Sex Guide to the Universe
--- ----- -- --- --------


  Michael Slunk blood boiled.  His face was redder than
a corvette carrying two hot blondes down the I-10.  If
Michael Slunk was a cartoon character steam would come
out of his ears and an egg would fry on top of his head
  The object of his wrath stood in front of him trying
to explain.
  "Now, Mr. Slunk," the object who was the construction
foreman said,  "I'm just doing my job and that's to
tear down your house.  Progress, you know"
  "And just what's going to replace my house.  I can't
live in a shoe store!" yelled Michael.  He looked down
from the front step of his modest two bedroom house at
the man.
  "There are many apartments available on South side.
We have to make way for a new Warehouse Porn Club
store," the object said.
  "What!?!  Another chain porn shop!" raged Michael.
"They have fifteen stores in San Antonio already."
  "Calm down, Mr. Slunk,"  The foreman knew he should
have taken a longer break.  "This is a Warehouse Porn
Club store.  The other stores are all Porn Warehouse
Club stores"
  The foreman enunciated the store name slowly.
"Competition, you know."
  "What!?!" screamed Michael, unsatisfied with the
answer.  "Did you know there's an elementary school
just around the corner? Did you know that!"
  "When the children grow up," the foreman started to
explain, "and they have a need for porn.  They'll
already have one in the neighborhood.  It will keep
the economy going in this part of the city. City
planning, you know."
  And with that the foreman turned and walked away.
He'd need two or three lunch breaks to make it through
the day today.
  Michael tried to say something else before he was out
of earshot, but he just stammered.  He was in a daze.
It was if his mind was severely stunned by seeing
Rosie O'Donnell in a bikini.  You just don't recover
quickly.

  "Hello, Michael," a new voice said.
  Michael turned to the voice.  His frustration rose
even higher.
  It was Forny Perfect.
  Michael first met Forny in a local bar about three
years ago.  She was a small redheaded woman, yet she
could drink any guy in the bar under the table.  She'd
compete with 4 or 5 guys one after the other, but she
always seemed totally unfazed by alcohol.
  Forny had somehow attached herself to Michael that
evening and he couldn't completely get rid of her.
Forny was attractive and all, but she was lawyer.
Worst of all, she was a personal injury lawyer.  Michael
always thought she should lie and say she was a
prostitute, club dancer, or newspaper journalist.  All
those occupations would be slightly more respectful.
  It wasn't that Michael disliked Forny, it was just
that there was always something slightly odd about her.
He could never quite put his finger on it.  Maybe it
was the way she stood a little too close to him when
he talked to her or that her breasts seemed a different
size and shape everytime he saw her.  Maybe it was that
she was always asking about his sex life.  Most likely
it was her uncanny knack for showing up at inconvenient
times. Like now.
  "Michael," said Forny, "Can you come with me?  We
need to talk."
  "Well, I'm kind of busy right now.  They want to
destroy my house," explained Michael  "Can we talk
later?  I'll call you."
  Forny sighed.  She was distressed.  She didn't want
to have to spend the time convincing Michael of her
need.
  "It's really, really important," said Forny.  She
flashed her teeth in a big smile.
  That was another thing that bothered Michael about
Forny.  Why was it that when she smiled her BIG smile,
he felt like he saw her cleavage?  Even when she was
wearing a heavy raincoat.  Forny rarely wore anything 
that actually revealed anything.
  "But my house," Michael protested, weakly.
  "Oh, don't worry Michael.  You worry too much.  After
all they're going to destroy a lot more than your
house," answered Forny, confidently.
  "What!?!" said Michael suddenly alarmed again.
  "Michael.  Come!"  Forny waggled her index finger at
him.  She turned and started to walk away.
  Michael, not sure what to do next, decided to follow
her since it was at least *something* to do.
  Forny turned her head and was pleased to see Michael
following her.  She waited for him to catch up.
  "What do you mean they're going to destroy a lot more,"
Michel asked, as they walked away.
  "It's all going," Forny replied.
  "The block?" asked Michael.
  "Yep," Forny replied.
  "The gas station?"
  "Yep."
  "The elementary school?"
  "Yep"
  "That asshole!" exclaimed Michael.
  "What?" asked Forny.
  "He lied to me.  He told me a Warehouse Porn Club
store is going to help the economy with an elementary
school nearby.  But they're going to destroy the
school."
  Forny liked Michael, but one of the frequent problems
she had with him is she often had no idea what he was
talking about and she suspected he didn't either.  This
was one of those times.
  They were a couple of blocks away from his house now.
  "This way," Forny said, turning right into an alley.
  The alley looked a bit unsavory to Michael.
  "Why are we going this way?  Where are we going?"
Michael asked curiously.

  'Curious' was not a word Michael would use if he
realized Forny Perfect was not a personal injury
lawyer, but actually a journalist for the
universe-renowned 'Sex Guide to the Universe'.  The
Sex Guide was a smaller version of the top selling
'Guide to the Universe'.  However since most of the
beings in the universe where having sex or thinking
about sex, the Sex Guide was only 5 MB smaller than
the full Guide.  The Sex Guide also cost a little
more.  The publishers discovered that people were
willing to pay extra to eliminate the occasional
non-sex references.

  Forny went behind some crates and boxes.  She
started to lay out a blanket on the ground.
  "Where did you get that blanket?" Michael asked.
  "I was carrying it, " Forny replied calmly, as
she straightened the blanket out.
  "No, you weren't!" insisted Michael
  "Yes, I was," replied Forny with composure.
  Forny start to pull up her shirt.
  Michael saw her exposed belly.
  "What are you doing?" Michael asked, as she kept
raising her shirt up.  Panic was in his voice.
  "You need to get undressed, Michael," Forny said,
evenly.
  "Uh...why?" Michael asked.
  "The world is coming to an end," Forny said.
  "Is it?" said Michael
  "Yes," replied Forny
  "And it's better to be naked when that happens?"
  "Yes.  Get undressed.  I'll explain in a few minutes."
  Michael didn't trust her, but he started to undress
anyway.
  He was amazed to see fantastic fiery red pubic hair
on Forny.  He always thought she colored her hair.
  Michael stood in his underwear.  Forny was completely
naked.
  "Everything off, Michael.  And lay down on the
blanket," Forny said.
  "So this is it?  We're going to have sex?" asked
Michael."
  "Michael," said Forny, exasperated.  "Now! Please?"
She motioned for him to pull his briefs down.
  "So, are we?" he asked again, as he started to pull
down his briefs.
  "Michael!" Forny said.  Time was short.
  "Well, are we?" he continued to ask, as he laid down.
"It's just I've never been naked in an alley before."
  "Yes, Michael.  We are," Forny finally replied.
  Michael had never viewed Forny in a sexual way.  She
was just this friend who always gave him a headache
when she showed up.
  Forny lowered herself on top of Michael in the "69"
position.
  "Lick my pussy, Michael," Forny instructed.
  Michael started to tentatively lick his tongue out
onto her pussy.
  "I thought you said something about an explanation of
why we're doing this now?" Michael said.
  "Lick harder," Forny said.  She ground her pussy into
his face.  "An orgasm makes the teleport and the hyper
jump less disorienting."
  "Ah,"  Michael said, as if he understood.  He licked
Forny's pussy deeper and harder.  "The hyper jump..."
  "Yes, Michael," Forny cried out "You're doing it,
you're doing it.  Oh, Great Hump of Wednesday, I'm
going to come!"
  Forny's body shook powerfully on top of  Michael.  He
was surprised she came so fast.  Suddenly, his head
swam.  It felt like Forny had swallowed his entire dick
and balls into her mouth.  Deep in his brain, Michael
felt himself come intensely without actually
ejaculating.

  Forny opened her eyes.  It was dark.  Sleeping 
Michael's gentle breathing tickled her pussy.  She rolled
off of him without waking him up.
  There were sounds in the distance of beings moaning.
They were preparing for the hyper jump Forny knew.  In a
few minutes, Forny heard a cacophony of orgasms and she
felt the spaceship move into hyperspace.  Forny had
escaped Earth, but she still felt far from safe.  



  Forny Perfect awoke.
  She had dozed off during the hyper jump.  Michael Slunk
was beside her.  He was still asleep.
  Forny could hear the sound of footsteps and talking in
the distance.
  Forny rolled over Michael and off the bunk and stood up.
  She shook Michael gently.
  "Wake up.  Wake up," Forny said quietly.
  "Huh..." said Michael sleepily.  "What!" he said,
startled to see Forny.  He rose up abruptly.
"Owwwww!" he cried when his head hit the bunk above him.
  "Shhhhhh!" Forny said insistently, as he collapsed back
down on the bunk and held his head.  He now had a rather
nice contusion.
  Michael's brain started to work at this moment. Perhaps
it was the rush of blood to his forehead from hitting it
on the metal bar under the bunk.  He knew something was
wrong.
  Michael sat up and put his feet on the floor.  This
was not a sunshine day in the middle of an alley where
he and Forny just powerfully 69'd each other.  This was a
dimly lit room.  The walls where metallic and curved
cylindrically.  There were rows and rows of 3-high
sleeping bunks that reminded him of a military barracks.
  Forny was good at explaining away a lot of the weird
things he experienced when he was around her, such as when
she pulled that live cat out of his garbage disposal.  She
had said the disposal looked like a mouth that needed to
eat pussy and she thought cats were surrogate vaginas
that were created by people.  She then said she was from
Kentucky.  That was more plausible.  He was especially
interested to see how she would explain this.
  "We're not in the alley, are we?" Michael asked, afraid
of what he might hear.
  Forny was amazed at how often humans would rather talk
about the weather or state the very, very obvious or
worse yet, watch CNN, rather than talk about sex.
  "No, Michael,"  Forny replied.
  Unfortunately, that was the answer Michael was afraid
of.  Now, he would be compelled to get a rational
explanation.  That could be next to impossible with
Forny.
  Michael was about to ask the reasonable question of
'where are we?' when he saw the pictures on the walls.
They were all pictures of erect dicks.
  "Forny, be honest with me," Michael said, as his
little brain tried to put the pieces together.
  "Have I been asleep and they've built a Warehouse Porn
Club store where my house was and that's where I live
now?" Michael asked.  "And where's my stuff?"
  "No, Michael.  We're on a spaceship," Forny responded.
  A spaceship was not an answer Michael's brain had
authorized him to consider.  He liked his implausible
answer much better.
  "I'm sorry.  I didn't get that," said Michael "It
sounded like you said 'spaceship'.
  "I did,"  replied Forny.
  His brain still didn't quite get it, but it bludgeoned
on.
  "And just what are we doing on this spaceship?" said
Michael.
  "Hiding from the Vulvans," Forny replied.
   Michael didn't know if he was to think of a woman's
anatomy or a pointed-ear Star Trek character.
  "And why are we hiding from the Vulvans?" Michael
continued.
  "This is their ship and they don't like people
sneaking on to it."
  The answers were coming to him maddeningly slow.  Forny
seemed extra opaque in his current experience with her.
  "And why are we on their ship if they don't want us?"
Michael forged ahead.
  Forny knew she'd have to tell him, though something in
her wanted him to just catch on as they went along.
  "I saved our lives," Forny replied.
  Again this was not the answer Michael thought he would
hear.  He didn't know what the right answer was but he'd
know it when he heard it.
  Michael thought Forny seemed a bit smug in her response.
  "Saved from what?" Michael asked.
  "Death," she replied.
  Oh, that seemed like a good thing thought Michael.
  Suddenly, Michael felt tired.  Talking to Forny made
him tired.
  "Can I go home now?" Michael asked.
  "No," she shook her head sadly, "It's been destroyed."
  "What!  They destroyed my house?  Those assholes.  I'm
going to sue the city planning office!" Michael said.
  "That's been destroyed too," Forny said.
  "What?" said Michael, a little surprised.  "I'll sue
the Warehouse Porn Club then," Michael said.
  "They're all destroyed," Forny responded.
  "Huh?" said Michael, as his mind screeched to another
halt and had to shift into another gear.  He'd need an
oil change soon.
  "What do you mean?" Michael asked, wondering.
  "The Earth has been destroyed," said Forny, forlornly.
  "By who?  Or what?" Michael asked, as if the answer
really mattered.
  "The Vulvans," Forny answered
  "The Vulvans!" Michael said, raising his voice.
  "Shhh!" Forny said.  "We don't want to be discovered.
They destroyed the Earth so they can build a Sex Planet
Warehouse."
  "They destroyed the Earth to build a porn shop?" said
Michael, incredulously.
  "Well, there wasn't one out in this part of the
universe," said Forny, factually.
  Michael's brain blew a gasket.  He needed a major
engine overhaul now.
  "So that's why they have all the phallic pictures on
the walls," asked Michael.
  "Those are..." Forny stopped.  "Here this will
explain."
  Forny pulled a metallic cylindrical object out of
her pussy.  It started to immediately fold open.  In a
few seconds the Sex Guide said, "Sex Guide ready.
  "Michael, I'm not really a personal injury lawyer,"
Forny confessed.
  "Oh, good," Michael said, obviously relieved to know
she had a different profession.  "What do you do?"
  "I'm a reporter for the Sex Guide to the Universe."
said Forny.  "Here, you can look up the Vulvans in the
Guide."
  Forny handed the Sex Guide to him.
  Michael looked at it incredulously.  It was oddly
dry.
Forny's pussy juices were not on it.
  Michael took it.
  On the cover in large red sensuous letters in a very
erotic font were the words "FUCK ME".
  "Vulvans," Michael said quietly.
  "Vulvans," the Sex Guide spoke to Michael's surprise.
"The Vulvans are beings from the planet Vulva.  The
Vulvans are a strange sexual race.  The female Vulvan
pussy is unusually large while the male Vulvan dick is
only 1 inch long when erect.  This situation provided
great sexual dissatisfaction for the females which led
to strife between the sexes.  The females eradicated
all the males except for 200 who were forced to live in
a penis colony to keep the race alive.  Eventually
cloning technology eliminated the need for males and
the penis colony was destroyed along with all the
Vulvan males.  To commemorate the elimination of all
males, the Vulvans make all their ships in the shape of
a dick."
  "Sexual encounters with Vulvans:" the Sex Guide
continued.  "Avoid.  Vulvans are grumpy and appear to
be on constant PMS.  Vulvans are considered to have
the stenchiest pussy of all races.  Do NOT eat a
Vulvan pussy.  Sex Guide off."
  "That's why we're hiding," said Forny.
  "And you write these articles?" asked Michael.
  "Yes," replied Forny.  "I was working on updating the
Earth's, but I got stuck.  I couldn't find a ride off
the planet."
  "Is there an entry on Earth?" asked Michael,
excitedly.
  "Well...yes," said Forny, hesitantly.
  "Sex Guide on," said Michael, energetically.
  "Sex Guide ready."
  "Earth," said Michael with anticipation.
  "Earth, said the Sex Guide.  "Earthlings:  Entirely
frigid.  Sex Guide off."
  "That's it!" said Michael.
  "Don't raise your voice," Forny cautioned.
  "I've sent an update," Forny timidly offered.
  "What does it say?" asked Michael, trying not to
sound too hopeful.
  "Almost, but not quite, entirely frigid," Forny said,
uncomfortably.
  Michael was about to respond in outrage, but his
nostrils were suddenly assaulted.  Something reeked.
  "What's that's smell?" Michael asked.
  Forny didn't smell any thing at first, but then she
got a whiff.  The unmistakable smell of Vulvan pussies.
The smell was getting stronger.  They were getting
closer.
  "Come," Forny said as she turned to look down the
hallway shaft.  "Someone will be here anytime now.  The
engine rooms are in the balls of this dick."
  Michael stood up and realized he was still naked.
"Where are my clothes?" he asked.
  "You don't need clothes in the universe.  Why do you
think Earth was called frigid?" Forny responded.  "The
only thing ever worn is a belt to carry things."
  Michael had no answer.  He wanted to argue but the
smell was getting painful.
  "This way."  Forny pointed down the hallway.
  They walked to the end of the hallway.  There were 3
doors.
  "Looks like they've changed the design of their ships,"
Forny said.  "I wonder where this middle door goes?
These two will lead to each of the engine balls."
  Forny opened the left door and Michael followed her
through.
  "Oh, hello," said Forny as 3 pairs of Vulvan eyes
stared at them when they entered.  Forny rued that this
was not the hallway to an engine ball, but instead it
appeared to be the ship infirmary.
  "Oops, wrong door," apologized Forny, "We'll just take
the next one.
  "Halt," said a Vulvan.  The Vulvan raised from her belt
what looked like a dick and pointed it at them as if it
was a weapon.
  "We're in trouble, aren't we?" asked Michael.
  "Yes," came Forny's solemn reply.

  Michael and Forny were on their knees.  Six 7-foot tall
Vulvan guards stood by them.  The dull orange skin of the
Vulvans contrasted with the fluorescent pink of their
pussies.  It really made their pussies stand out.  The
pussies looked like large pink flowers, but flowers that
grew at the trash dump.
  In front of them was the captain of the Vulvan ship.
Her pussy was in front of them and they were between her
legs.  Michael marveled at the size of her pussy.  He
thought he could put his whole head inside it.
  Besides the size, the most obvious feature was the smell.
Michael had never smelled anything so horrendous.  His
head swam and he had trouble thinking clearly.  Sending
a Vulvan into enemy territory would be the ultimate
chemical warfare weapon.
  Both Michael and Forny gasped heavily out of their
mouths.  Lungs burned as they breathed in the scent.
  "Intruders," the Vulvan Captain spoke, "I should
just throw you out the airlock, but if you can lick me
to orgasm I will spare your lives and drop you off at the
next planet that we're not scheduled to destroy."
  Forny thought about it.  The airlock sounded like the
most promising option.
  However, Michael started to lick the captain's pussy
right away.  This surprised Forny.
  Michael's tongue felt like it was aflame as he ran it
on the big pussy lips.  As he continued, the pain
subsided as his tongue became desensitized.  He
energetically licked that pussy as if his life depended
upon it.  It did.
  Forny was surprised to see the Vulvan respond so
erotically to Michael.  Maybe this would work after all.
She joined in and began licking on the pussy lips.
  Michael was getting tired but he was persistent.  He
was determined nothing was going to slow him down.  He
was going to live.
  The captain moaned out loud in orgasm.  A gasp came
from the crowd of watching Vulvans.
  Michael and Forny rasped for breath.  Forny held her
side.  Michael hoped there was a place in the universe
where he could get a tongue transplant.
  The captain spoke.
  "That was the best orgasm I have ever had," she said.
"Out the airlock with them."
  "What!" cried Michael.  This was a very bad day.
  "But your orgasm!" interjected Forny.
  "Exactly," said the captain.  "I'm a bitch.  I don't
want anyone else having as good an experience as I just
had."

  Michael and Forny found themselves locked in the
airlock.  They had unsuccessfully tried to proposition
the guards.  They said they would be their secret sex
slaves, but the guards just did their job.
  Forny climbed on top of Michael in the 69 position.
"Please lick me one last time," Forny asked.
  The hatch opened and they popped out into dark space.
  Forny and Michael orgasmed together.




  Michael and Forny gasped for breath on the cold floor
of a spaceship.  They seemed to have spent the last hour
just trying to catch their breath in one way or another.
  A woman's voice spoke over an intercom.
  "Hello, whoever you are," she said, cheerily.  "Welcome
to the ship Orgasma."
  "Wow!" said Forny, excitedly.  "We're on the ship
Orgasma.  It was rumored that they were trying to build it.
They finally did it!"
  "At least, it sounds like they're not trying to kill
us," said Michael.  He was just relieved he wasn't dead
in the dark of space.  He looked around.  It looked like
they were in a cargo bay.  He stood up
  "Michael, think about it," continued Forny, determined
not to be steered away from her topic, as she paced around.
"A ship powered by orgasms.  The most powerful force in
the universe."
  Forny pushed some buttons on the nearby computer
console and quickly flashed through some display screens.
  "So everybody is having sex?" said Michael.
  "Doesn't need a big crew.  Robot sex," explained Forny.
  "Robot sex?" said Michael.
  "Androids instilled with personalities.  The machines
can do it with people or with each other.  Artificial
sexual intelligence.  This is the greatest achievement
ever," said Forny glowingly.
  Michael wasn't so sure of her assessment.  He thought
she was going to have an orgasm just talking about it.
  A door hissed open and both heads turned to the sound.
  "Look," said Forny "a sex droid."
  "Yes," said the droid, sadly, "Here I am with the
capabilities of 3,245,009 sexual adventures and I'm just
tasked to bring you two up to the bridge."
  "Oh, yeah?" said Forny.  She smiled so big that Michael
felt he was sneaking a peek at her cleavage even though
she was naked.
  The droid was male.  It looked like any person you might
meet on any planet.  It was however entirely silver in
color.  This was so the droids didn't look too much like a
being.  An erect 4 inch long dick stuck out of the droid.
  "Sort of small," said Forny disappointedly, looking at
it.
  The dick grew 10 more inches.
  "It can be as big as you like," the droid said.
  "Cool!" said Forny excitedly.  "Can the female droids
grow too?"
  "I'm  either, depending on your preference," said the
droid.
  "Huh?" said Forny.
  "I can be either male or female.  Whatever you prefer,"
stated the droid.  It was getting annoyed with these two
beings already.  People were always annoying.
  "Oh?" said Forny with a question.
  "Oh!"  She got it.
  "Be a female," Forny instructed.
  The droid's dick disappeared and was replaced by a
pussy.  Breasts grew and an hourglass shape developed.
  "38 double-D tits," said Forny.
  The droid's tits responded.
  "Fantastic!" exclaimed Forny.
  "Are you done?" the droid asked, with displeasure in
it's voice.
  "Yes," said Forny.
  The droid normalized the size of its tits.
  "My name is Org1," the droid said.  "Follow me."  It
turned and started to walk away.
  Forny and Michael hurriedly ran to catch up with it and
then walked behind Org1 as it led them through the ship
corridors.
  "So how many droids like you are on this ship," asked
Forny.  She wanted to know all about it.  Forny was horny.
  "Just me," responded Org1.
  "Just you?" said Forny in surprise.
  "Yes," confirmed Org1.  "The other 49 droids all
committed suicide.  Something about I'm too depressing.
No droid could stand having sex with me so they all chose
to fry their circuits."
  "Did you know I'm the original sex droid?" Org1 said,
somewhat brightly.
  "You don't say," said Forny.  Under her breath, she said,
"They messed up big time."
  "Here we are.  The bridge," said Org1 as they approached
a door.

  The door hissed open.
  They walked through.
  Forny and Michael scanned their eyes all over the
blinking computer panels and screens.  In front of
them, they saw the naked backsides of a man with a hairy
butt and of a woman with a curvy butt.
  "Sir, the visitors," announced Org1.
  "Thank you.  Now go fuck yourself," the man said
without turning around.  The man liked saying that to
Org1 because it annoyed Org1 that that was the one function
the droid was incapable of doing.
  The door hissed behind Michael and Forny as the droid
left.
  The two stood silent for a few minutes while the duo
in front of them worked at the panels.
  "Hello...?" Michael finally said tentatively.
  "Just a second," the man said without looking up.
  "Zip...?" said Forny.  Was it him?
  The man stood up straight and turned.
  "Forny!" the man shouted.  He raised his arms open wide.
  "Zip!" Forny shouted back and opened her arms too.
  Michael just stood there in shock.  And he couldn't
keep his eyes off Zip's crotch.
  Zip came forward, engulfed her right tit with his mouth
and roughly handled her other tit.  Forny wrapped her
arms around him and held him tightly to her chest.
  "Good to see you too, Zip," Forny said.
  After a few arousing minutes, Forny pushed him away.
  "So what's a scoundrel like Zipper Doubledix doing on a
ship like this?" Forny wanted to know.
  "I stole it!" Zip cheerfully replied.
  "What?!?" Forny said, not quite believing.
  "Yep!  You knew someone like me would have to have the
first ship that runs on orgasm power," said Zip, pleased
that he had impressed Forny.
  Michael watched Forny give both of Zip's dicks a strong
yank.
  "Wow!" said Forny, as she yanked Zip's dicks.
"Incredible ship!  So how's it fly?"
  Forny's touch returned fond memories to Zip.
  "Well," said Zip, more somberly to the question, "not
so good.  All the droids but one committed suicide."
  "I heard," sympathized Forny.
  "With just the two of us and that awful droid we can't
sustain power to continually travel.  Even I, the great
Zipper Doubledix, can't maintain enough sex to keep this
ship charged."
  Forny knew that was admitting a lot for Zip.
  Zip continued, "And having sex with that droid is
simply something you only want to do if you're in an
emergency."
  Forny suddenly remembered Michael was with her.
  "Oh, Zip, this is Michael.  Michael, Zip" Forny
introduced.
  "We've met," said Michael.
  "What?" said Forny, surprised.
  "On Earth.  At a party," Michael said.  "I was
trying to get in the pants of this cute skinny blonde
woman with big tits and this guy comes up and says
'Come with me.  I can fill you like no man can.'
And she left with him.  Penny was her name I think."
  "Hello, Michael," said Zip's companion.
  "Penny???" said Michael in shock.
  "You got to admit that with two dicks he can fill a
woman like no man can," said Penny.
  "What are you doing here?" Michael managed to stammer
out.
  "After that fantastic night and finding out Zip was
out of this world, I just couldn't go back to my job of
torturing lab mice, so I came with him," she answered.
  "And my name is Pleasure now," she added.
  "Say, Pleasure," said Zip, getting back to business.
"How did we end up picking up these two?"
  "The sensor records show there was a orgasm spike at
that moment.  I think the ship pulled in the energy as
we passed thru the same point in space." explained
Pleasure.
  "Were you two doing it in space?" Zip asked Forny,
with a slyness in his voice.
  "I figured if I was going to die I might as well go in
a 69," clarified Forny.
  "Good point," said Zip.
  "Well, I'm really glad you're here Forny.  We need to
energize this ship to make the next hyper jump," said Zip,
"and I know you're a woman who can help out a lot."
  Overhearing the conversation, Michael suddenly noticed
the mattress cots on the ship.  He quickly correctly
surmised they were for the crew to generate its own
energy to go with the droids energy.
  "Let's do it!" said Forny excitedly.  It was too long
since she'd been with Zip.
  "Lay down on the cot," instructed Zip.
  Forny excitedly laid down on her back.  She opened her
legs in eager anticipation of Zip.
  "Pleasure," said Zip "are the ship coordinates set to
make the hyper jump when the power is available?"
  "All set," replied Pleasure.  She didn't know why he
always asked that.  She knew how to fly the ship better
than he did.
  "Great!" said Zip.  "Pleasure lay down on top of her."
  Forny loved the feel of Pleasure's big tits pressed
against her own tits.  Forny immediately began to kiss
Pleasure deeply and passionately and Pleasure responded
back.  Forny could feel a glow in her tits.  A feeling
she hadn't felt in way too long.   Her tits color
turned a pale red.
  Zip came up to them and prepared to enter both pussies.
  "Er...excuse me," interrupted Michael.  "But, what am I
supposed to do?"
  Slightly irritated, Zip looked over at Michael.
  "Just hang out," said Zip "We're about to make a hyper
jump."
  "But... I just thought," said Michael "that since there
are two guys and two gals I might be able to join in."
  "Hey, I read the Sex Guide," said Zip. "Earth: frigid"
  Forny and Pleasure continued on with each other
oblivious to the conversation.
  "Er... mostly frigid.  Forny updated it," said Michael,
slightly embarrassed.
  "You want to join in, huh?" said Zip.
  "Yes," said Michael, nodding his head, excitedly.  This
was finally his chance to be with Penny...er...Pleasure.
  "What going on?" said Forny from underneath Pleasure as
she knew she should be filled with Zip's dick by now.
  "Your friend wants to have an orgasm to help power the
ship," answered Zip.    He barked out, "Org1 to the 
bridge."
  "Oh, that's great," said Forny, not really hearing as
Pleasure brought her namesake to Forny's sex-starved body.
  "But..." said Michael.
  Before Michael could finish his thought, the door hissed
open.
  Upon seeing female Org1, Zip immediately pointed and
said, "Have sex with him.  Be on top.  Don't let him up
until he comes."
 "But.." said Michael, with alarm.
  Org1's arms firmly pushed down Michael's shoulders until
he was forced to collapse down and then backwards.  Org1
sat down on top of him.
  "Aaagh," said Michael, as he felt his dick enter Org1's
pussy.
  Zip recognized the sound of that 'aaagh'.  He'd said it
himself.  He knew Michael was occupied now and out of his
way.
  "There you go, Frigid Man.  Thank you for doing your
part," Zip said with a slight knowing-smile.
  "You can call me Nicole if that will help," Zip heard
Org1 gloomily say to Michael.
  Zip returned his attention to Forny and Pleasure.  He
entered each pussy simultaneously.
  Forny immediately orgasmed upon feeling Zip's dick
enter her pussy.

  Org1 was going up and down on Michael's dick.  Michael
found that Org1's warmth felt very similar to a human
pussy, but the movement was sort of jerky.  It wasn't
smooth.
  Michael felt as if Org1 was designed to *force* an
orgasm out of him.  He could feel his balls building up,
but his dick started to feel sore as the droid pussy rubbed
improperly.

  "Go, Forny, go!" Zip cheered as she was in a constant
state of orgasm.  "With all your energy we might make it
in one hyper jump."
  "Where are we going?" Forny asked breathily.  Zip was
sooooooo good at sex.  He always was so good.
  "Pussina," Zip replied.
  "Pussina?" said Forny.  "That's a mythological planet.
There's no such thing as an eternal orgasm.  It's
something you tell your lover when you want him or her to
keep licking you."
  "I found it," said Zip.
  "Your crazy," said Forny.
  "We'll see," replied Zip.
  Zip increased the speed of his thrusts into Pleasure and
Forny.
  Pleasure began to moan as Forny continued to come.
  "Unnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnh," Zip cried out as his double
dicks exploded his cum inside the pussies.
  Pleasure collapsed in orgasm on top of Forny.
  There was a few seconds of loud breathing and then
a strange squeak emanated from across the room.
  Zip knew that squeak.
  The squeak was from Michael.  He uttered it when he
painfully orgasmed into Org1.
  Pleasure felt Zip's dick slide out of her pussy.
  "Ship jump!" Pleasure commanded the ship.
  All four beings slept.  Org1 left the bridge.
  The ship was now in hyperspace.



  A planet was below.
  The ship Orgasma, the only spaceship in the universe
that ran on the energy of orgasms, hung up high in space
around the planet like small tits pushed up by a wonderbra.
  "This is not the planet Pussina," said Forny strongly.
  "Yes, it is," said Zip equally insistent.
  "No, it's not," said Forny.  Forny casually rubbed her
tits.  Her body still retained a pale red hue from her
orgasms before the hyper jump.
  "Yes, it is,"  said Zip.
  Michael and Pleasure sat away from the arguing duo.
This was not something to get involved in.  They
idly played "rock, scissor, paper".  It was more
interesting.

  Here is what the Sex Guide says about the planet
Pussina:

  Pussina is a mythological planet.  The alleged
inhabitants, the Pussies, were a highly erotic people.
Having orgasms was the only thing of value in life.  If
you weren't currently having an orgasm, life was
depressing.  So, the Pussies began to look for the secret
to the eternal orgasm.  When word got out in the universe
what the Pussies were trying to do, they were raided
by a bunch of computer geeks and accountants.  Basically
people who weren't getting any nookie.  The Geeks were
successful in destroying the people of Pussina since
after all they were just a bunch of Pussies.  The project
to find the secret to the eternal orgasm ended with the
life of the Pussies.
  The story of Pussina is one of the favorite pickup
lines in the universe.

  "What do you want?  A sign?" said Zip to Forny.
  "I'd take it," said Forny.  Forny was reminded why she
didn't hang around with Zip all the time.  He could be
just so plain stupid.
  "Incoming signal," said the ship computer.
  "What does that mean?" said Zip to Pleasure.
  "Someone's trying to talk to us," said Pleasure.
  "See!" said Zip to Forny.  He stuck out his tongue.
  "It means nothing," said Forny.
  "Ship, receive message," said Pleasure for the primary
purpose of interrupting the argument.
  "Hello," said the message cheerfully, "Welcome to the
planet Pussina.  We are currently all dead, however we
look forward to having ecstasy in a future life, so
please return in about a million years.  Or longer. So
long."
  Zip stared at Forny.
  "Okay, it's the planet Pussina," said Forny,
begrudgedly, "So what?"
  "I'm going to permanently energize the ship and have a
really, really good time too," answered Zip, proudly.
  "But they're all dead," said Michael.
  "Don't they have answering machines on your planet?
Automated response"  said Zip.  "We're going to crash
this dead man's party."
  "Pleasure, let's land this ship," Zip said.

  The ship door opened up and the glare of the sun
blared inside.  Pleasure stepped out onto the barren
planet, quickly followed by Forny.
  "Stay here, Frigid Man" said Zip to Michael.
  "Why?" asked Michael.
  "To protect the ship," replied Zip.
  "From what?  Everyone's dead," said Michael.
  "Just stay here," insisted Zip.
  "Fine!" said Michael dejectedly and walked away.
  Pleasure, Forny, and Zip walked into a nearby cave.
Pleasure had analyzed the ship sensors and determined
there was an underground network of rooms and corridors
where the Pussies once worked and lived and had sex.
Probably a lot of sex.
  The trio came immediately to a large room with
several choices of door and corridors.
  "Let's split up," suggested Pleasure.
  "Why would we want to do that?" said Zip, suddenly
fearful.
  "We can find what were looking for faster," said
Pleasure.
  She held up her transmitter/sensor from her belt.
"We'll be able to contact and find each other," she
said reassuringly.
  "I...I don't know,"  said Zip.
  "How about if Forny goes with you?" she suggested.
She did not want to be with him this moment.
  "I guess that would be okay," replied Zip, "And there
would still be three of us to look."
  "Exactly," said Pleasure, trying not to sound too
sarcastic.
  Forny and Zip went one way.  Pleasure went another.

  "Let's take a walk, Org1," said Michael.  He was stir
crazy.
  "Does it involve sex?" asked Org1
  "No," said Michael.
  "Are you going outside?" asked Org1.
  "Yes," said Michael.
  "I'd rather stay," answered Org1.  "Bye."
  "Suit yourself,"  said Michael.
  Michael walked outside, up a hill, away from the
cavern.
  After a few minutes, Michael was surprised to see an
actual door in the hillside.  He approached it.
  Michael became thoughtful.  Here he was an earthling
light years from his planet, or what was his planet,
and he was on an alien planet with alien metal and
alien air.  It was incredible.  And all in just a few
days.
  He put the palm of his hand on the cold alien metal of
the door.
  Surprisingly, the door opened to his touch by
retracting upward like a garage door.
  Michael boldly entered in.
  Michael wandered aimlessly through the many corridors.
He quickly realized he was lost, so he decided to head
toward the hum of machinery in the distance.  Maybe
there would be a someone there.
  Michael eventually came into an area where machine
sounds were coming from various ends of the corridor
junction.  He was about to decide to go down a corridor
that sounded louder when he heard something from the
corridor on his left.
  Michael turned to face it.
  The noise sounded very much like a woman in the midst
of sexual ecstasy.
  Michael didn't like the idea of interrupting such
activity, if indeed that was what it was, but at least
there were people here and maybe they could help him
find his way back to the ship.
  Michael walked about 150 feet down the pathway and
looked into an open door.
  In the middle of the room was what appeared to be a
queen-sized examination room.  On top of the bed, on
his back, was an old man that Michael thought looked
like Obi Wan Kenobi.  On top of the old man was a large
breasted woman bouncing up and down on the old man's
dick.  The woman was obviously enjoying her activity
very much.
  Michael was very surprised to see that the woman
making all the noise was Pleasure.
  Michael courteously waited for Pleasure and Obi Wan
to finish their business before interrupting.
  When Pleasure finally screamed out in total orgasm,
Michael found he had to step out of the room.  The echo
acoustics of the room was deafening.
  After the reverberation faded, Michael stepped back
into the room.  Pleasure and Obi Wan were both on their
feet.
  Obi Wan noticed him first.
  "Oh, there you are Earthman," Obi Wan said.  "I'm
glad you are here so I don't have to go find you.  I've
greatly enjoyed the delicacies of this Earthwoman."
  Michael stood silently with his mouth agape,
unhearing.
  The old man before him had a very fat and long dick.
That wasn't the cause of Michael's agapeness.  That was
caused by that fact that the old man's dick was
corrugated.
  Pleasure spoke as if reading Michael's mind.
  "Amazing, isn't it," Pleasure said, looking back at
the source of her best ecstasy ever.  She wiped some
renewed drool from her mouth.  "I just had to have it."
  "Where's Zip and Forny?" Michael finally asked.
  "We split up," answered Pleasure.  "I was lucky
enough to be the one to make contact.  She smiled at
her use of the word "contact" as if she was a junior
high schoolgirl.
  As if on cue, Forny and Zip appeared through the
doorway.
  "See I told you that moaning was Pleasure," said Zip
to Forny.  He was right twice in one day.  He was
insufferably pleased with himself.
  "I thought you guys were all dead," said Forny.  Zip
would be impossible to be around for the next few days.
  "Everyone's in suspension," replied the old man.
"I'm the only one awake.  They'll awaken when the
secret to the eternal orgasm is finally discovered."
  "What if you die?" Forny followed up.
  "The computer will wake up another scientist to
continue the research."
  "Unfortunately," the old man said sadly, "the Earth
was blown up before we could discover the answer.  We
were so close."  He shook his head.
  "Excuse me," said Michael, "did you say the Earth?"
  "Yes," confirmed the old man.  "I'd have to start
from almost the beginning if it wasn't for you
Earthman showing up."
  "Me?" said Michael quizzically.

  A long time when the Pussies were first trying to
answer the question to the eternal orgasm, they
quickly realized the problem was immense.  They
discovered a planet on the far fringes of the universe
where nobody ever went or would admit they went and
subtly watched the developing race of people called
Earthlings.  The Pussies developed high technology
to monitor the Earth people which transmitted signals
that relayed the erotic responses to the monitoring
ships on the dark side of the moon.  The earthlings,
not knowing the true intent of the monitoring devices,
called them "vibrators","dildos","blow-up dolls",
"condoms", and similar items.  Hence, the very items
that brought people so much pleasure was the same
source for so much information to the Pussies.

  "Yes," said the old man.  "I want to dissect your
brain.  It's the most erogenous part, you know."
  "No, it's not," interrupted Zip.  "That's just
something your parents tell you so you won't have sex
before you are five."
  "Yes, it is," said the old man.
  "No, it's not," argued Zip.
  "Ye.." said the old man.  He was cut off.
  "Er...pardon me," said Michael.  "Uh...um...what's
your name?"
  "Smarty Fartass," the old man replied.
  "What!?" said Michael in surprise
  "I changed my name.  I didn't like my old name," said
Smarty Fartass.
  "What was that?" persisted Michael.
  "OhBeeJuan KayKnowBee," replied Smarty Fartass,
uncomfortably.
  "Why did you chose that name," continued Michael, even
more incredulously.
  "I'm the smart guy who discovered the fart is related
to sexual fulfillment," answer Smarty Fartass patiently.
  "The fart?  That smelly byproduct of eating too many
beans?" said Michael, in further shock.
  "Yes," said Smarty Fartass.  "Can I have your brain
now?"
  "I'd rather keep it," replied Michael.
  "I need a brain," responded Smarty Fartass.
  "What about Pleasure?" said Michael. It was every
earthling for himself.
  "Well, she has a pussy and an ass.  You just have an
ass. That makes her more versatile for my satisfaction,"
said Smarty Fartass.
  "You'd be better off, Frigid Man," Zip suddenly
suggested.
  Before Michael could respond, a loud explosion echoed
down the corridor.
  "What was that?" Michael and Forny exclaimed
simultaneously.
  "That's just the Police Universal," said Smarty
Fartass, calmly.  "Something about a stolen spaceship."
  All eyes turned to Zip.
  The noise was getting closer and louder.  Everyone
except for the native Pussy hid behind the bed.
  "Zipper Doubledix," came a loud voice, "Give yourself
up.  We won't hurt you."
  "Much," said a second voice.
  "Right," confirmed the first voice.  "Maybe a poke in
the eye or make you wear clothes for a while."
  "You'll never make me wear clothes," yelled Zip back
defiantly.
  "Shhh!" said Forny quietly.  "You'll let them know
where we are."
  Two shadows appeared in the doorway.
  "Your not Zip," the first voice said.
  "I am not," said Smarty Fartass.
  A 'ummph' sound came from behind the table followed
by panicked muttering.  Michael had slipped.
  "Come out from behind that table," said the first
voice.
  Four sets of arm slowly rose up above the table like
nipples hardening in a cool breeze.  At first , you're
not sure you're seeing what you're seeing, but then you
realize they are indeed what you thought they were.
  A electrical frying sound erupted.
  The first voice said, "Ack!"
  The second voice said, "Ack"
  When Zip, Forny, Pleasure, and Michael stood up fully,
they saw the two Police Universal officers collapsed on
the floor and apparently dead.
  "What happened?" said Forny to the only witness.
  "They went 'ack!' and fell down," said Smarty Fartass.
  "How..." said Forny.
  "Who cares," interrupted Zip, rudely, "Let's get out
of here.  This planet is nowhere-ville as an energy
source."
  "You ready to energize, Pleasure?" Zip asked,
excitedly.
  "No way," said Pleasure, "I'm still wiped out."
  Zip caught her look at Smarty Fartass.
  "Him?" said Zip.  "Oh!"  He saw Smarty Fartass's dick.
  "Very, very nice dick," complimented Zip.
  "Thank you.  I did it myself.  I like crinkly bits,"
said Smarty Fartass.   "You're better than average
yourself."
  "Are you recovered enough?" said Zip to Forny.
  "Not to get us very far," said Forny.
  "I can help you energize your ship," said Smarty
Fartass, "I'll give you enough power to get to "The
Orgy at the End of Time"
  "Hey!" said Zip, slapping his head.  "Why didn't I
think of going there."
  "Probably because you had your head up her ass,"
Smarty Fartass replied, referring to Zip's dick and to
Pleasure respectively.

  The five of them walked out of the underground tunnels
into the bright sun.  Org1 was outside slumped in the
dust.  It rose upon their approach.
  "Org1!" said Zip, happily, "What have you been up to?"
  "I decided to go over to the police ship for
conversation," said Org1.  "It seemed like a friendly
enough talk, but when I asked if it wanted to have sex,
it fried itself."
  "Tough luck," said Zip, "I'm sure there's a machine
out there for you."   Under his breath, he said, "In a
black hole."

  With special canisters of compressed orgasm energy,
Smarty Fartass helped fuel the ship Orgasma.
  They all stood just outside the open ship door when
the task was complete.
  "Will you not decide to stay, Michael," Smarty
Fartass asked one last time.  He saw thousands and
thousands of years of research ahead of him without the
Earth brain.
  "No," said Michael, flatly.  He danced off into the
ship away from the potential brain snatcher.  He turned
on some relaxing Celtic-sounding music.
  "And you, Pleasure?" said Smarty Fartass.  "Will you
not stay and explore our sexuality."
  "I first came with Zip to see the universe," explained
Pleasure.  "There's a lot more to see.  Besides, I think
you'd never get any work done if I stayed.
  "I'm sure you're correct," said Smarty Fartass.  "So
long and thanks for all the sex."  He turned and went
underground.
  The remaining three went into the ship.

  The ship Orgasma rose into the sky.  It broke orbit
and with the coordinates Zip provided.  Pleasure jumped
the ship into hyperspace.



  The spaceship Orgasma exited hyper space and temporal
space simultaneously.  On the ship's viewscreen the
glittering planet coY-oh-teSS grew larger.
  Even from this great distance, Michael Slunk could
distinctly see the planet in the dark of space.  As the
ship neared, it looked to Michael as to be all the excesses
of the Las Vegas strip magnified by a thousand times.  A
gigantic sign glowed in bright letters, powered by fusion
and injected with a pink gas to give it color.  The sign
was in orbit around coY-oh-teSS or perhaps coY-oh-teSS
was in orbit around the sign.  The sign was that huge.
  The sign proudly displayed "The Orgy at the End of Time".

  Zipper Doubledix's two dicks immediately became erect
once the ship returned to normal space and he saw the
sign.  He'd been here before and it was always a bang.
  Forny Perfect's pussy juices were running down her legs.
She'd always wanted to come here.  She was high in
anticipation.
  Pleasure, the lone surviving female from the former
planet Earth, focused on guiding the ship into parking.
She didn't know what to expect so she wasn't aroused, but
she was excited to have a chance for additional sexual
experimentation with other beings.
  Michael just didn't want be confined to the ship.  Every
time he went somewhere to masturbate, Org1, the sex droid,
would suddenly show up and Michael would have to stop real
fast before Org1 forced him to have sex with it.  To
quickly deflate his dick, he thought of Sally Jessy
Raphael, Delta Burke, and Ed Asner in an three-way and
they wanted him to join them.  That always worked.  But
since Michael hadn't been able to ejaculate, he was
sexually pent up.

  Pleasure smoothly parked the Orgasma in an open spot in
the midst of hundreds of ships already there.  The crew
got ready to disembark.
  "Would you stand still, Forny?" said Zip.  "You're
making the floor all wet with your leaking.  I don't want
to get a broken dick by slipping and falling down.  That
would make me very irritable."
  "Ok, ok," replied Forny, realizing there was some truth
in his statement.
  "How's it coming, Pleasure?" asked Zip.
  "Good, Zip,"  said Pleasure.  "I've downloaded the
current guest list at the orgy, plus who is scheduled to
arrive while we're there.  I've calculated how much energy
they are likely to generate which will feed into the ship.
The ship will not have to be recharged for...er... for a
long, long time."
  "Wow!" said Zip.  "Good job."
  "Thanks," said Pleasure.  She felt SO attracted to Zip
right now, but she was determined to try out some other
beings.
  "One thing though," Pleasure added.
  "What?" said Zip.
  "Because we are taking the orgasmic energy, each time
any one comes they might have a slight strange or
unpleasant after taste
  "Like diet 7-Up?" interjected Michael.
  "Exactly," said Pleasure.  It was a good analogy.
  "I can deal with that," said Zip.  "Let's go."

  Michael's eyes bugged out.  In front of him was a
giant mass of beings.  They were all in the festivities
of sexual pleasure.  Beings that looked like snakes,
some that looked like insects.  Some were short and
cube like.  Some had obvious genitals, others did not.
One being looked like a digital wristwatch.
  Overhead misters sprayed something soothing and
sex-scented to keep the participants active.  It would
do no good for business if the customers got tired too
fast and felt they didn't get their money's worth.
  A live band played strange music with a loud,
repetitive thumping bass beat.  It brought to Michael's
mind the drummer who pounded the beat on slave ships.
  Zip wasted no time.  He found a shapely female being
who was sucking on another's dick and he entered her
ass and pussy simultaneously with his two dicks.
  Her moaning got the attention of others.  Some looked
over.
  "Isn't that Zipper Doubledix?" they would say.  The
females would add, "I sure wish I was her."  Most of
them would end up having the chance to be her in the
end.
  Pleasure didn't know where to start.  Fortunately,
five members of the Universal Rugburn championship team
arrived at the same time.  Pleasure looked at the fat
dick of one of them and took him and one of his buddies
on to the floor.
  Forny saw Michael sitting out of the action sitting
at one of the tables.
  "Michael," said Forny.  "It's okay to masturbate."
  "Well, I was hoping to have sex," said Michael, a
little offended.
  Forny laughed.
  "Whatever," she said, and went off to see an old
acquaintance.

  Veronivoom Virginia is the most famous porn star in
the universe.  When she was young, she was called Virgin
for short but not for long.  A dick is able to enter her
pussy from every 45 degrees, so she can take in eight
dicks at a time.  Her best know film is the classic
"800 dicks in 8 minutes" but most of her other films
are also considered classic such as "Come Again
Part 903", "Explosions and Orgasms", and "105 Other
Sexual Uses for Subpoenas."  Also, the edgy experimental
film "An Ass in Time"  where she travels back in time,
finds herself, and does her own ass with a strap-on
dildo.

  Forny walked up to Veronivoom's table.
  "Hi Veronivoom!  How you doing?" Forny said in a
very friendly tone.
  Veronivoom looked at her blankly
  "It's me, Forny!"
  Blank.
  "Forny Perfect!"
  Blank.
  "You gave me a small role in your film "Hyper Space
Anal Virgins with Pot Holders".  It's the one where you
blow up a moon at the very moment you and the four
dicks inside you come simultaneously.  A cool effect."
  "Oh, yeah," said Veronivoom remembering the film
but not Forny.
  "So why aren't you in the action?" asked Forny.
  "Taxes," Veronivoom explained.  "I'm spending the
year as a virgin, so I don't have to give up my
resort condo on Thank'ewe'maaM."
  "That's sucks.  Sorry, I shouldn't say 'sucks' when
you can't," Forny said embarrassedly.  "I guess
you're screwed.  Oops!  Sorry, again.  I guess I
should go.  When you back in action?"
  "About 25 million years ago," answered Veronivoom.
"I'm going to crack a moon in half with a ship.  It's
going to be an ass-smashing success."
  "Wow!" said Forny impressed.  "You always have new
ideas.  That's why you're the best."
  Veronivoom smiled at the compliment.
  "You better get into the action," she said, "before
you regret missing out on the time of your life."
  Forny looked over into the crowd of undulating flesh.
She saw a guy rise up off a satisfied female that was
underneath him.  He looked intriguing.
  "Nice seeing you, again," said Forny and headed off
toward the guy.
  "Who was that?" a burly guy said coming up to
Veronivoom.  "Another wannabe?"
  "Yeah,"  Veronivoom replied.
  "A message," said burly guy slipping her an envelope
with the letters URL on it.  Universe Revenue Locator,
the universe's tax collectors.
  Vernivoom opened the envelope and read the contents.
She smiled big.
  "Good news?" burly guy asked.
  "I'm back in business.  Someone must have pressured
the URL to back off since a recession has started since
I've stopped working.  Lots of people can't find work.
It's also good to have had sex with just about every
leader of every planet.  No one wants to see their
planet dry up in economic ruin."
  "Wonderful," said burly guy.
  "Let's go," said Veronivoom.
  They exited the orgy and went to the parking lot.

  Michael was feeling discouraged.  Zip by now had sex
with several dozen females. Pleasure had five males
and was now wiped out of energy and she just let any
guy climb on top of her and do her.  Forny was glowing
bright red and screaming like a banshee.  All Michael
had gotten was a few snickers, a couple of giggles,
and some out right laughs from beings as he tried to
join in.
  Michael decided to masturbate.
  "May I do that for you?" a voice said.
  Michael looked up in surprise.
  A pale yellow-skinned female stood before him.  Her
yellow skin was covered in light-blue freckles.
  Michael thought she looked thoroughly alien, yet
something was oddly very attractive about her.
  "May I do that for you?" she asked again.
  "With me?" said Michael in surprise.
  "Is there another you I can do it with?" she replied.
  "Errrr...no," said Michael feeling foolish.  "It's
just everybody else has just laughed at me."
  "I'm not laughing at you," she replied.
  "No.  But you might later," Michael responded.
  "And if I did, so what?  It would be later after all,"
she answered.
  There was a strange logic to that Michael realized.
Once the sex was complete, he wouldn't care if she
laughed.
  She grabbed his forearms and lifted them up, away
from his dick and placed them on the upper pair of
her four tits.
  Michael felt an arousing tingle in his hands as he
touched her.
  "What's your name," Michael asked as his head started
to swim into joy."
  "Shyly," she replied.

  The planet Shyly is off in the far reaches of the
Zelda Omicron Jones section of the universe.  The
planet is very sparsely populated.  Shyly is the
size of Uranus but only 100 beings live there.  They
are all named Shyly and all are female.  They are
characterized with pale yellow skin covered by tiny
blue polka dots. They also have two pairs of breasts.
When a Shyly mates with another being, no matter what
kind of being or how different the male was, the conceived
being is entirely a Shyly.  The Shyly are a highly-erotic
quiet people.  They don't feel a need to always go for
the biggest bang during sex and often seem to enjoy
simpler sex.  That fact helps beings who can't seem to
get sex get some, such as workers for the URL.  That fact
also means that many beings say "What's the point" and
pass on the Shyly in sexual opportunities.  No one has
ever been disappointed having sex with a Shyly.

  Michael felt Shyly's hands start to rub his dick.
Her hands felt good.  Michael saw Shyly lower her body
down and felt her pull on his dick.  Following her lead,
he lowered down with her.
  Michael was on his back in the midst of the orgy as
Shyly tenderly and slowly gave him the best blow job
he'd ever felt.  He hadn't come yet and he already knew
it was the best.  Michael was happy.
  Michael's eyes rolled back into his head and he took
in the ecstasy of this wonderful female.  Before he
knew it, his dick was thrusting into Shyly's pussy and
he felt like they were floating in air.  He couldn't
actually look to see that he was on the floor.  His eyes
were glazed over as he experienced absolutely fantastic
sex.  No Earth woman was like this.
  Time no longer existed.  The club band no longer
existed.  The only sound Michael could hear was the soft
sensual breathing of Shyly.  Her sounds just made him
harder and harder.  He'd never felt so hard.  He felt he
could punch a hole in a concrete wall with his dick.
He couldn't hear the moans and groans of the beings mere
inches from him on the crowded floor.  Not even the high
pitched wails of Forny.
  It was the most mind-blowing orgasm Michael ever had.

  Forny found Michael.  He was asleep in the middle of
the orgy floor.
  "Time to go," said Forny waking him.
  "Oh, Shyly," Michael responded, softly, half-asleep.
  Michael then recognized who was in front of him.
  "Oh, Forny," Michael said, curtly.
  "You can be rude to me later, Michael," said Forny,
"It's time to go."
  Michael stood up.  "Where's Shyly?" he asked, looking
around.
  "What?  A Shyly?  Was a Shyly here?," said Forny,
suddenly alarmed.
  Michael just stood there in a dreamy state.
  "Oh, no!" exclaimed Forny.
  She pulled Michael and headed to the parking lot as
fast as she could.
  Zip and Pleasure were there already.
  "I can't understand what went wrong," Forny heard
Pleasure explained to Zip.  "The ship computer is
completely fried, but there is no way that too much
power would have been generated.  It was perfectly
calculated yet somehow we got too much energy."
  Zip looked over at Michael who was gibbering to
himself.  Something was odd about him.
  "You had sex didn't you!" said Zip to Michael,
accusedly in light bulb realization.
  "What?!" said Pleasure in surprise.
  "He had sex," Forny said matter-of-factly.
  "I calculated Michael for the masturbation section,"
said Pleasure.
  "A reasonable thought.  I don't blame you," said Zip.
  Michael just stood there unhearing with a big stupid
grin on his face.
  "What are we going to do now?" asked Pleasure with a
little concern in her voice.
  "I was getting tired of that ship anyway," said Zip.
"Let's just take another one."
  Zip started to walk down the parking lot looking at
all the ships.
  Pleasure followed.  Forny dragged Michael along.
Org1 who had been monitoring the conversation exited
the ship and followed too.

  Zip stopped in front of a ship that caught his eye.
  "Forny, look at this one," Zip said, excitedly
  "Hey! Wow!" said Forny, impressed.
  The front of the ship was pointed and long.  Shaped
like a needle.  The ship was thin from front to the
middle, but from the middle to the back it was big and
shaped like a soup can.  Michael, thinking a bit more
clearly now, thought it had a vague phallic appearance.
It reminded him a little of the unpleasant experience
with the Vulvans.
  "These are the engines and fuel tanks," Zip was
explaining to an uninterested Forny. "It can go fast
and run for a very, very, very long time.  It can
really move."
  "Uh, huh," said Forny trying to intentionally sound
bored.
  "Hey, Org1," said Zip.  "I'm glad your here."
  "You know what happened to the last ship I tried to
have sex with," Org1 said sadly.
  "I just want you to open the door to the ship," said
Zip.  "Can you open that?"
  "The door?" said Org1
  "Yes," said Zip.
  "That's it?" replied Org1.
  "Yes," said Zip.  "Could you hurry the ship's owner
could arrive at any time."
  The five of them entered the ship and Zip piloted
it out of the parking lot and away from coY-oh-teSS.

  On the ship next to the ship stolen by Zip was
Veronivoom Virginia.
  "Isn't that our movie stunt ship that just left?"
she said.
  "I'll just put it on auto-pilot," burly guy said.
"Whoever stole it is going to have the bang of their
life."

  Zip, Forny, and Pleasure were panicked.  The ship
was spiraling back in time and in the opposite
direction Zip told it to go.
  Suddenly everyone was flung to the floor as the ship
jolted into normal time and space.  They climbed back
up onto their feet.
  "Where are we?" said Zip as he looked out the view
screen.
  "Something is familiar about this," said Forny, on
the screen was a moon that looked like an ass, complete
with crack and a hole.
  "Hey, I got communications working," said Pleasure.
  "Put it on," said Zip.
  "Power the engines to full," crackled a voice over
the speaker.  "Veronivoom and the four guys are about
to come."
  They felt the ship's engines throttling hard.
  "Oh, yeah," said Forny.  "Veronivoom is going to
crack this moon in half as she orgasms with her lovers."
  "This is the ship that's going to do it," Org1 said.
He'd been silent since they left coY-oh-teSS.
  "Why didn't you say something," said Forny angrily.
  "We'll if I'm not getting any sex, why should you?"
replied Org1.
  "Er...excuse me," said Michael.
  "Not now.  We're kind of busy," said Zip.
  "Um..." said Michael.
  "Shush," said Pleasure.
  "This sign says 'Escape Pod'.
  "Michael, be quiet..." said Forny.  "Escape pod?
Where?"
  "Right here," said Michael pointing at the sign above
a window port.
  "Michael, maybe we'll have sex one day after all,"
said Forny happily.  She gave him a quick kiss.
  Michael enjoyed it.  He could get used to a universe
that only thought about sex.
  "Uh, oh," said Forny.  "It's the LPE2020 model.  It's
known for accidentally time jumping."
  "Who cares," said Zip, opening the hatch and getting a
good seat.  "It's better than being dead.
  The throttle was released on the ship and it became
to race toward the moon.
  "Impact in 20...19...18," the radio crackled.
  They all hurriedly climbed into the pod and closed
the hatch.
  "8...7...6...5"
  Forny fired off the compressed air engine and the pod
blew away from the ship.   Fortunately the pod did
malfunction and the pod skipped through time.  A second
later, the ship penetrated a hole in an ass-shaped moon
and blew up.  The moon cracked in two.  The right "cheek"
pushed out where the pod was just a moment before.

  On the escape pod, four beings were passed out as the
little ship ripped back through time.  Way back in time.
  The pod was defective in that it traveled through time,
yet it was smart enough to find a passing ship an attach
itself to it.  It also helped that Org1 threatened to have
sex with the pod, if it didn't try to save the people in
inside it.  So the pod attached itself to a ship, but for
some reason no one on the ship seemed to notice the pod.
Org1 waited for the foursome to wake up.



  Michael was the first one to awake.  Org1 was quietly
humming a song.  Michael was surprised to recognize the
tune - "Killing Me Softly With This Song".
  "Where are we?" Michael asked, with trepidation
  Here we go again, thought Org1.  Stupid questions.
  "In a escape pod attached to a ship," replied Org1.
  "So we're alive!" said Michael, with excitement.
  "Sadly, yes," said Org1, sadly.
  Forny began to stir and she abruptly popped up.
  "What's going on?" Forny spouted.
  Org1 grumbled to itself.
  "We're attached to a ship," replied Michael since Org1
didn't.
  "Hmmmm," said Forny, "I wonder why the ship's crew
hasn't come for us?"
  "At least someone's not threatening to kill us," said
Michael.  "I much prefer apathetic beings."
  Forny woke Zip and Pleasure then they had Org1 open the
hatch and they entered into the unknown ship.  Once the
hatch hissed closed, which was a good thing since it
prevents nuisances such as asphyxiation, they stood at the
end of a wide corridor.
  "I guess there's only way direction to go," said
Pleasure in obvious observation
  Zip looked upward and then down to the floor.  "I think
Pleasure is right."
  Forny failed to suppress an annoyed smirk.
  "Let's go," said Forny, choosing leadership.

  The corridor entered into a massive room.  It brought to
Michael's mind the one time he was at the Superdome to see
a Rolling Stones concert.  Except this room was very, very
cold and there was rows and rows of machines and they went
unbelievably high up.
  Michael saw Forny wipe the condensation away from
something.  A name plate?
  "Bertus Doob, plastic incompetence," said Forny, reading
the plate.
  Forny went to another one.
  "Cluuvin Dowbins, doesn't know an ass from an Anpillian
wompcat," Forny said.
  "Xevvin Dpuqin, inability to self-grat," Forny continued
with the next one.
  "They're incompetents," said Zip.
  "Incompetents?" said Michael and Pleasure simultaneously.
That was probably the closest Michael would do anything
simultaneously with Pleasure.
  "Sexual incompetents," explained Forny, "Thousands and
thousands of them.  I've never seen so many together."
  "But who's flying the ship?" said Pleasure.
  "Oh, someone's around," said Forny.  "It's basically
a freighter.  Don't need much of a crew."
  "So these people are ... dead?" asked Michael.
  "They just look dead," answered Forny, "Sort of like
Keith Richards.  Of course, he's dead now."
  The Stones were gone.  That made Michael sad.
  "At least NSync is gone too," added Forny, trying to
erase the sad look on Michael's face.
  "Should we find the crew?" said Forny.
  "Oh, I don't know," said Zip, "People aren't always
glad to see me."
  Michael nodded his head knowing just how he felt.
  "What are you doing out of your chambers?" a voice said
from behind them.
  They slowly turned around.
  In front of them was a human looking male.  He held a
very lethal looking weapon.  While the weapon should
have held their attention, what held attention was that
the man had a very tiny dick.
  Org1 suddenly discovered it had the capacity to giggle.
  "Sss, sss, ssss," said Org1.
  "Hello," said Forny, cautiously to the man.
  "Sss, sss, ssss," said Org1.
  "Who are you?" the male said.  He saw Zip's two large
dicks and Michael's dick and knew they weren't from
around here.
  "Sss, sss, ssss," said Org1.
  "Ummm..." said Forny.
  "Sss, sss, ssss," said Org1.
  "...we were in an escape pod..."
  "Sss, sss, ssss," said Org1.
  "...and our ship crashed..."
  "Sss, sss, ssss," said Org1.
  "...somehow the pod attached to your ship," Forny looked
at Org1.
  "What's wrong with him," Forny whispered to Zip.
  "Sss, sss, ssss," said Org1.
  "Beats me," replied Zip, trying not to laugh himself.
He then said "so if you could just drop us off along the
way to where ever you are going?"
  "Sss, sss, ssss," said Org1.
  "Stop," said Forny, giving Org1 a push on the shoulder.
  Org1 regained control of itself.
  "That's not going to be possible," said the male.  "I
should take you to the Captain."  He motioned with his
weapon.
  "That doesn't sound good," said Michael quietly to
Forny.
  "Good idea," said Forny, "Let's see the Captain."
  On the walk to the Captain, they discovered the male's
name was Alcussellzer.  They decided to call him Al.
He, the crew, and the people in the frozen chambers were
from the planet Goodlyfrenchem.  They decided to call
them Goodies

  The leaders of the planet of Goodlyfrenchem were
dismayed that the sexual reputation of the planet had
fallen to only a 1-star rating in the Sex Guide to the
Universe.  So they devised a strategy to remove the
sexually incompetent.  They didn't have the guts (or
heart) to kill them so they went toward people's ego
and told them they would be sexual ambassadors to a new
world.  They discovered a small blue-green planet in the
middle of nowhere, put them all in a ship on auto-pilot,
and sent them off.  Unfortunately, they later discovered
that the group include all their accountants, so when they
failed to properly credit Veronivoom Virginia's bank
account for an appearance, the planet was put on quarantine.
Normally, it would have been no big deal to get off
quarantine by altering records, but they discovered they
had no one left who could operate a computer either.

  Al opened the door to the ship's bridge and the five
visitor's entered and saw the crewmembers.
  "Captain," Al said, loudly, "I have discovered five
intruders."
  "Oh have you?" a big man said.  His back was to them.
  "Yes," said Al, "And I have them right here."
  "Oh," said the Captain, slightly startled.  There was a
slight squeaking sound.  "Damn, its stuck," he said
quietly to himself.  Everyone heard.
  The Captain turned around.  He was a big man.  A big man
with a small dick.  With a rubber on his dick.  A rubber
duck on his dick.
  Naturally, all the visitors' eyes when to the duck.
  "Well, it's been such an enjoyable experience," Captain
said, sheepishly, knowing what they were looking at.
  "I told you it would get stuck," said Al.
  "But I'm enjoying myself," said Captain.
  "How long have you had it on?" said Forny.  She didn't
think she really wanted to know, but there was a
compulsion to ask.
  "Ummm...let me think.  How long have we been on this
trip?" said Captain.
  "Five years today, Captain" said Al.
  "Oh, then tomorrow will be five years with me and my
special friend," said Captain.  He gave it a little
squeak.
  The visitors' eyes grew wide.
  "When do you reach your destination?" said Pleasure
steering off the current topic.
  "Tomorrow," said Captain.  "Auto-landing.  Quite
thrilling."
  "Shouldn't hurt too badly," he added.
  The four of them just looked at each other in shock
and horror.

  The ship's landing was indeed quite thrilling, though
terrifying was a better way to describe it.  The freezers
jettisoned out of the ship and floated down in giant
parachutes to the ground below.  Two freezers
malfunctioned and one sailed into a body of water making
it red.  In the other freezer, everyone was equally dead
as it landed into a different sea.  The bridge also
jettisoned and landed upside down.  Forny kept her wits
and opened up the hatch and all got out alive.
  The foursome sat under some trees watching the
Goodies try to assemble their supplies together.  There
were women among the Goodies.  Some looked attractive to
Michael.
  Forny had her Sex Guide to the Universe pulled out of
her pussy and she actively pressed buttons.
  After a long mutual silence, Forny finally spoke.
  "We went way back in time," she said.  "The transmissions
I'm picking up are so distant and so few."
  "That's not good," said Zip.
  "Nope," confirmed Forny.
  "Where are we?" said Michael.
  "Earth," said Forny.
  "Earth?!?" said Michael, choking.
  "Yes, I'm quite sure," said Forny.  "I've scanned the
planet."
  "So Smarty Fartass's quest to find the secret to the
eternal orgasm is ruined almost immediately by the
Goodies," said Pleasure perceptively.
  "Yes, said Forny, "You and Michael are descended from
the Goodies."  She looked at the two.  "Sorry."
  "Them?" said Michael.  In cosmic bad timing he looked
over and saw two Goodies incompetently trying to have sex.
It turned his stomach.
  "Michael," said Pleasure.  "We come out pretty good
anyway."
  "Well, some of you do," interrupted Zip.  He looked
fondly at Pleasure. "But not most."  He looked at Michael.
  Michael became angry, but Forny put her hand on his
thigh to calm him before he spoke.
  "But surely there is a part of them that has the answer
to the eternal orgasm," said Zip hopefully.
  Forny shook her head.
  "There is," said Org1's voice.  It was suddenly standing
by them.
  "What?" said Forny.
  "I can see it imprinted inside his dick.  I can see it,
but I don't understand it," said Org1.
  "What is it!" said Zip, excitedly.
  "It's B...A...T...E...S...comma...M...A...S...T...E...R."
answered Org1.
  "Bates, Master," said Michael quizzically.
  Pleasure was laughing and then Forny.    Zip looked at
Forny and she whispered in his ear.  He looked
disappointed, but then began to chuckle too.
  "What's so funny?" said Michael.
  "People," said Org1.  "So unpredictable.  So stupid."
It walked away.

  As they lived their lives on Earth, Zip chose to have
sex with Pleasure and Forny.   Pleasure and Forny helped
teach the sexual incompetent female Goodies about enjoyment
and Zip eventually had more and more females to enjoy.  The
males with their small dicks were not so great for Forny and
Pleasure, but they taught the men to give them oral sex.
Michael finally had sex with Forny and more important to
him - since he and Zip had the only dicks of size of
satisfactory size -  he finally had sex with Pleasure. The
four of them lived their lives with the lone purpose of
making Earth the most sexually perfect world in the
universe.  It would be the sex guide to the universe for
all others to follow.