Farewell (M/F rom) ...I look at her face through the window of the limo. She is happy, smiling and completely unaware of me. In a few moments she will be gone. Gone from my life. We had lived next door to each other since we were children. I vaguely remember moving in and greeting our new neighbours. Lara was a girl! That was my first disappointed reaction and when we were shooed off to play together, it soon became apparent to me that she was a pretty obnoxious member of the species! I don't know if I pulled her hair first or if she pulled mine. It doesn't matter now, of course. Either way much to the embarrassment of both sets of parents, we ended up trying to murder each other in front of their cosy little picnic. There is nothing quite so fierce, nor so transient, as the hatred of children. Both mothers got up in shocked embarrassment at the behaviour of their offspring, and roughly pulled us apart. They then started apologising to each other and saying stupid things like "he's not normally like this!" It clearly embarrassed everyone though, and I kept getting "wait 'til I get you home" looks from my mother. I distinctly remember my father breaking the ice by saying "They behave like a married couple, don't they!" I could have killed him! ...She turns her head to look at the man sitting beside her. Her eyes so full of love and adoration for him. I look away... A box hedge separates our adjoining gardens. It's too thick to see through at all now, and although it protects our privacy it is also a social barrier between us and our neighbours. We hardly ever go round for picnics and barbecues now. When my father planted the hedge, things were different. My parents would pass the time of day with her parents, chatting happily over the then tiny bushes. Lara and I had passed into adolescence and I was beginning to appreciate her sexual attributes and, I believe, she mine. Still at the tender age of 16 "too much water had passed under the bridge"! I knew her faults and she knew mine far too well for us ever to be friends, let alone lovers. If I had wanted to have sex with her, I would have resented giving her the pleasure! Once for a few moments, it was different. There is a hot wind which comes from the Sahara desert, bringing mysterious Arabian perfumes and desires to the south of France, Switzerland and even Germany. It causes people to - change - just while it lasts. It brings love where there was hate, passion where there was coldness, need where there was plenty. In honesty, this wind ( they call it Scirrocco, Zephyr, Foehn I'm not sure which) rarely if ever passes as far north as we are, and it probably never did that summer, but whatever it was, its effects were profound. All I remember was the hot sultry air being moved by a breeze which did nothing to cool either the temperature or my mood. I was alone in the garden looking across the immature shrubs at her - alone in hers and looking across at me. I will always remember every detail of her; the white sundress with its tiny blue flowers, her surly unfamiliar expression, the sheen of sweat on her brow. She was sat astride the childs swing in her garden pushing it lazily to and fro'. Her sulky eyes never left me. As if guided by an unseen force I walked to the gate connecting the gardens, and went through it. I could hear the wind rising, whistling through the anxiously across the rooftops. All the time her eyes burned into mine. Only when I stood inches from her and she was looking up at me, did she stop moving the swing. Her mean thin lips slightly parted, as her sharp blue eyes gazed up at me without expression. Her face said nothing, yet it told me everything. I opened my mouth to speak but no words came out. This was the first time we had kissed each other - ever! Only minutes earlier the thought of giving her even the tiniest peck would have sickened me, yet here were locked together, our tongues teasing each other, pushing and probing. She was on her feet now. I was dimly aware of the swing rattling randomly in the background and the wind now shrieking through the treetops as her body pressed into mine. My hands ran up and down her back, feeling the sticky hardness of her shoulders, her ribcage and down to the softness of her buttocks. We separated momentarily, her young quivering breasts now somehow free of the dress top. Her eyes smouldered now, almost it seemed, with real fire, threatening to ignite and burn us both! I remember her hard nipples and the warm crisp hair between her legs. I remember the unfamiliar animal moans that came from our lips. I remember the smell of electricity in the air. I remember guiding myself between her thighs. There was no thought, no logic, no sense. We were both helpless at the bidding of the elements. Anyone could have been watching - I could have made her pregnant and ruined both our lives - our parents could have returned at any moment... I remember the warmth inside her and I remember her cries. Nothing else mattered. Afterwards it was almost as if nothing had happened. Rain that evening, seemed to wash away even the memory so that it became little more than a dream. She was still a little bitch in my eyes, but sometimes when I looked at her and the light was just so.... ...She puts her arms around him and kisses him, closing her eyes, lost, it seemed to everything but her own love... That was the first and only time. There was, however, one occasion almost too painful to remember. It happened a year or so later. My mother sent me next door on some errand. Lara was alone in the house. As usual, she started sniping (or maybe I started sniping - I don't know). She stalked off down her hallway, swinging her hips arrogantly, and leaving me to follow - I had to complete my errand. Suddenly I wanted a piece of her! I'd had it before, and I didn't see why I shouldn't have it again. Besides which I didn't need what she was putting me through and felt entitled to some recompense. I seized her shoulder and swung her back against the wall, glaring at her and breathing hard. I made to kiss her, but she pushed me away. Suddenly, without thought, I seized the front of her blouse and pulled. Buttons flew - material tore as her breasts jerked free. She gasped and covered them with her arms. Then, slowly and deliberately she removed her arms. She glared at me accusingly, as I stared helplessly at her breasts. I reached out and took each nipple between finger and thumb, then watching her face I began to manipulate them. As I twisted and squeezed them I gauged her sensations - pleasure, pain - her mouth opened, but she kept her eyes fixed on mine. I worked them harder and harder, pushing her to the limit of endurance.... and beyond. Suddenly she slapped my hand away and collapsed to the floor whimpering and holding her breasts. I stood over her awkwardly, feeling stupid. I reached down and touched her cheek. She immediately recoiled. "Go awaaaay!" she sobbed. I withdrew my hand uncertain now. I had gone too far and didn't know how to get back. After waht seemed far too long, I did the only thing I could and left. ...He says something to her and she laughs easily, flashing bright teeth... As the hedge grew so did we. The cruel honesty of childhood was replaced by the pleasant deceptions of adulthood. We even appeared to enjoy each others company, laughing at shared jokes, and discussing issues of the day, but we never touched each other again, despite the fact that as she became a woman, she learned the art of making herself truly beautiful. She dated, as did I. At first the boys came and went, but one came and didn't go. To me he seemed a gawky specimen, and I could not understand what she saw in him. I hated him, and anyone knowing this would have said I was jealous, but it really wasn't that. I knew too much about her. As children our true characters are formed and as adults we only learn to conceal them. I had an inside track on her that prevented all prospect of any life partnership. I was sure, therefore, that I hated him for himself, it was nothing to do with her. Today they got married. Today as I saw her in her wedding dress my heart seemed to ache with a deep unfathomable pain. The certainty in my mind that any relationship between us was doomed, was all but blown to the four winds. I might even have shot him dead and taken her away with me! As it was, I had to hold on to my own future. True, as we had grown, I had seen her in calmer moments her blue eyes lost in faraway thought, and it had brought a lump of regret to my throat. On her wedding day, though, every woman becomes an unattainable Goddess - just for that day - and the power she wields over the unseen hearts of the people around her is awesome! We have been invited to the reception, of course, and now she has changed into her travelling outfit and is waiting to start her new life with her new husband. As the engine guns into life and the car accelerates away I know I will never see her again. I watch the retreating vehicle through misty eyes. "You'll miss her won't you!" My fiancee holds my hand in hers, then hugs me. No childhood baggage here. We have only a future - no past.