding.  What's up?"

"No, I wasn't going to call you tonight because I didn't have anything
positive to say to you."

"Oh no, we're making progress but we wasted half a day today debugging
our program only to find out the program you've been shipping for years
was the crappy one!"

"No, I'm not kidding you and yes, we are making progress.  I'm not going
to tell you what a brilliant programmer Jim Bishop is because you
wouldn't understand it but he's a miracle worker."

"Yes, I did say miracle and you know I don't use that term lightly."

"I'm not going to go into details tonight Charles.  I'm too tired and
we've got too much work to do tomorrow."

"NO! I do not want any more programmers.  Christ!  That's all I need. 
You must really have a death wish or you're just simply stupid Charles."

Long pause.

"No, Charles.  I'm not trying to insult you.  You do a good enough job
on your own.  I'm going to bed now.  I'll call you when I have some real
results to report.  Goodnight." and she hung up.

"Man, I was in a fine mood until that fool called.  Remind me to update
my resume when we're finished with this project." and she went off to
bed.

Damn.  I thought to myself.  I was feeling good myself until reality
struck.  Maybe I had better stop getting distracted and just focus on
getting this work done.  I went to bed as well.

Chapter 6

I got up early again the next morning.  I hadn't slept all that well so
I wasn't as fresh as I wanted to be but fortunately most of the real
brain work has already been done.  I decided to focus on the grunt work
of creating the individual versions of each personality rather than
doing the more difficult parts of handling the eccentric aspects of
personalities.  Both pieces needed to be done anyway and I wanted to be
fresher when I worked on the more difficult parts.

I had been working for a while when I heard Helen come out of her room. 
I looked up and thought she should have stayed in bed longer.  "Good
morning Helen.  How are you this morning?"  I tried to be cheery.

"Ugh!  I shouldn't have drunk as much as I did last night!  How abusive
was I to that fool Williamson?" she gathered her bathrobe and headed to
the coffee carafe.

"Well, the last thing you said as you headed to bed was something about
updating your resume."

"Geez, I only get to that point when I think things are hopeless. So I
guess I made a potentially career limiting move?"

"Well, I don't know much about your relationship with Williamson but I'd
say he's probably not very happy with you right now.  Also you may have
made a fatal move by saying I was responsible for the success we've had
- he may think you're expendable."

"Well, I probably am.  You've done all the creative work on this thing. 
I'm absolutely in awe of what you've come up with."

"You flatter me Dr. Wicks but I wouldn't have had the idea without
working with you.  It was working with you that made the idea possible."

"Oh I must have really screwed up last night!  You're calling me Dr.
Wicks again? No more Helen?"  Helen looked concerned.

"No, that's not it.  I'll still call you Helen but in this context it's
'Dr. Wicks' to give you your due respect.  I am quite serious about this
'Helen'.  I have never had such a technically satisfying relationship as
the little bit of time I've been honored to spend with you.  You are
remarkable and despite the pressure and strain of this assignment I
couldn't think of anything else I'd rather be doing - and YOU are the
reason."

I saw Helen turn toward the kitchen as if to do something there.  She
moved her hands to her face and just stood there for a long pause. 
Finally she turned, wiped her eyes, and said in a choked voice "That's
the most wonderful thing you could have said to me Jim.  I've always
been confident in myself but sometimes you just need some reinforcement. 
Since Paul left I guess I haven't really gotten this reinforcement and I
didn't realize how much I missed it or needed it.  Coming from you I
think the comment is even more powerful - I've never met anyone like
you.  Paul was brilliant but he had his quirks.  You're the first person
I've known as brilliant you are but still had an openness, integrity,
and fair treatment of others.  I am honored to work with you."

It was my turn to get choked up.  Rather than continue I decided to
escape into my work.  I simply said "Thank you Helen.  Now are you going
to goof off the rest of the day or are you going to help me with this
stuff?"

Helen cracked up and said "Yes Sir!" saluted and marched off to her
room. Her bathrobe showed a substantial amount of legs as she did so.
"Careful" I said to myself. "Don't let yourself get distracted again."
and put my head back down to get back to work.

We worked together creating the personality files and refined the
description language as I fine-tuned the code implementation.  We kept
ourselves busy through the next several days only taking breaks to get
out of the occasional ruts.  Helen called Genetech on Friday to let them
know that she would be there on Monday to begin testing the work we will
have completed at that point.  We both decided we would have to 'divide
and conquer' the problem.  At the rate of progress we were making we
would have a good portion of testable code by Monday so I would continue
creating new code while Helen tested the code that was done.  This was
our only hope of even coming close to meeting our deadline.  Genetech
said they would be able to help us test throughout the week but warned
us that we wouldn't be able to test on the following weekend and
reminded us it was a long weekend due to the Memorial day holiday on the
following Monday.  We hadn't realized that and thought the timing stunk. 
We may be completely done with the code by then and wouldn't have
anything to do over the long weekend.  We both viewed this as a nasty
impact to our three week deadline.  We essentially lose 3 days off of
our allocated time.   We didn't dwell on this but it only fueled our
activity in trying to get as much done before next weekend as possible.

The next several days were a blur.  Get up. Code. Take an occasional
break.  Have food delivered. Eventually go to bed.  Helen went off to
Genetech on Monday and began her testing.  Occasionally she would call
to ask some questions and point out some minor problems she found. 
Fortunately everything was working fairly well and she said the Genetech
people were amazed.  They were surprised that we had something to test
so soon but even more amazed that it actually worked!  This feedback
only inspired us to work harder since it encouraged us that we might
actually succeed and keep the company from going under.

Twice Helen worked late at Genetech and by the time she got back to the
hotel she found me face down sleeping on the desk.  Once I was face down
on the keyboard and the file I had been working on was filled with
'bhnbvhbnvhnbnhnvhvbnhvhbnnv...'  I had to fix it the next morning. 
Each time Helen would gently wake me up and help me walk to the bed.  I
was dead tired by the end of the day but always woke fresh and ready to
go first thing in the morning.

By the time Friday arrived we had tested about a third of the work we
needed to complete and I was just about done with all of my coding. 
Helen came back early sort of let down saying that they had closed the
offices early due to the holiday weekend.  She couldn't do any more work
and was grumpy because of it.  She asked me how I was doing and was
pleased to hear that I was almost done. She left me alone and I was
finished everything around 5PM.

As I got up from the workstation I said "All done!  I've checked
everything twice and made a backup of the files.  All we have left to do
is the testing.  I can help you next week and we should be able to get a
lot done if we have a couple of systems to test on."

"Great!  Yes, they said they could make 4 test beds available for us if
we can use that many.  Should I call the home office to have some more
testers sent out?"

"No, there won't be anybody around now until Tuesday so they probably
won't be able to be here until Wednesday.  I think I can keep at least
two systems busy - maybe three so we can probably use all four if we
don't run into any major problems that needs fixing."

"God what I would give to have a mind like yours!" Helen said with
sincere awe.

I blushed and changed the subject. "So what do you want to do this
weekend?  You're probably sick of having me around so I'll understand if
you want to go off on your own."

"Nah, I enjoy being with you Jim.  You make me feel young again!  I'm
not sure what we should do but, if you don't mind, I'd like to do
something together."

"Really?  I would 'love' to spend the weekend with you."  I blushed when
I realized I had probably overemphasized the word 'love'. I tried to
recover by saying "Umm, what I mean is that I am honored that you would
want to spend the weekend with me."  I then thought that maybe this was
too formal and tried to rephrase again. "Er, I mean..."

Helen held up her hand laughing. "Jim, stop!  I got the point.  Let's go
out to dinner tonight.  We'll talk about our ideas to do something and
decide then.  Meanwhile, let me call the 'fool' so that I'm sober when I
have the conversation and we'll be done with that problem.  Then we'll
be free to think about being human for a couple of days.  OK with you?"

"Yes! It sounds great!  Can we go someplace fancy and will you wear that
new dress of yours?"  I realized I had probably overstepped my bounds
and wanted to recover but Helen responded immediately.

"So... You like my slinky little black dress Jim?" she said slyly.

I turned beet red!  "Er, sorry.  It was just a thought..." I said
sheepishly.

"I think it's a great thought!  Let's do it!  Give me a few minutes
alone with the 'clown' and then I'll shower and change for dinner.  Why
don't you get the concierge to reserve a table at the same place for
around 7PM?"

"Sure, I'll go to the desk.  I probably should see some daylight
anyway..."

I took a long walk through the garden on the way to the front desk and
then headed back to the room.  Helen was already in her room getting
ready so I went to shower and dress.  I was beginning to unwind and
looked forward to the weekend.

Chapter 7

Helen looked stunning again and I told her so. She blushed and thanked
me for being so good for her ego.  I asked about her call with
Williamson. 

"Don't get me going on that.  I'm in a good mood and want to stay that
way.  Let's just say he's happy that the code is done but wants
something he can't have - as usual.  He wants to know that we're going
to save the day.  I told him we wouldn't know that until we finished the
testing AND the customer signed off on it.  Somehow he keeps forgetting
the customer is a key factor in all of this.  He even had the stupidity
to suggest that he send Sam to convince the customer to accept what we
have.  Can you believe it?  I suggested an alternative equally rude and
he shut up.

"Ok, enough of that.  You look great too.  Is my 'gentleman' ready to
take his 'lady' away from all of this?" Helen asked sweetly holding out
her arm for me to take it.

"Am I ever!" I thought to myself.

I escorted Helen to the Jeep anticipating her climb into the passenger
seat and she did not disappoint.  We arrived at the restaurant and we
were given the 'red carpet' treatment.  Probably a result of the amount
of money Helen dropped the last time we were there.  We had a wonderful
meal and yet another great bottle of wine.  We split it equally this
time.  The first time we went out I only had eyes for Helen but this
time I noticed the rest of the people in restaurant and felt a certain
amount of pride and pleasure as I noticed both the men and the women
kept looking over at us - especially at Helen who was absolutely
beaming.

We had a great conversation this time.  As we tried to figure out what
to do this weekend we had reason to discuss what we liked to do and what
our interests were.  I knew that she liked to bike but really hadn't dug
into it until that night.  I had a chance to relive some things I hadn't
done in years but this coming opportunity reminded me of things
forgotten.  We had a wonderful time.  We couldn't stop relaying funny
events from the things we liked and were laughing and joking the entire
time.  I loved it when Helen laughed and absolutely melted when she
smiled as she intently listened to me explaining the things I liked. 

At one point I remembered Sylvia's remark about 'Dr. Bitch' and I
cracked up.  Helen looked curious and asked what was funny.

"Oh nothing special.  I'm just having such a wonderful time with you and
I wouldn't have ever imagined this just two weeks ago."

"Yeah, you're right.  When I asked for you to work on this I was only
thinking about your programming skills.  I never expected to want you to
be a friend.  Am I being presumptous Jim?  Could you be a friend?"

Her question startled me in several respects.  She was nine years older
than me and tremendously more experienced.  I never expected her to ask
ME to be HER friend. God!  I could be her friend forever.  I finally
responded.

"Helen, of course."  I wanted to say a thousand words more but knew I'd
fumble it and might go way too far.

By the end of the evening we decided we would go to Monterey area and do
a variety of things.  The first thing would be a stop at my favorite
spot on the coast, Point Lobos State Park.  I just loved that spot and
could sit there for hours just watching the rugged coast.  I had told
Helen about one time I did just that and hadn't noticed a storm brewing
behind me.  I sat there as this squall hit and I got completely
drenched.  I had been so surprised I just decided to sit and continue to
watch the coast with this entirely new experience adding to my memory of
the spot.  Helen loved that story and really wanted to add her presence
to my memory of the spot.  This really floored me and made me realize
how sincere Helen's request to be my friend really was.

We headed home with me, once again, enjoying Helen's entrance and exit
from the Jeep.  I took Helen's arm and escorted her back to our suite. 
I thought about doing more (like kissing her) but the visit to Point
Lobos had taken on such a level of importance to me now I didn't dare
risk ruining that possibility with a stupid move at this point.  Helen
sensed my hesitation and must have felt likewise so turned and kissed me
on the cheek and said "I had a wonderful time this evening Jim.  Thank
you very much.  I'm really looking forward to tomorrow.  Good night."

I tossed and turned all night.  I was excited about the trip and
couldn't sleep soundly.  As usual I got up early and pestered the front
desk for a map of the Monterey area.  I was working on our route and
possible places we could visit when Helen came out of her room.  Still
in her bathrobe as always but looking dramatically better than she had
on other mornings.  She began the conversation with a cheery "Good
morning Jim!  Ready for our adventure?"

"You bet.  I got a map and plotted out some possible routes. Come see if
this looks ok."

"Just a sec.  Let me get my coffee."  Helen got her coffee and then came
over to my desk.  I got up to let her sit so I could show her the map
and the different ideas I had.  She leaned over the map and I leaned
over her to show the ideas I had. 

"I think I would like to go directly to Point Lobos via the direct
route.   Normally I would go by Route 9 through Big Basin which is a
beautiful ride through the redwoods but it is a very curvey road and the
Jeep wouldn't handle it very quickly - it's really thrilling to ride in
a sports car but we would need to take it slowly in the Jeep.  After our
conversation last night I am really excited to show you Point Lobos." I
said blushing.

"Yes, that sounds good.  Let's do that.  What's next?"

I started to show her the next idea and as I looked down I saw that her
bathrobe had fallen open slightly and with the straight down view I had
I could completely see her right tit.  God!  It was beautiful!  I was
lost just looking at it when Helen looked up and repeated "What's next?"

Fortunately she didn't notice me looking down her bathrobe but as I
explained the other ideas I had I kept stealing looks down her robe.  I
was sweating furiously and having trouble breathing.  At one point she
asked me if I was ok or was I getting sick.  Yeah Lust sick!  I thought
to myself but said no I was fine.  I backed off so I wouldn't continue
to be tempted and finished my ideas.  We agreed to the plan but also
agreed we could leave the details open since we didn't have anything we
really needed to do other than go to the park.

Helen got up to get ready and I went for a walk in the garden while I
waited so I could cool off and think about what I had seen.  I realized
that I had started with a pre-conception of Dr. Wicks as a sexless
software tyrant and slowly but surely discovered that the coarse outer
shell was hiding a perfect womanly gem inside.  I was glad I didn't feel
this way earlier in our stay because it would have gotten in the way of
getting our important work done.  But now...  We were about to take off
for a long weekend alone without any work to distract us from becoming
closer.  Would that ruin us or strengthen us?  How could a stupid 27
year 'boy' think he could ever be attractive to a 36 year old gorgeous
and intelligent woman?  Sure she wanted to be friends but after seeing
her lovely breasts I wasn't sure that was enough.  I really wanted to
hold and taste those lovely orbs.  I wanted to hear her moan as I sucked
and licked her.  I wanted to move my hands over her lucious ass, thighs,
and cunt.  God!  What am I doing!  I've got to get control of myself. 
We're just going on a trip together as friends.  Don't spoil it with
your adolescent lust!  My thoughts were interrupted by a shout from
Helen.

"Hey!  I wondered where you went!  Are you ready to go?"

Helen was in her yummy, hip-hugging, jeans.  She had on a button down
blouse and Oh God! I don't think she was wearing a bra.  The cool
morning air had her nipples fully erect.  Christ!  Just when I was
getting my resolve back!

"Um, er, yeah.  I just need to get my bag and the map."  I moved quickly
past her and got my stuff and met her at the Jeep.

"You don't mind if you drive do you Jim?  I would just like to sit back,
relax, and let you take over for a while."

"No, Helen, that's fine.  Let's go."

We got on the freeway south and once we got past Santa Cruz the ride
became pretty boring so Helen moved her seat back so she was lying down. 
I was trying to drive while I kept looking over at Helen's tits jiggling
with each bump in the road.  We were about 10 miles outside of Monterey
when Helen stirred and sat up.

"Where are we?"

"Just outside of Monterey.  We have about 17 miles to Point Lobos."

"Hmmm, ok.  Um Jim?"

"Yes?"

"I'm going to ask you a question and I need you to be perfectly honest
with me."  Oh Oh, now what?

"Of course, Helen.  I couldn't lie to you. What do you want to know?" I
asked concerned about the serious sound in her voice.

"Well, you have been a perfect gentleman on this trip.  I could imagine
other men trying to take advantage of the close proximity we've had over
the last two weeks.  You didn't and I appreciate it.  Now we're going on
this weekend together and I've sensed a change in you.  I feel like
you've kept looking over at me and you've been in an, umm, obvious state
of excitement." I blushed completely embarrassed that I had been caught. 
I was about to say something when she held up her hand and continued.
"Hold on a sec.  What I want to know is whether this trip is a mistake. 
Are you going to get 'weird' on me?"

"Umm, no Helen.  I respect you.  It's just that something happened this
morning and it's got me flustered."

"What happened?"

"Well, when I was describing our route this morning I could see down
your robe and, well, I saw your breast.  I'm sorry.  I didn't mean to
peek."

"Ok, so you saw my breast.  You should have said something and I would
have covered up.  I assure you it was not intentional.  So why has your
demeanor changed?"

I was trying to figure out how to answer that - I wasn't sure myself. 
All I know is that it added a new dimension to my attraction to her. So
I said "Well, I never thought of you as a woman and..."

"WHAT!  WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN 'You never thought of me as a woman!'"
She screamed.

"No, wait that isn't what I mean."

"SHUT UP!  YOU FUCKING BASTARD! YOU'RE JUST LIKE THE REST OF THEM!  THE
ONLY THING YOU THINK A WOMAN IS GOOD FOR IS YOUR FUCKING PLAYTOYS. 
CHRIST I THOUGHT YOU WERE DIFFERENT." she paused and started to choke
up.

"GOD DAMN YOU!" she screamed with tears forming in her eyes.  She
started sobbing loudly then and cried "I REALLY thought you were
different.  I REALLY wanted you to be different.  FUCK FUCK FUCK!  I
HATE ALL OF YOU!" she was really sobbing now.  She was physically
gasping for breath she was crying so hard.

"Helen..." I tried timidly.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!  I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANOTHER THING FROM YOU!" she
screamed between gasps.

"YOU BASTARD!" she started hitting me.  I tried to fend her off while
keeping the Jeep on the road.  I couldn't believe or understand the
vehemence of her reaction. She stopped hitting me but probably only
because she knew she would kill us both if she continued.  She gathered
her breath and finally said "Drop me off in Monterey.  I'm going to get
a ride back.  I don't want to see you at the hotel until Tuesday.  I
don't really want to see you then either but I don't have a choice. 
Maybe I'll find another place and just see you at Genetech.  I don't
know but I do know one thing, if you show up before Tuesday I will
really KILL you!"

I was dumbfounded.  What the fuck did I do?  Christ I am totally
confused.  I wanted to say something but I didn't dare because I
couldn't afford her to start hitting me again.  Jesus, I didn't know
what to do.  I drove on in silence hoping she didn't start up again.  As
much as I wanted to figure this all out I was so afraid of her at this
point I just wanted to drop her off and get her out of the car.  I
pulled into Monterey and got off the highway.  I hadn't gone very far
when Helen said "Stop here.  This is good."

I pulled over and she openned the door before I even stopped rolling. 
She reached in the back and grabbed her bag and said to me with daggers
in her eyes "I'm dead serious about you showing up.  I'll cut off your
balls if you do."  With that she slammed the door shut.  I was so
startled by her parting action and remark I pulled away from the curb
screaming all four tires.  I almost ran into a car passing me.

I was stunned.  I had never witnessed such a reaction in my life and
under no circumstances had a reaction where I was totally confused by
the reason for the reaction.  I couldn't think.  I was on auto pilot.  I
just drove without knowing where I was.  I came to a stop and discovered
I had driven to Point Lobos.  What a fucking joke!  I had had such hopes
of sharing this with Helen and now...  Now what?  Where was I?  Totally
lost.

I got out of the Jeep and just walked on to my favorite spot.  When I
arrived I was sorry I had gone there.  I would never be able to return
here again.  I felt such pain and now I would always associate this spot
with this intense pain.  I sat down and started sobbing heavily.  I felt
so fucking lost.  I contemplated jumping off the cliff but wasn't sure I
would die.  I guess I was just a sorry-assed coward who was too stupid
to know what I had done to make Helen totally hate me.  I started
sobbing again.

Chapter 8

I don't know how long I was there.  It had been hours but it could have
been days for all I knew.  I moved between feeling intense pain, total
confusion, and uncontrollable sobbing.  I couldn't get angry at Helen no
matter how much I tried.  I must have done something but I didn't know
what.  More sobbing...

"Oh God Jim I'm sorry!"  I heard Helen's voice.  At first I thought I
was dreaming but I heard someone come up from behind me.  When I saw
Helen I jumped up and cowered back to avoid her hitting me again.  I
almost fell off the cliff when Helen grabbed me, pulled me toward her,
and hugged me. "Please Please forgive me!  I'm so God damned stupid. 
Please let me try to explain to you.  If you hate me forever I'll
understand but I have to explain. Can you stand to listen to me?"

I was more confused than ever but being so dumbfounded I was also
completely pliable. I just stood there with my arms hanging down while
Helen tried to hug me. She finally pulled back and drew me to sit next
to her.  She looked around and said "You're right, this is a beautiful
place."

This was like sticking a dagger in my heart and I started sobbing again. 
I couldn't believe the pain I was feeling.  I've had broken bones and
other injuries but never, ever, felt anything so painful in my life.

Helen put her arm around me.  "I've really hurt you.  I knew I had but I
didn't realize how much I hurt you until I saw you sitting here
sobbing."

She rocked me for a while and when I finally stopped crying she said "I
have to tell you a story that's really painful for me.  I'm probably
going to be incoherent at times.  Will you please let me finish before
you react?  If you want to yell at me or hit me afterward I'll
understand but can you please let me finish?"

I mumbled "yes" but didn't feel "yes".

She took a deep breath and began "When I was a graduate student I made
the serious mistake of falling in love with my advisor.  I know, lot's
of students have done this but, in this case, it had really serious
consequences.  My advisor was a well-respected, supposedly brilliant,
instructor and researcher.  He was widely published and I was amazed at
the range of his work and depth of knowledge.  Needless to say it was
any student's dream to have him as an advisor but especially a young
woman who was 3 years junior to most of the student's in that position. 
I made a fool of myself trying to get him as my advisor and was
extremely happy when, after an interview with him, he agreed to accept
me as one of his students.  In a very short time we started to work very
closely together and he kept telling me how brilliant I was and how I
would make a tremendous name for myself if I was willing to work harder. 
He suggested that I spend more time at his house so he could 'go over'
my work with me on a more intimate basis.  I was thrilled!  He really
knew how to stroke my young naive ego and soon we were lovers.  As I
struggled to get more technical aspects out of our 'collaboration' he
struggled to get more sex out of me.  It was pretty conventional to
start with but soon he started suggesting kinkier experiences.  At first
they were 'fun' sorts of things but soon they became more humiliating. I
tried to resist but it always came back to the same line 'if I really
loved him...'.  I bought it hook, line, and sinker!  I was bothered that
we didn't spend enough time talking about the technical work and was
becoming worried that I was falling behind.  He kept reassuring me that
I was doing fine and I would ace the project.  Project!  Christ we had
hardly talked about 'what' the project was let alone any details of the
project.  Looking back I see how stupid I really was but at the time I
was a love struck fool.  Then one night I went over his house on a
'date'.  Date! That's a joke!   Our dates had ceased long before this. 
Our dates consisted of me going to his place and either having
humiliating sex or cleaning up his house or doing his laundry or
something equally demeaning.  But this one night..."  Helen stopped.  I
could see this was a huge struggle for her.  She wanted to cry - I
sensed that she was using ALL of her willpower to avoid this because it
might keep her from finishing her explanation. 

I was still confused but I could see her pain.  I put my arm around her
and comforted her for a bit.  She choked back her tears and seemed to
gather her strength as I rocked her.  She began again "Then one night I
went to his place and was surprised that he had four of his colleagues
there.  I thought we had a date but maybe I made a mistake.  He assured
me we had a date but he told me he was in a serious quandry.  I thought
he looked very concerned and wanted to comfort him.  OH GOD!  I FEEL SO
FUCKING STUPID!"

I held her awhile.  I was barely breathing because I didn't want to blow
this.  She continued "Yeah, so this stupid little girl was going to save
my hero.  I asked his problem and told him I wanted to help.  He said it
was something he was having real difficulty and that I would hate him. 
I told him I loved him and could never hate him.  He then told me that
his colleagues had heard him bragging about how much I really loved him
and they told him they didn't believe it.  I said I would tell them.  He
said that they wouldn't believe that and would think I just did it to
help him out but it wouldn't 'prove' that I'd do anything for him.  I
asked what would 'prove' my love.  He said it would prove my love if I
did something that I would never in a million years do unless he asked
me.  Stupidly I said 'Of course, I understood that. What did he want me
to do?'" She paused and took a deep breath.  I thought she was going to
have a relapse but then she continued. "He told me that if I had sex
with all of his colleagues at his request this would prove my love." 

JESUS!  SHE DIDN'T REALLY? I thought to myself. 

"I was stupified.  Was he serious? Was this just a test?  He wouldn't
really want me to do that would he?  I knew it had to be just a test and
as soon as I agreed he would tell his buddies that this proved my love. 
So I said Yes!  OH GOD!  He told his buddies I would.  I waited for him
to then save me but he never did.  At each step I waited but he kept
watching.  It was worse than awful.  I was the most demeaning experience
I can imagine and I can't believe I actually did it."  Her demeanor
changed.  She became very clincal as if it was someone else she was
talking about. "At one point I had one in my cunt, one up my ass, two in
my hands that I alternated into my mouth. I was a zombie just doing
something mechanically trying to 'prove' my love.  I don't even remember
all of it.  I woke up later that night and was so disgusted and ashamed
I wanted to kill myself.  If I hadn't become so angry at this man and my
own stupidity I would have.  It was my anger that saved me.  I became a
total wasteland from my anger.  I could no longer have him as my
advisor.  I couldn't be on the same planet as he.  I left that school
and would have never finished my degree if it hadn't been for my savior. 
I had met a woman at a conference about a year before this 'date' and
apparently had impressed her with some of my work.  She knew of my
advisor and his penchant for using his female students. Most of his
published work was actually done by his students.  She was on the
advisory committee at another university and arranged for me to begin
again.  It took me two years to recover before I could actually do
anything productive.  By the time I finished my degree I had lost the
three year advantage I started with.  I didn't really care.  That I was
still alive was a miracle in itself."

I shook my head "God! What you went through.  Did you have the guy
thrown in jail?" I asked naively.

"No, it took me a while to recover enough to even consider it and then I
wanted to with a vengance.  When I spoke to my savior she advised
against it.  She pointed out that I probably wouldn't succeed and would
only humiliate myself in the process.  There wasn't actually any law
broken since I presumably agreed to do it. The school probably had some
ethics rules that were broken but this guy would have gotten off with a
hand slap and a wink.  In the end I decided to try to forget about it
and get on with my life.  Unfortunately it left scars that I couldn't
get rid of.  You were a victim of those scars.  I was never able to have
an intimate relationship with a man since then.  I never became
interested in women so I was left an empty, sexless, shell.  I almost
changed with Paul but discovered he had his own quirks that continued to
reinforce my view that all men were pigs that only wanted to use and
abuse women.  These past two weeks, however, have been wonderful and I
was starting to think maybe there was a man who somehow fit my distorted
view of what a man should be.  When you told me about seeing my breasts
and how this made you think of me as a 'woman' I went off the deep end. 
I cracked and took it out on you.  I am terribly sorry.  After you
dropped me off I just walked for a while completely angry at you and how
you let me down. But there was something wrong with the picture.  I kept
replaying the situation over and over in my mind and realized that you
weren't acting like a pig.  You've always been honorable.  That you let
me kiss you on the cheek last night and you didn't pursue it didn't fit
my image of a pig.  I started to think about your exact words.  I want
you to tell me again what was affecting you.  I promise to listen
completely and not react the way I did earlier.  Please forgive me and
please bear with me on this.  I need to know."

"Oh God, I don't know Helen.  I've never felt such pain in my life when
you told me you hated me.  You hit me but that was nothing compared to
the incredible pain I felt when I thought I had hurt you.  I was
confused and didn't know why.  I'm glad you told me.  I feel so so sorry
for what that creep did to you but I'm still not sure I know how to tell
you without upsetting you again.  I don't think I could take that.  When
I sat here I thought about jumping.  Without you nothing else seemed to
matter.  The only reason I didn't is I didn't think I could succeed and
I would end up a vegetable and a burden to someone. I don't know how to
tell you."  I felt desparate.

"Jim, please, tell me." Helen said but she already had tears in her
eyes.  I could see she was barely holding on.  I thought, if I'm going
to die, I owed her complete honesty and I could die free of guilt.

"Helen I love you.  I never loved anyone like I love you.  These two
weeks have been heaven and I never wanted them to end.  I was happy with
our platonic relationship because it was enough.  I was so satisfied
just being with you anything was fine.  Whatever I could get.  I loved
our dates." I regretted that choice of words as soon as I said it and
waited for hell's fury to break loose.  Helen just encouraged me to
continue but she was sobbing now.

"I felt so lucky just to be with you.  You were so beautiful in your
slinky black dress.  I loved the curve of your tight jeans. I was fine -
I thought.  I was able to stay under control.  Then I saw your breasts. 
Oh God they are so beautiful.  I was no longer able to think only in
platonic terms.  New ideas entered my head and I was afraid I would
scare you off.  Little did I know how much I would hurt you.  I'm so
sorry.  I didn't want to hurt you - I couldn't help myself."  I waited
for the end.

Helen burst out crying "OH GOD! OH FUCK!  WHAT HAVE I DONE?"  I knew the
end was near.  The pain had begun again and it was only going to be a
short time where I had to end it.

Helen jumped at me. I wanted to defend myself but felt I didn't deserve
it and held down my arms and let her attack me as much as she wanted.
She threw her arms around my neck and I thought "Yes, strangle me! 
Break my neck! That will be surer than jumping."  I fell backwards on to
my back and felt her full weight land on me.  I waited for the blows,
cringing with my eyes closed and then I felt her attack my mouth. No?
She was kissing me! What? How could this be.  Is she the master torturer
and she knows the ultimate pain and insult would be to tease me before
my death?  I heard her shouting.  I didn't want to hear the words - I
didn't want her insults but I couldn't help it - I listened.

"YOU ARE INCREDIBLE! GOD HOW I LOVE YOU!  I CAN't BELIEVE WHAT A FUCKING
IDIOT I'VE BEEN.  PLEASE FORGIVE ME JIM!  OH PLEASE DON'T HATE ME!" she
said this as she smothered me with kisses!

Wait a minute.  Did she say she loved me?  I openned my eyes and pushed
her away and looked deep into her eyes.  I wanted her kisses more than
almost anything but there was one thing I wanted more. "Helen!  What are
you saying?  You don't hate me?"

"Oh God Jimmy! I took your attentions as lust.  Never in a million years
did I expect that you loved me.  Why would you?  I'm old.  I've treated
you badly.  You're a billion times smarter than me.  You can have
everything!  How could I even consider you loved me.  You were so
distant and polite.  Then you changed.  I put you in the same class as
the swine that I had hated.  Oh my God!  You couldn't know how much I
wanted you to say exactly what you just told me.  I knew it was a fairy
tale ending to expect such a thing but I hoped against all hope that I
would see another miracle this week.  Working with you has been exactly
that.  You solved the problem but that's not the miracle I'm talking
about.  The miracle is you - learning about you and with every new thing
I grew to love you more.  I knew it was stupid - just like it was stupid
to expect my advisor to love me but I kept falling at every turn.  I was
so emotionally charged when you first spoke to me that I only allowed
one answer - of course you were a pig.  You couldn't possibly be the
hero I was starting to think.  It was another trap. It was another
fucking plot to set me up and abuse me.  But you didn't follow the
script.  You didn't confirm my worst fears.  You've confirmed my wildest
fantasies.  How could this happen to me?  I was once so humiliated and
now I'm so uplifted!  Is there a big balance sheet in the sky where
everything needs to even out?  I hope not because if there is I am
hopelessly overdrawn!  Jimmy - I love you with all my heart.  God help
me I want to be yours." All the while Helen paused and kissed me.  On my
lips, on my nose, on my forehead.  She was giddy.  I thought for a
second she was drunk but that couldn't be.  I couldn't believe what I
was hearing.

I could see her eyes were filled with hope and fear at the same time.  I
took a breath and asked a question I thought I could never ask "Helen,
do you know that I love you?"

"Oh yes!" came the immediate answer.

"Do you understand the problem I was having?"

"Oh yes, I completely understand now."

"Helen, do you forgive me?"

"Oh Jim! The only thing I won't forgive you for is if you don't kiss me
back right now!" and she jumped at me again.

This time I did kiss her back.  I kissed her deep and passionately.  I
kissed her so hard my mouth hurt but I wanted more.  Our tongues
explored each other and danced in each other's mouths and we wildly
rolled around in the grass.  I could barely breathe but would gladly
give up my breath to keep her lips on mine!  I had my arms around her
and pulled her close to me.  Closer and tighter. I felt I was squeezing
the life out of her but still I wanted her closer. We kissed each
other's faces and necks.  We hugged as we gasped for air.  Finally, the
sheer pleasure of just holding each other took over and we just held
each other for the longest time.

I finally said "God, I want to die like this!  I love the feel of you
close to me!  I don't want to ever move.  Please let me hug you forever
Helen. Don't ever let me let go of you.  Let me feel you breathing and
your warmth and your love pouring into me."  I was a stupid lovesick
fool rambling on and on but it wasn't enough for me.  I felt like I
could never convince her enough of my love.

"Oh Jimmy.  I love this feeling.  I don't think I've ever had anyone
hold me the way you do.  I can't believe how lucky I am to have someone
like you.  Yes, this is satisfying but I won't promise to never let you
let go of me."

I was stunned by Helen's last comment.  My world came crashing down. 
Why can't I alway have this?

"Helen, why? Why can't I always love you like this?" I asked gravely.

"Because silly.  If we always hold each other like this then I'm afraid
you won't think of me as a woman!" Helen smiled. God I loved that smile! 
But I was too confused to know what she was saying.

"What do you mean?"

"Well didn't you say that seeing my breast made you realize you wanted
more?"

Oh God - I'm not out of trouble for that stupid comment!  "Oh God Helen
- please don't be mad at me.  I didn't know about your past troubles.
Please don't be angry!" I pleaded in a panic.

"Angry?  I was just thinking that I kind of like the idea of you
thinking of me more as a woman than as the best, most amazing, software
architect you've ever known!" she said with a twinkle in her eye.  "Yes,
I'm thinking that if it takes seeing my breast to wake you up then this
is where we should start!" with that she started to unbutton her blouse. 
As she started I looked at her blouse and then at her eyes.  Her eyes
were smiling and she was telling me with her eyes that she really wanted
this.  By the third button I was starting to breathe heavily.  I didn't
know what to say.  I didn't know what to do.  I just watched - amazed.

She finished her buttons and pulled open her blouse.  She was beautiful! 
"Oh God Helen.  I can't deal with this. I have to touch you."

"Good, that's what I was hoping for."

I gently reached out and touched her breast.  She startled from my touch
but then moved her body to press her breast into my hand.  The feeling
was exquisite!  The silky smoothness and softness was offset by the
erect hardness of her nipple.  As I brushed across her nipple she moaned
and brought her lips back to mine.  It started as a delicate kiss - our
lips barely touching.  As if some primal communication was guiding us,
the intensity of the kiss increased with the force of my hand on her
breast.  I first felt her tongue on my lips while my hand spread and
covered all of her breast.  Her tongue forced my lips open as I pressed
harder against her. She dug deeply as I began to knead her breast and
pinch her nipples.  She was panting now as she tried to cover my mouth
completely with hers and drill her tongue into my soul.  It was
impossible - how could we breathe and pant at the same time? Helen was
moaning loudly now and pressing her whole body against me.  Her strength
was incredible as she pulled my head to her mouth hungrily wanting more. 
Her panting and moans alternated and became rythmical with an ever
increasing pace.  Finally she pulled away from me looking so deep into
my eyes I felt her in my stomach and she gasped and whispered a scream
"oh god jim!".  Her eyes fluttered and it was a look of wonder,
exhaustion, exhilaration, and complete satisfaction in one.

Finally she laid back, closed her eyes, and tried to catch her breath. 
I just laid on my side enjoying the wonder of her.  Finally she said -
"I never ever thought that was possible.  I had heard about people
having orgasms without genital stimulation but always thought that was
some bullshit con - how could it happen?  Christ Jim!  I love you so
much it scares me.  I want to shout to the world about my love for you. 
I've never felt anything like this.  Are you real?  Am I in a fantasy
again?  Can I trust myself? Can I trust you?"

She sat up then and looked into my eyes again.  I didn't know what to
say.  I wanted to convince her that she meant the world to me and she
could always trust me but I wasn't confident I could find the right
words to say it. Finally she said "I don't care.  I want you as long as
you're willing.  I love you too much to think that there is any other
possibility.  Will you have me for a while?" she asked bordering on
tears.

"Helen, I don't know the words to say what I'm feeling but I do know
that I will always want you.  I will have you as long as you want me.  I
will love you longer than that."

Helen started sobbing.  She was sobbing deeper than I had seen her
before.  She could not physically control the racking motion due the the
strengths of her sobs. She gasped out "OH JIM! How could I be so lucky?"

I held her and rocked her.  Her sobs eventually subsized but still I
held her and rocked her.  I alternated between looking down at her and
looking out at my favorite scene.  Earlier I thought I could never come
here again.  Now this was the most revered place on earth.  We stayed
like that until the evening fog started to roll in.  I was keeping her
warm with my arms but now she needed covering.  I suggested we head back
before we get locked into the park. Helen looked at me and smiled.  God
I loved that smile!

She put on her blouse and it finally dawned on me that I had driven here
with her car - how did she get here?

"I took a cab. The driver thought I was crazy getting a one way ride
here."

"How did you know where I'd be?"

Helen looked at me as if to ask if I was serious.  Realizing I was she
said "After the excitement you expressed last night for this place! 
Where else would you have gone?"

"But I was so upset after leaving you - what if I decided to go
someplace else?"

"I'll repeat my question Jim 'Where else would you have gone?'" she
smiled.

I thought about it and realized that she was right.  I hadn't thought
about coming here - I just came here.  Where else would I have gone?  I
smiled at the realization that she understood at least a part of me but
had to tease "So you think you know me huh?"

"I'm hoping to get to 'know' you a lot better." she said devilishly.

"Hmmm, we'll see.  I don't want you getting too confident."

"Jim you mean too much to me for me to be too confident.  Losing you is
too much of a price." Helen said seriously.

We headed back up the path and Helen said "Let's go find a place to
stay.  I have a friend who runs a B&B around here.  Let me call her and
see if she's got any rooms."

Helen rang while I drove back to Monterey.  Her friend was booked solid
but said she would try to find us a place.  Just as we were pulling into
Monterey Helen got a call and her friend told us about a place that had
had a cancellation and her friend booked it for us.  Helen wrote down
the directions and thanked her friend suggesting that maybe we could get
together on Sunday or Monday but Helen would call her tomorrow.

I followed Helen's guideance and, after a couple of missed turns, we
found the place.  It was a gorgeous Victorian Mansion!  We went to the
lobby and the proprietor greeted us with a warmth we found surprising. 
She said the 'room' was around back.  It turned out to be a separate
house that was a darling miniature Victorian and the house was entirely
our own!  It was perfect!  It was the storybook honeymoon bungalow and
we were thrilled.  Helen again asked about her luck and was misty eyed
again.

It turned out that Helen's friend, Roberta, and the proprietor, whose
name was Jane, were very good friends and, as result, Jane essentially
welcomed us into her house as our own.  Helen asked Jane about
restaurant recommendations and a place to get some decent wines.  Jane
invited us back to the main house where she had the menus from all the
local restaurants and made some very specific recommendations.  She also
said that the really good wine store would be closed for the three day
weekend but invited Helen to take anything from her private stock and
she would only charge us for its replacement value.  Jane did warn Helen
that some of them would be very expensive indeed and there were a few
that were irreplaceable and therefor, unfortunately, not part of the
offer. 

We made a reservation at the restaurant that Jane recommended most - I
should say Jane made the reservation.  The restaurant claimed to be full
but Jane asked for a special favor.  They couldn't take us until 9PM but
Helen said that would be fine - she wanted to try one of the phenomenal
wine choices from Jane's cellar anyway.  Jane welcomed us to join her in
her parlor but Helen declined and, with a wink to me, said that we would
enjoy the pleasure of a fire in our bungalow.

We went back to the bungalow and I started a fire while Helen opened the
wine.  The evening had chilled considerably so the fire was a welcome
relief.  I stood from making the fire and turned to find Helen waiting
with her arms open.  She kissed me gently and then hugged me for the
longest time.  I leaned down to kiss her on the top of her head an
lingered over the smell of her hair. Her full body against me felt so
wonderful and feeling her love flow into me made me the happiest man on
earth.  Helen suggested I sit and enjoy the fire and the wine while she
freshened up.  She disappeared while I sat mesmerized by the flames, the
delicious wine, and my thoughts about the day, the weeks, my life...

I heard Helen come back into the living room and saw that she was in her
nightgown.  I smiled and said "Darling.  We still have to go to dinner. 
It's not time for bed."

"Oh, I know it's not time for bed." she said with a sly grin.  She
pulled me toward the fire and I enjoyed the image of the light from the
fire shining through her nightgown showing the shadow of her naked body
underneath.  I hesitated, enjoying the view and Helen was perplexed for
a bit until she realized what I was looking at.  She let go of me and
moved closer to the fire and did a slow sexy pirouette.  The view and
effect was magnificent!  I really had died and gone to heaven and was
enjoying the dance of an angel.

I stood and kissed her but she pulled me down to lie next to her on the
rug in front of the fire.  She kissed me lightly and pulled off my
shirt.  She pushed my hands away and had me lie on my back while she
undressed me.  When she was done, she laid next to me and drew me to
her.  On our sides we kissed and pulled ourselves together.  I felt my
hard cock press between her legs with only her nightgown between us. 
Helen rolled onto her back pulling me on top of her and then lifted her
nightgown.

We looked into each other's eyes as I lowered myself.  I felt my cock
touch her mound and she spread her legs.  Still looking at each other I
lowered myself and saw her eyes widen as my cockhead touched her
opening.  She was flowing wet and we didn't move but I felt her open to
take my cockhead into her entrance.  Hypnotized by the depth of her eyes
I didn't feel me move but felt an almost gravitational pull pull me
inside her. The wetness of her was swallowing me up.  I felt the
tightness of her and now had to push to move further.  I continued to be
simultaneously swallowed by her eyes and her warm welcoming opening.  I
wanted to fall completely into both wells. Slowly slowly we moved
together - without urgency.  Neither of us breathing. Neither of us
speaking but our eyes shouting volumes!

I felt her depth and I was home.  Literally and figuratively.  "Oh God
Jim I love you." Helen said sweetly.  Her words broke the trance and I
felt her start to move.  It was excrutiatingly wonderful.  I had to move
with her, against her, deep deep deep inside her.  I couldn't get
enough, I couldn't move enough, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't ever
stop.  I was exploding but still sinking into her eyes.  I was shouting
her name and wanting to fill her with my love.  She was saying something
but I couldn't hear for all the noise.  Helen's eyes swallowed me whole
as they widened to suck me into her depths and my whole being was bliss.

I eventually heard Helen panting out "Oh my god Jim!  I have never felt
such an explosion in my life.  I can't ever ever let you out of my life
now!"  She started crying and then heavy sobbing again.  Her sobbing
forced my now flaccid cock out of her.  I held her and felt her pain
flow out of her.  I now understood how this was a healing process that
would take some time but was at a rate that probably felt violent to
Helen.  Christ it felt violent to me and I would never be able to
imagine the pain she had felt!

I had suffered an incredible pain today but I had also been reborn. 
Helen has suffered for years and it would take time to be reborn.  She's
still stuck in the birth canal being squeezed and choked by the pain.

Chapter 9

We went to the restaurant that night a new couple.  We couldn't keep our
eyes or hands off of each other.  When Helen and I first went to dinner
almost two weeks ago I had felt people must think it strange this couple
with the age difference.  Now, it didn't matter, but, also, it wasn't
noticeable.  Helen looked years younger than our first 'date'.  I doubt
if anyone even noticed that we were different ages.  I'm sure everyone
noticed us though.  We were the couple in love.  The couple from the
honeymoon suite.  The couple who giggled through dinner and who
obviously couldn't wait to get back to the honeymoon suite.

We enjoyed our meal.  Jane had made an excellent recommendation and we
had to thank her.  It was a quiet place that respected the needs of
young lovers.  We left arm in arm, forehead to forehead.   Helen leaned
over the console with her chin on my shoulder as I drove home.  Her
fingers playing gently with my chest and neck.  Occasionally, as if an
uncontrollable urge struck her she leaned over and kissed my cheek or
ear.  I've never been happier in my life.

We reached 'home' and laughed, giggled, tickled our way into the house.
We left a trail of clothes from the doorstep to our bed.  We made love
passionately but playfully.  We didn't dwell on technique or finesse but
wrestled our way to ectasy and fell off to a warm and loving sleep.

The next morning I woke to the most wonderful feeling.  I was groggy for
a bit but soon realized that the feeling was heavenly and had only
occurred once before in my life.  I was on my back and looked down and
saw Helen's head bobbing up and down as she expertly sucked my cock. I
groaned with pleasure.  "Good morning sleepy head." Helen said with a
laugh.  Oh please don't stop I thought to myself.  "Usually you are the
one getting up early and pestering me.  The one morning I WANT you to
wake up early you are sleeping away.  I just couldn't wait any longer. 
I hope you'll forgive me for waking you." she said teasingly.

"I'll only forgive you if you continue where you left off."

"Not so fast lover boy!" Helen moved up to kiss me.  "First you have
some important business to take care of."

What could she been talking about?  What could possibly be more
important than what she was doing?

Helen kneeled up in the bed - a divine thing of beauty - and put one leg
over me.  She looked into my eyes as she sat back and slow sucked me
into her. Oh yeah!  That IS more important I thought as I smiled.

It was the most exquisite feeling of waking up this way.  Helen was
completely impaled on my now impossibly rigid cock.  I stretched my arms
and legs out as I would normally when waking up and felt all the energy
zoom toward my prick and into Helen.  I think Helen sensed the energy
because she let out the most satisfied "Ahhhh".

"Oh Jim.  It isn't a dream.  It is real.  God please fill me up!" she
moaned as she started to lift herself up. Slowly at first but quickly
accelerating to ever increasing passion until she was forcefully driving
herself into me.  The amount of force as she brought her weight down on
to me was incredible and actually hurt my thighs as she bottomed out
against them.  I didn't care - I wanted her as hungrily and thrust back
with equal force.  Helen was now grunting with each impact but this only
increased her intensity until I felt her thrust down with one massive
thrust, her eyes rolled back into her head, and she let out the most
impassioned sound that wasn't a grunt, groan, moan, or scream but was
all of them rolled into one.  I was glad we had our own house but even
then was sure all of Monterey heard Helen's rapture.  She collapsed on
my chest panting.

I was not done with her however and, after a brief pause, started slowly
accelerating in and out of her.  She had her butt sticking straight
backwards so now my thrusts were forward and back rolling my hips rather
than up and down as before.  I loved this new feeling and felt the
tighening in my balls.  Helen stirred as I continued my thrusts and I
heard her say "Oh my God! Oh Jesus Christ!  Oh No this can't be. OH GOD
YES! OH FUCK ME JIM! OH YES! YES! GOD YES!" she screamed and I could
take it no longer as I exploded into her filling her up.  She whimpered
as she felt me come. "Oh baby, I love you so much." and she cried.

I held her close to me.  I wanted to suck the pain out of her and
replace it with happiness.  I fell asleep like this - holding her close
- still inside her.

Sometime later I woke up and must have groaned.  Helen was in her
bathrobe and came up to the bed and kissed me. "Good morning Darling. 
Let me know when you're ready for your bath." and kissed me again.

Bath?  I don't take baths.  I am the man of efficiency - I take showers. 
In, wash, rinse, out.  Short and sweet.  I don't take no fuckin' baths I
thought in a manly way.  The smell of her though...  Hmmm, bath, Helen,
hmmm, maybe that's not such a bad idea...

"Mmmmm, I could probably use a bath.  I guess I'm ready whenever the
bath is."  I stretched and felt so relaxed.  A bath would probably put
me back to sleep.  Of course Helen naked in a bath is another story.

"Ok, you wait right where you are and I'll let you know when it's
ready." Helen said sweetly.

I luxuriated in the peacefulness of the bed and the knowledge that
somewhere Helen was naked under a robe and was preparing a bath for us. 
What more could I ask for?

Sometime later Helen came to the bedside and carefully slipped onto the
bed and kissed my eyelids.  I wasn't asleep but had my eyes closed.  I
couldn't think of a more peaceful way to get my attention.  I opened my
eyes and saw a smiling vision of loveliness that I wanted to call my
own.  I put my arm around her and kissed her fully on the lips.  As I
released her I saw her eyes smile first and then all of her face as she
pulled away.  God I wanted to keep that smile forever.

"The bath is ready sweetheart."  She called me sweetheart!  My heart
leapt!  She reached out and took my hand and guided me to the bath.  I
was already naked so she just guided me into the warm bath.  The tub was
huge and had continuous running water from a shelf that was like a
waterfall.  Helen pulled the robe apart and let it fall to her feet. 
She climbed in with me and wouldn't let me touch her but was like a
geisha attending to every part of me softly and gently cleaning me. 
When she had finished she was in front of me and moved in front of my
face and kissed me.  She moved her hands to my side and lifted me up so,
eventually, I was sitting on the broad shelf at the edge of the tub. 
She kissed my chest and slowly worked her tongue around my nipples.  She
bit me and nuzzled me to where I was starting to breathe heavily and was
feeling pressure in my groin.  She worked her way slowly from my chest
across my abdomen zig zagging making sure every nerve was stimulated
with her tongue.  I was rock hard now and panting.  As she moved back
and forth her chin bumped into my rigid hyper-extended cock.  She passed
by my cock with her caresses and kissed the tops of my thighs and then
licked my balls.  I groaned and leaned back moving my cock forward
toward her.  She moved her tongue so slowly up my shaft I thought I was
going to come and shoot a mile into the air.  When she got to the top of
my cock she twirled her tongue around the tip licking the precum that
was forming at its tip.  I was panting now breathing between my teeth
with a miserable hissing sound as I gasped for air but didn't dare open
my mouth for fear of screaming my head off.

She swirled her tongue once more and moved over the top of my cock and
in one quick swallow had me all the way down her throat. "AHHHGH!" I
screamed with the feeling of her mouth, tongue, teeth, and throat taking
all of me into her.  She then lifted her head squeezing me tightly with
her mouth with this incredibly strong sucking feeling. Then - back down
- taking all of my cock again.  Over and over she continued this and I
felt both tortured and pampered beyond belief at the same time.  I was
screaming as she administered her most primal motions and actions to my
manhood.  I wanted to grab her head and thrust it downward on to my cock
but as I thought this she did it on her own!  Oh god. Oh shit. Oh fuck!
I'm going to explode. I should say something but Helen was increasing
her motion and I was speechless and incoherent as I released the most
inconceivable load of semen from my balls.  I thrusted so deep into her
I was sure I would cum in her belly as she took all of me and moaned as
she swallowed everything and sucked for more.  I had no more to give.  I
was drained but she continued.  She wasn't satisfied and wanted me to
fill her with more.  I had fallen backwards and was a limp rag leaning
against the bathtub wall.  I think the echoes of my screams reverberated
for eons afterward.  I felt Helen gently kissing my cock and then legs,
and belly, and chest, and neck, and face, and eyes, and lips.  I felt so
loved yet so incapable of responding.  I was drained.  I was wiped.  I
was the luckiest person in the world.  I opened my eyes and saw Helen. 
She had a concerned look.  I smiled at her and mouthed "I love you." and
Helen jumped against me banging my head against the wall and strangling
me with her arms and kissing me all over my face.

I passively accepted her kisses for a while as I regained my strength
and breath.  I finally was able to return her kisses and I put my arms
around her and pulled her to me and kissed her strongly.  I moved my
hands to under her armpits and lifted her and spun to switch places with
her.  Now it was my turn to push her back and slowly, ever so slowly,
kiss down her body toward that locus of womanhood.  I was kissing her
breasts and biting her nipples and then started moving lower when Helen
realized my destination.  She cried out "Oh God Jim.  I won't be able to
take that!  OH NO.  Please stop."

I ignored her pleas.  She became more strident as I got lower but she
opened her legs more.  Her voice said no but her body was saying OH GOD
YES DO THAT!

I moved past her mound and kissed the tops of her thighs and could feel
the uncontrolled twitching as I struck the right nerve endings.  Helen
was whimpering incoherently but slid forward trying to press her cunt
into my face.  I backed off in kind and started to lick the inside of
her thigh.  Helen was out of control now and moved her hands to my head
to try to pull me toward her.  Her scent was overpowering and making me
want to dive in with my entire body but I resisted.  I extended my
tongue and gently touched the crease between the inside of her thighs
and her labia.  She was so incredibly swollen and literally dripping.  
She tried sliding sideways to line up with my tongue but I moved with
her and used my hands on her thighs to hold her back.  I felt my thumbs
dig into her as I needed all the strength I had to hold her back.  I
moved my tongue up the crease and Helen cried "Oh Please Please Yes Yes
Do it! Do it! God Please! Jim! Don't tease me any more! Oh God!"  I
pulled my head back and heard Helen scream "NO!" and then stuck my
tongue out and touched her clit!

"AHHHHHRGGGH!" Helen used the strength of ten men and pulled my head
into her so my face jammed against her cunt.  I pulled back again and
flicked my tongue against her clit.  She was screaming non-stop and I
knew it was time to attack.  I drove my tongue deep into her cunt and
then licked up the slit to her clit.  I did this twice as her thighs
came crashing into the side of my head crushing me. I pulled back once
more and flicked a couple of times across her clit and then dove forward
and sucked her clit into my mouth.  I could barely hold on any more as
Helen moved her ass so violently that my chin kept getting smashed
against the tile of the tub.  I drove deep into her cunt again and
licked up one more time and she suddenly just stopped moving!  I thought
she had died! 

Her legs relaxed and her whole body slumped.  I jumped up and grabbed
her and could barely hear her breath and felt for a pulse. Thankfully
her pulse was raging!  She must have passed out.  I sat next to her and
pulled her close.  I thought I should keep her warm so I gently slid
both of us into the warm water and I held her next to me.  I felt such
love.  I laughed to myself when I tried to figure if I preferred her
passing out or crying after love making!  I guessed I didn't care as
long as we had the love making.

Helen stirred and startled a bit after feeling the water around her. 
When she realized I was holding her she snuggled closer and with a
satisfied "mmmm" closed her eyes and leaned against me.  We were like
this for quite a while when she finally stirred and sat up straight. 
She looked at me to read my eyes.  I am sure all she saw was my
limitless love for her.

"Jim."

"Yes sweetheart?"

"No one had ever done that for me.  It was so incredibly awesome.  Thank
you."

"So Helen?"

"What my love?"

"Does that mean you'll let me do it again sometime?" I said with a
smirk.

Helen attacked me.  She jumped up on top of me and drove me into the
bath water saying "OH GOD I LOVE YOU!"

Chapter 10

We finally extricated ourselves from our love nest by Monday noon to
have lunch with Helen's friend.  We also asked Jane to join us and the
four of us had a nice brunch at a local restaurant.  Going with the two
local proprietors brought us first class service and wine selections
that were not on the menu.  We had a wonderful visit and we left,
promising to visit again the next time we were in the area.

On the drive back to San Jose Helen leaned against me.  After a while
Helen chuckled.  I asked her what she was laughing at and she replied
"Oh something Roberta said to me."

"What was it?"

"Oh, she said we would be such a handsome couple when we're in our 80's
and have all our grandchildren around us."

"Hmmm, I like the sounds of that."

"Do you?  Do you really Jim?  I want to grow old with you.  I want to
have your babies.  Tell me how many you want me to make for you!"

I guess I had thought of our love in the abstract but babies!  That was
reality.  I looked at Helen and imagined me making her into a mother of
our children.  God!  That was better than her smile!

Helen misread my hesitation and said "Jim, I want to have your babies
even if you don't want to be tied to me.  I won't try to tie you down. 
I've never thought about being a mother until this weekend.  Now there
is nothing else I want more than for you to make us a million children. 
It would be so right for you to father my children but I won't be a
burden to you."

"Helen, I didn't respond because you're suggestion boggled my mind.  Not
because I didn't want it but because I want that more than anything in
the world and I can't believe you want this too."

Helen's eyes filled and I was afraid she would start crying again.  She
looked into my eyes for the longest time and then, slowly, a smile
formed on her face and she leaned over and said "Stop the car.  Let's
try to make some babies now!"

We eventually made it back to our hotel and had the really strange
sensation as we were now inseparable lovers going back to a place where
we were merely coworkers.  It seemed very odd.  That didn't last too
long though as Helen suggested that we would solve the dilemma of which
bed to sleep in by alternating every evening.  I roared with laughter at
the silliness of the suggestion and tickled her all the way into her
bedroom.  Of course that meant we would sleep in MY bedroom the
following night.

If Monday night was strange Tuesday morning was even stranger. Now we
were co-workers and we had a lot of work to do to test the new software
by the following Monday.  We agreed that we had to do this no matter
what and were able to put on our professional hats.  We showed up at
Genetech as our coordinators showed up from work.  They looked strangely
at Helen as if she had somehow changed between Friday and Tuesday.  We
began testing on three systems and with the successful completion on
each of those systems I was able to add the fourth system to the
testing.  I managed two and a half while Helen managed one and a half.

Normally testing was a process of setup - begin the test - wait, wait,
wait - look at the results.  Begin again.  That's what happens with one
system.  With four systems there was no wait time and barely any breathe
time as I would setup one, begin the test, setup two, begin the test,
setup three, begin the test, setup four, look at results of one, setup
one, begin the test, ...

Tuesday was just three systems but Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday we
had four systems running tests.  This was great productivity but by
Thursday evening I was completely exhausted.  Helen rubbed my back and
pretended not to be disappointed that we didn't make love.  On Friday
she wore her business suit which was a dress and I thought that odd but
figured she probably needed laundry.  About halfway through the morning
when I was completely wound up keeping three systems running with tests. 
Helen called over to me from her desk.  I looked over and asked her what
she wanted and she just smiled at me.  She shifted in her chair and it
took me a while but then I realized that she had crossed her legs in a
very unconventional way.  Her smile got broader and I saw her slowly
unfold her legs to recross in the opposite direction.  As she lifted one
leg she moved the upper leg away from the lower and spread her legs
wide. As a result I had an incredible view up her skirt, saw the
luscious curve of her thighs and moved my eyes upward expecting to see
her panties.  What I saw instead was her swollen cunt staring back at me
begging me to come nearer.  Oh my God!  That's why she wore the dress. 
She wanted to flash me.  A grin formed across my face as Helen completed
the motion and finished crossing her legs.  She smiled a bit more and
then put her head down and went back to work.

I looked back at my testing and realized it was silly to stress over
this when I have such a lovely sight sitting across from me.  All during
the day Helen would call my name and go through the same routine or I
would call Helen.  The first time she wondered what I wanted but then
when she saw my smile she smiled back and went through her routine.

We finally stopped testing around 9PM.  We were both exhausted and had
started making mistakes.  Our coordinators agreed to work on the weekend
so we could do the last set of applications.  As we drove back to our
hotel I said "I'm beat!"

Helen looked at me and said "Um Jim?  How beat are you?"

"I'm really beat!" was my answer.  She shifted her position in her seat
so that she was almost falling off the seat sideways and asked again
"Jim, How beat are you?"

I looked at her wondering why she was asking again and then noticed her
legs spread wide with my friend staring at me begging for me to play. 
"Umm, well, I'm not completely beat."

"That's good Jim because today got me so hot that I need you
desparately."  Helen shifted and leaned against me.  I thought to myself
- we need to get a car with a benchseat in the front!

Saturday we worked until about 3PM and had completely finished all the
testing.  All we needed to do was meet with the CIO on Monday and find
out our fate.

We decided to go out to the fancy restaurant one more time with me in my
suit and Helen in her slinky black dress.  As I helped Helen into the
Jeep I enjoyed the expanse of leg one more time and was about to close
the door when Helen said "Oh Jim?"

"Yes Helen?"

"You don't mind that I didn't wear any panties tonight do you?" OH
CHRIST!  Helen merely smiled and motioned for me to close the door.  I
stood there completely frozen thinking about the possibilities and how
my casual view of Helen's long legs as she got into the Jeep took on a
whole new meaning.  God she was an awful tease!

I got in the Jeep and tried to drive normally but my breath was short
and I kept looking over at Helen.  Helen finally said "You'd better be
careful.  You wouldn't want to have an accident and have the ambulance
driver discover I had no panties on do you?"

"Jesus Helen!" I groaned.  Helen smiled her devilish smile.

When I parked the Jeep I literally ran over to open the door for Helen. 
She smiled demurely and said "My, what a gentleman!".  She turned in her
seat so her knees were facing outward but she kept her knees tightly
together.  She slid in the seat toward me and I saw the dress ride up
her legs.  I was no longer breathing.  My eyes were fixed on the gap
between her dress and her two legs. It slid further and further until
there was barely any dress at all but she was now free of the seat and
she jumped down.  I saw the briefest flash and then she was completely
covered.  She took my arm and said sweetly "Why thank you for holding
the door for me darling." OH GOD!

All during dinner we alternated between engaging conversation and
touching until Helen would somehow remind me she had nothing on
underneath.  It was simple little annoying techniques like we'd be
talking and then Helen would shiver and say "I feel a draft!"  CHRIST
she was a torturer!  One time she had shifted sideways so her legs were
out from under the table and I saw her legs were crossed.  I couldn't
take my eyes off her legs but Helen pretended as if nothing out of the
usual was going on.  And then, OH GOD!, she would slowly recross her
legs.  Since her legs were angled away from me I couldn't see anything
but I kept looking around to see if anyone else could see.  I never saw
anyone but it was still torture.

When we left the restaurant Helen said "You were mighty quiet tonight
darling.  Was something bothering you?" and then she giggled. I openned
the Jeep door for her and she climbed in with an exaggerated motion that
would have exposed everything she had to anyone in front of the door but
I could not see anything other than this huge expanse of bare leg. She
settled into her seat pulling her legs together and said "Why thank you
darling.  You are such a perfect gentleman!"

I drove home and tried to have a conversation but I was totally consumed
by this thought of Helen in her wonderfully slinky dress WITH NO PANTIES
ON!

I pulled into the hotel parking lot and ran to her door.  I openned her
door and I could see she was going to pull the same routine as before. 
I was beside myself.  I grabbed her thighs and literally dove face first
into her thighs.  I thought I would have to force her legs open but she
spread her legs impossibly wide and literally drove her cunt into my
face.  She was dripping wet.  I drove my tongue into her cunt and
started lapping up her juices.  I didn't give a shit if there was anyone
in the parking lot. I wanted her cunt and I wanted it desparately.  I
drove my hands under her ass and lifted her up into my face.  I wanted
to consume her.  I now understood where the term 'eat her out' comes
from.  I wanted to eat her up.  I was relentless. I could not get enough
as I lapped wildly alternating between her cunt and her clit.  I could
hear Helen's screams resounding inside the Jeep.  I didn't know if they
were screams of trying to get free or screams of pleasure.  All I knew
was that she was my woman and I wanted all of her.  I felt Helen crush
my head with her thighs and she flopped around like a beached fish.  Her
screaming stopped but I felt her twitch with each lap as I continued to
eat her.  She finally had to push me away saying "Jim - stop.  I can't
take any more!"

I set her ass down and with a sopping face looked up at her.  She leaned
forward, grabbed my face, and planted a deep french kiss into me.  "Oh
Jim, don't ever stop loving me!"  I kissed her back and said "Don't ever
stop teasing me you wench!" and I slapped her on the butt. "Oooh.  I
like the idea of being your wench!" she said lustily.  She slipped
forward and this time let her dress ride up all the way with her legs
spread wide.

The next day we just lazed around the hotel.  We bought some swim suits
and hung out at the pool alternating between the pool and the hot tub. 
We were in the hot tub, nobody else was in the tub but there were plenty
of people around, when I felt Helen's hand reach into my shorts. The
moving water from the jets prevented anyone from seeing what Helen was
doing and she just looked around nonchalantly while she pulled down my
shorts and then placed her hand on my cock.  I was not quite fully erect
and she gently shifted her fingers to rub my balls and my cock with her
nails.  Jesus she was a temptress!  I was fully erect now and wanting
completion of this exercise.  I tried to move my butt toward her hand so
I would force my cock into her hand but she moved her hand away.  A bit
later she moved her nails back against me and I would try to move closer
again only to lose her touch again.  I realized that I would lose her
touch altogether if I moved at all so I had to let her go at her own
pace if I wanted any touch at all.  I was sweating (not from the heat of
the tub) and finding it hard to breathe.  She moved back to my cock and
I desparately tried not to move.  I was rewarded with an occasional grab
with her fist wrapped tightly around my shaft.  I tried to thrust into
her hand only to find her move away completely again.  I was dying!  I
started whimpering - literally! "please Helen - don't stop any more. 
Grab me, oh god please.  I'll do anything.  Please don't stop."

Helen just smiled and moved her hand back again.  Once more she grabbed
me and once more I tried to thrust.  Once more she moved her hand away. 
I was ready to explode.  I was ready to jerk myself off.  I moved my
hand forward and Helen sensed my intention and she looked into my eye
and whispered "Don't you do that Jim.  You are mine!" She grabbed my
cock hard and said "THIS is mine! I want this!"

I groaned and could only close my eyes hoping, praying for her to
continue.  She started stroking then.  "AHHH" but stopped.  "I didn't
move I promise!" I pleaded but then she grabbed my balls - tightly.  I
sucked in my breath!  She flicked her thumb on my shaft and then moved
her whole hand upward again and stroked again.  This time she held my
cock tightly and stroked the full length and I felt the explosion
coming.  God I wanted to move my hips but I didn't dare.  God I wanted
to fuck her hand but I really would die if she stopped again.  More
strokes and then Helen leaned over and whispered in my ear "Cum for me
my love!"  That was it!  I exploded with a fury that was all the more
intensified because I had to keep it internal with all the people
around.  Spurt after spurt jetted forth.  The first one actually shot
out of the water only to fall back in.  What this woman could do to me! 
What I wanted to do to her!  She milked me completely empty and with the
most angelic smile said to me "Don't you think this tub is nice?"  She
laughed the most devilish laugh, splashed me and jumped out and dove
into the pool.  I had to pull my shorts back on before I could chase
after her.

When I caught up with her she hugged me, kissed me, and then whispered
in my ear "You're turn!" We were in about four and a half feet of water
so we could stand comfortably.  She turned her back to me and leaned
into me.  I put my left arm around her across her breasts.  "Mmmmm." she
purred.  I slid my right hand down to her belly and slowly rubbed and
moved sideways to her hip.  I would have loved it if she had wore a
bikini but she had a one piece suit.  The legs were cut high so as my
hand reached her hip I found the leg band.  I slipped my hand down the
side of her leg just to feel her soft silkiness again.  I moved back to
the top of her leg and slowly followed her leg band downward.  Helen
purred again and tried to shift sideways so my hand would move toward
her mound.  I had a strong hold of her from above and I kept her from
moving.  I remembered how cruel she had been to me so, despite my desire
to grab her, I moved my hand away.  "Naughty girl." I admonished.  I
quickly grabbed her cunt and said "This is MINE!" 

"OH GOD!" she whimpered as I withdrew my hand.  I nibbled on her ear but
kept my hand away.  Helen started pushing her butt against my cock -
which was surprisingly hard again.  I whispered "Stop that Helen.  You
be a good girl or Jimmy won't play with you."

Helen pulled away and whimpered "Oh please Jimmy!  I'll be good. I
promise!  I won't do anything wrong.  Just please please touch me
again."

"That's a good girl. I want you to spread your legs as wide as you can."

"Oh god yes Jimmy."  I felt her shift lower as she spread her legs.  I
moved my hand back to her hip and said "If you move at all I will stop
completely."

"Oh God! Jimmy, I don't know if I can do that.  Please don't make it
impossible."

"You know what I want.  If you move at all - even a fraction, I will
stop."

"Mmm, baby you're so cruel to me. God give me a chance. I'll be as good
as I can.  Jimmy I love you!  Please don't be cruel."

"It won't work Helen.  You've got to promise or I stop right now." she
was tearing at my heart but I knew what I had to do.

"OK OK.  I promise!  I won't move at all.  Just please touch ME!"  she
begged. Helen was panting now.  She was perfectly rigid.

"That's a good girl.  You know I love to touch my little girl." 

"oh no Jimmy, you're killing me.  Please touch me." Helen was really
straining to control herself and I could sense the strain in her hip.

I moved my finger ever so gently so I was barely touching her and moved
it very slowly down her leg line. I could feel her abdomen curve into
her leg.  I moved slowly downward and Helen continued her whimpering and
sounded like she wanted to sob but didn't dare.  I started to feel the
swelling curve of her mound and heard Helen hold her breath.  I moved my
hand back up to her hip and Helen cried "GOD NO Jimmy.  I'm being good! 
Please go back - please don't stop.  Anything, I'll do anything.  I'm
being good!" tears were forming in her eyes but I held a bit longer and
then went down the line again at the same slow pace as before.

As I came back to the swelling Helen didn't make a sound.  She didn't
move.  She didn't breathe.  She didn't even suck in to hold her breath
for fear of me backing off.  I paused and then resumed my downward
motion feeling the convergence of the inside curve of her leg and the
meeting curve of her swollen cunt.  I stayed close to her leg and
Helen's eyes were now in a trance focused on one spot in the pool.  She
didn't even dare move her eyes!  I held my finger there for five seconds
but it felt like an eternity.  I could feel Helen's pulse exploding in
her neck with my cheek.  Instantly I flicked my finger over and touched
her clit through her swin suit.  Helen cried out as she came and crushed
her cunt against my hand!  "NO!" she screamed out not wanting me to
punish her for moving but not being able to prevent it any longer and
she moved both of her hands over mine to hold me against her and she
rubbed her cunt against me.  She pulled me so tight against her I
thought I was going to have bruises on my hand and felt my fingers flex
backwards from the pressure.  Her scream resonated around the pool and I
was sure everyone was looking at us as Helen finished herself against
me.  I didn't care about the others.  Helen was my focus.  I loved her
so much that only that depth of love could have let me be that cruel to
her.  For I learned from her that the denial reminded us of our desire
for each other.  I kissed her neck hungrily as her head dipped toward
the water - she had no strength and was completely limp in my arms.  I
grabbed her side and turned her around to face me.  She could barely
lift her head but she did and looked so deep into my eyes and mouthed
"Thank you".  I kissed her fully on her lips and she just passively
accepted my love.

Our love making that evening was profoundly simple and gentle.  We made
love mostly with our eyes barely moving the rest of our bodies but this
somehow amplified every sensation.  We didn't even succumb to the
temptation of moving quickly as we approached orgasm.  We just let it
flow from us never losing contact with each other's eyes.  I never
imagined this kind of love making but this could only happen if the love
is the focus.

As I held Helen that night I said "Helen, I know this is a very
irresponsible question at this point but do you take birth control
pills?"

Helen rolled over a looked into my eyes and said "No Jim.  I may be able
to get pregnant but that would make me the happiest woman in the world. 
I told you before that you shouldn't feel obligated to me but I want you
to father my children.  I will make love with you until that happens and
for as long as I can afterward.  Do you understand that I am not trying
to trap you."

"Helen - your eyes are my snare.  I could never leave you as long as you
look at me that way with your eyes."

Her eyes started to fill with tears.  I continued "I never thought about
having children before but when you say 'our children' my heart aches
for that!"  Helen broke down completely then and I pulled her close.  We
slept the night holding each other.

Epilog

On Monday we met with the CIO to find our fate.  The CIO wanted to speak
alone with Helen.  They were together for about 90 minutes and when the
meeting broke up Helen came out with a poker face on.  The CIO bid me a
good day and went back to his office.

"Well?  What happened?"  I asked impatiently.

Helen said she would discuss it in the car.

As we got in the car I repeated the question and Helen looked at me and
said "Well, we don't work for the company any more."

"Oh christ!  Why?  We did everything they asked." My heart sunk.  What
did this mean for Helen and me?

"Yeah, we did things a little too well." Helen said nonchalantly.

"What do you mean?  'Too well'?"  I was confused.

"Fred realized it was the two of us who saved the day and did everything
to save the company so he changed the rules.  He called Charles and said
he was buying us out.  He would continue the contract if and only if you
and I worked for Genetech!  That idiot Williamson was so happy that he
wasn't going to go under and was so pissed at me anyway that he
immediately agreed.  I don't think he even understands what he's giving
up."

"What!  What would we do?  The remaining work doesn't exactly sound like
career material!"  I was even more confused.

"No, you're right.  Fred said he was retiring in two years and he wanted
to groom me to be his replacement." Helen continued her nonchalance.

"Wow Helen that's great!  You'll be wonderful at that!"  I reached over
and hugged her.

"Don't you want to know what you're going to do?"

"Well, I assumed that I would work under you.  Come to think of it -
being 'under' you sounds mighty damn nice!"  I said with a chuckle.

"You're a dirty boy Jimmy.  I'm going to have to take care of you later
for that comment." Helen said with a devilish smile.  "No, that's not
going to work because they have a policy about people reporting to their
relatives."

"Relatives?  We're not related." I looked at her.  Realization dawned on
me just as Helen replied "Yet!"

"Oh God I love you Helen!" and I hugged her and kissed her more.

"Besides - that would be a crappy job for you Jim.  That's what took so
long in our discussion.  Everything else was over quickly.  Fred kept
coming up with proposals for assignments for you but I kept rejecting
them - I hope you don't mind but I took the liberty to find you an
appropriate job."

"What is it?  Stud to the CIO?" I suggested lustily.

"No, you are now the head of their Genome Research organization." Helen
said with a smile.

"Genome Research?  But I don't know anything about Genome Research."  to
which Helen giggled "YET!"

It struck me then that Helen had such confidence in my ability that she
maneuvered a multi-billion dollar company into betting the farm on me. 
God I loved this woman!  I thought about this new job and heard tumblers
falling.  God the kind of massive processing we would have to do to
complete the research.  It was a computer programmer's dream! 

Helen smiled as she saw the wheels turning and said "They've been trying
to get biologists to solve the problem when someone who understands
computer technology would have a much better understanding how to attack
the problem.  With your brain's ability to simultaneously see all the
alternatives I couldn't think of anyone better to work in this area."

God!  The possibilities!

"Well, don't get carried away yet - young man! We have some house
hunting to do.  I asked for a two week vacation to unwind and it starts
immediately. So let's grab our toothbrushes - I don't think we'll need
our clothes... and head on back to our 'love shack'."