The Matriarch's Marriage Advice


Susan's mind was still fuzzy as she struggled to wake.
She wiped the sleep out of her eyes and looked at the
old woman seated in the chair. "Grandma?"

"Yes dear?" 

"What are you doing in here?" Here was the bedroom
that her Grandmother had put them in last night for
their stay. It was an extremely beautiful room within
an enormous old mansion. The queen size bed took up a
very small portion of the room. There was a sitting
area with a love seat, chair, and coffee table. The
decor was Victorian, with lace, painted glass, and
beautiful wood. The room had French Doors that opened
onto a balcony. 

"I'm here to talk to both of you."

"Couldn't you have waited until we were up?"asked
Susan. Her fiancée still had his hand on her naked
breast and was sleeping with a half smile on his face.
After the workout that they had last night, it would
be a miracle if he woke in another hour.

"Why should I wait?"

"Ah, well, um, we aren't really decent right at the
moment."

"I can see that, Susan," replied the old woman. She
pointed her cane at Susan's breast and the hand that
covered it. "Looks like he's having indecent dreams,
too."

"Would you mind leaving while we get dressed?"

"Yes, I would mind. I would mind very much." Her voice
conveyed her indignation at the idea that she should
have to leave the room. This was her house and they
were guests. She looked over at the man still sleeping
in the bed. She raised her cane and brought it sharply
down on his leg. 

"Jesus Christ! What the hell's going on?" screamed the
man as the pain shocked him awake. He looked around
wildly  trying to figure out what was going on. He saw
the old woman sitting on the chair moving the cane
away from the bed. 

Susan shouted, "Grandma! What did you do that for?"

"I told you. I'm here to talk to both of you. Can't do
that with him asleep, can I?"

Charles untangled the sheet and was able to cover the
both of them. The grandmother glared at the action.
Rubbing his shin, Charles whispered to Susan, "Is she
crazy?"

Susan shrugged her shoulders while grandma replied,
"Boy, I'm old, not deaf." 

Susan loved her grandmother very much. She was her
favorite relative and had many fond memories of times
spent together. She spent every summer at the house
when she was growing up and grandma always treated her
special. The rest of the family said that grandma had
a reputation for being a little odd. This morning her
actions went well beyond odd. Concerned, she asked,
"Grandma? Are you feeling okay?"


"I'm fine," rebuked the old woman. She set the tip of
the cane on the floor between her legs and placed her
hands, one atop the other, on the duck head that
formed the handle. Her hands were wrinkled and liver
spotted, the nails thick with age. She pointed to the
coffee table and sofa in the corner of the room with
her age sharpened nose. On the coffee table was a
teapot and three cups. She added, "I made some tea for
you to drink while waking up."

Susan and Charles looked at each other in confusion.
Both were thinking about their nudity and waited for
her to leave the room. The old woman got tired of
waiting for them to move. She lifted the cane and
brought it down sharply on the wood floor making a
loud crack. Both of them jumped in surprise. "Now that
I've got your attention, get over there and have some
tea. Pour me a cup while you're at it."

"Grandma, we're not dressed!"

"Do you think I'm blind too? Now get your naked asses
out of that bed before I start breaking legs with this
cane of mine!"

Charles and Susan slipped out of the bed, convinced
that she would follow through with the threat. Both
did their best to cover themselves with sheets, but
their efforts were halted quickly when Grandmother
commanded, "Don't bother covering yourselves! Leave
those sheets on the bed. I'm not going to see anything
that I've never seen before!"

The unhappy couple slinked over to the love seat in
embarrassment. He had his hands covering his crotch
trying to his his cock. She held an arm across her
breasts and a hand covering her pubic region. Neither
looked or felt very comfortable. They seated
themselves as quickly as they could.

An uneasy silence descended upon the room. The old
woman cleared her throat once. She waited a moment and
cleared her throat a second time. The couple on the
love seat looked at each other nervously. Tired of
waiting, the old woman reminded them, "The tea. Did
you forget the tea?"

Susan leaned forward and poured three cups of tea.
Immediately, a problem arose concerning who was to
take the cup over to the grandmother. Susan was
trapped in the corner and would have to climb over
Charles to get out. She handed the teacup, on a
saucer, to Charles. She then stated, "Would you please
give this to my grandmother?"


Charles looked around as if he had been hit by an
invisible baseball bat. Standing up and covering
himself with one hand, he carefully made his way to
the old woman. She accepted the tea from him and then
balanced it on her knee. She watched, with a twinkle
in her eye, as Charles attempted to back up to the
couch and get seated without exposing anything. 

The old woman took a sip of her tea and crooned, "Ah,
I so love a good cup of Earl Grey Tea in the morning.
I know that some people like English Breakfast Tea
more, but I don't."

Charles stared at her in disbelief, unable to fathom
why she would come up here and babble about teas. He
was beginning to doubt if he wanted to marry into this
family. Susan talked about this grandmother as though
she was some kind of fantastic woman. The only bright
spot in this situation was that Susan looked just as
uncomfortable as he felt. He took a sip of his tea and
waited for someone to say something. As the silence
drew on, he gave up, "So to what do we owe the
pleasure of your company?"

The old woman nodded at him, pleased at the directness
with which he broached the subject. She answered, "The
two of you came here to tell me that you are getting
married."

Susan nodded at her statement of the obvious. She
said, "Yes, we told you that last night."

"That's right, you did," acknowledged the old woman.
She looked at the couple sitting in front of her and
shook her head. She added, "Well, I came here to talk
about your marriage."

"Well, we are planning on having a small wedding. Of
course, you are invited." Charles replied. He was
entertaining second thoughts about inviting the crazy
women, but was smart enough not to say anything.

"I didn't say I wanted to talk about your wedding. I
said that I wanted to discuss your marriage."

Susan leaned forward and gently stated, "We aren't
married yet."

"Of course, that's why it's the perfect time to
discuss your marriage."

Charles, convinced that the woman was batty, tried to
be nice about explaining the situation to the old
woman. He said, "How can we discuss our marriage if we
aren't married?"

"Well, if you were planning on taking a vacation,
would you discuss the vacation before you went on it?
Yes you would, unless you were a total idiot. What
would you discuss? What kind of vacation you want,
where you want to go, what you are going to do when
you get there, and other such topics relevant to a
vacation!"

Susan explained, "A marriage is different than a
vacation."

The old woman continued on as if Susan hadn't said a
word, "Presently you are planning to get married. Now
is the time to discuss the marriage. What are you
going to discuss? What kind of marriage you want, how
are you going to handle various marriage pitfalls, and
other topics relevant to marriage!"

"Um, ah, I hate to tell you this, but being married is
just being married," her granddaughter answered. She
felt that she had a very definite idea of what it
meant to be married.

Grandmother snorted in disdain as she said, "That's
what your mother said when I wanted to talk about
marriage to her. She wouldn't talk and her marriage
didn't last seven years. It only lasted long enough to
produce you and your brother."

"That's because they didn't get along!"

The old woman took a sip of her tea. She smiled up at
the young couple in front of her, amazed at their
naivety. She stated, "When I was young, a minister
told me that sex before marriage was a sin. The only
time one should have sex with your spouse was to have
children. Sex for the pleasure of sex was a sin. I was
to lie there staring at the ceiling while my husband
planted his seed in me. So I guess that is what you
are planning on?"

Charles, incredulous at the idea of a marriage without
sex, burst out, "God no!"

Susan echoed his sentiment, stating, "No way!"

"Oh, so I guess you are going to buy a house with a
white picket fence. Susan is going to quit her job and
act like little Suzy Homemaker while Charles goes out
and earns a living."


"That's closer," replied Susan. She liked the idea of
staying home and raising a family. She wanted to work
for a while before having children, but that was her
basic idea of a marriage. Her kids were going to be
well behaved. She would stay home and make sure that
they did their homework, washed their hands before
every meal, and went to bed on time. Everything was
going to be wonderful.

"Good. She'll pop out a couple of kids and then raise
them. Meanwhile, Charles will work long hours to keep
a roof over your heads and food on the table. He'll
come home late tired from work.  You'll be tired and
cranky from a day full of kids screaming and trying to
keep a clean house. On the weekends, you'll want to
get out of the house and he'll want to stay home and
rest. After a couple of years of that, you won't have
to worry about having sex any more. It will die a
natural death. Maybe you'll do it once a month or so."

Susan and Charles looked at each other for a minute.
The suggested future was not that pleasant. Susan
replied, "No, I don't think that is what I have in
mind."

"Me either."

The old woman took another sip of tea and leaned back
in the chair with a large grin on her face. She asked
the natural question, "So what did you have in mind?"

"Well, I don't know how to answer that."

"Well, you had better know how to answer that. It's
the rest of your life we are talking about!"

"We love each other. We won't end up like you said."

"Bah! Going into a marriage blind is the easiest way
for it to end up like that," snorted the old woman.
"You ever wonder why half of the marriages in this
country end up in divorce? Or why the majority of
those that last end up with two complete strangers
sharing the same house? I'll tell you why. They
thought love would conquer all!"

"Doesn't it?" asked Charles. Despite his rough
exterior, he had the heart of a romantic. 

The old woman finished her tea and beckoned Charles
over. Still covering himself as well as he could, he
stepped forward and took the saucer and teacup.
Backing to the chair, he seated himself and then
placed the cup and saucer on the table. She waited for
a moment and then stated, "Charles, stand up and face
us."

Charles looked at Susan worried that he was going to
have to do it. Susan shrugged her shoulders. The old
woman spat out, "Do it now or you don't get my
blessing. If I have to, I'll cut you out of my will."

Charles stood and stepped away from the love seat. He
stood there uncomfortably as he covered his private
parts with both hands. He challenged, "Are you
satisfied now?"

"Nope, put your hands on your hips."

Charles looked to Susan for help and found none there.
Numbly, Susan just answered, "Do it, honey."

Charles put his hands on his hips. He was not happy
when he turned to the old woman, "Like what you see?"

"My titillation is not the point, young man. I will
get to my point in a moment."

"Well, get on with it."

Susan could see that her fiancée was quickly reaching
the breaking point. She tried to calm things down a
little. She suggested, "Dear, just relax and it will
be over soon."

Grandma snickered, "Now notice that his dingle is
dangling."

Both Susan and Charles rolled their eyes at her
description. Charles retorted, "Of course, I'm not
turned on by you!"

Grandma wasn't phased one bit by his comment. She
stated, "Now imagine that you go into the copy room
and find your secretary kissing another woman."

Charles' cock reacted. Grandma laughed as she stated,
"Notice the dingle has changed its dangle."

Charles blushed while Susan looked over and saw the
result. Grandma continued, "She comes into your office
later and kneels between your legs. Putting her hands
on your thigh, she looks up at you and tells you that
she'll do anything if you don't say a word about what
you saw. Just think of the anythings that you could
request."

Charles cock was now at half-mast. Susan covered her
mouth with a hand and her eyes grew large. Charles
blushed even more. It felt very strange to be standing
naked with a hard-on in front of an old woman. Grandma
continued, "Now you get home and find Susan lying
naked on her bed with her legs spread wide. Her best
friend is naked and is on her hands and knees between
Susan's legs. She's licking Susan's pussy with great
enthusiasm. Don't you think that you'd want to strip
and start fucking her friend while she services your
wife?"

Charles groaned as his cock stood up straight and
hard. Susan was staring at him, surprised that he was
excited by the thought of her and her best friend in
bed together. 

Grandma, looking over a Susan, continued, "Charles
comes home one night with his best friend. Oh, maybe
he's not the best looking man, but you have to wonder
what kind of package he's got between his legs. After
a little wine and dancing, they take you into the
bedroom. While Charles is fucking you doggy style, you
are giving his best friend a blow job. Just imagine
what it feels like to have a cock in your pussy and
one in your mouth. Um, so good!"

Charles cock was twitching as pre-cum coated the head
of his cock. Susan was staring into space. She could
almost feel the cocks in her cunt and mouth. Her chest
was flushed and her breathing was deep. Grandma
stated, "Charles, look at Susan. See how stiff her
nipples are and how wet her cunt is? She's turned on
just as much as you are!"

Charles looked over at Susan and realized that Grandma
was right. He moved over to her and ran a finger over
her cunt. It was drenched. The action brought Susan
back from her imaginary world. Grandma continued,
"I'll tell you one thing. If this little old lady can
get you both so hot just by talking, your marriage
won't stand a chance of lasting unless you decide now
how you are going to handle temptation."

Susan and Charles looked at each other in amazement.
Neither could believe that this old woman had talked
them into an excited state. Somehow, she knew their
most cherished fantasies. Particularly those fantasies
that they had never shared with anyone, especially
with each other. Charles cleared his throat, "What are
you suggesting?"

"I was married for 52 years to the same man. I married
him when I was 18 and he was 22. Every morning we woke
and had sex. Even at 74, he could get it up. That man
sure could fuck."

"Grandma!" replied Susan in a state of shock. She
couldn't believe what her grandmother was saying. Old
people didn't think or do those kinds of things!
Everyone knows that.

"Oh, that man was great in bed. Hell, we fucked four
or five times a week without exception even when we
were in our seventies. If we weren't fuckinghe'd eat
my cunt or I'd suck his cock," the old woman chortled.
She added, "You should have seen the look on the
nurses face when he was in the hospital and she came
in on us making whoopee!"

"Wow!" remarked Charles. He couldn't believe his ears.
He asked, "So what kind of marriage did you have?"

"We had an exceptionally honest marriage. If one of us
wanted to try something, we'd talk it over and then do
it."

Susan frowned as she thought about what that meant.
She asked, "Do you mean you and he cheated on each
other?"

"Not at all! We just had sex with other people."

"Isn't that cheating?" asked Charles. 

"No. Cheating is a form of dishonesty. When you both
agree to it, how can you be cheating?"

"That's not how a marriage is supposed to be!" begged
Susan.

"How's it supposed to be?"

"When you get married your attention focuses on your
husband. He becomes focused on you. You're not
supposed to look at other people."

"Bah! That's hogwash if I've ever heard it. Not
supposed to look at other people? That doesn't take
into account the biological imperative to have
children, girl! Nature drives animals to reproduce
with as many mates as possible. Nature demands you
expand the gene pool and thereby give the most
assurance of survival of your genes. Deny that urge
and your marriage will fail."

Susan stated, "So you are saying that fooling around
with others is okay?"

"I wouldn't call what we did fooling around," the old
woman replied. She stated, "Once a month or so, we
would invite others into our bedroom. We'd have our
fun and that would be that. Nice memories to be
replayed in bed over the month. If it wasn't as much
fun as anticipated, there was always the chance to
have another fantasy fulfilled the next month. We had
quite active imaginations."

Charles, without thinking, asked, "What kind of
fantasies did you have?"

Susan shot a dirty look at him believing that you
didn't ask old people that kind of question.
Grandmother laughed, "Oh, just the standard kind of
stuff. Threesomes, wife swapping, sex with the same
gender, and a little bondage."

Susan looked at her grandmother in shock. She asked,
"You did all that?"

"Of course. I always enjoyed having two men at a time.
Ernie enjoyed two women tremendously. Wife swapping
was a little tough to arrange and from what I
understand, it is still tough to find a couple that's
willing to swap. I ate a lot of pussy in my day. Your
grandfather wouldn't suck a cock to save his life, but
he found a couple of guys that would do that to each
other while we watched. Usually, Ernie would fuck me
like crazy while we were watching. The bondage was a
lot of fun. Oh, I really liked tying him up and doing
things to him. I even fucked him with a dildo once."

"Grandmother!" Susan was shocked to learn the kinds of
things that her grandmother had done. There was no way
that she could picture her grandmother having sex with
another woman. The idea that her grandmother was a
slut destroyed every notion she had about her.

Charles couldn't believe that the old woman sitting in
front of him was that wild. Susan's grandfather must
have died happy, getting screwed to death by his sexy
old wife. His opinion of the old woman went up
significantly even as Susan's opinion of her dropped.
He stated, "Wow, that's amazing!"

Susan looked at him with more than a little disgust.
She stated, "Oh, you like that? You want to be married
to a slut?"

Grandmother laughed aloud. Her eyes sparkled as she
looked at her granddaughter. Rather than being
offended by being called a slut, she knew she had
something to work with. Sly as a fox, she asked, "Oh
and who fantasizes about fucking the best friend of
her fiancée? Just think about it, my dear. That stud
behind you pleasuring you with that nice looking cock
while you are sucking off that other man. The whole
idea makes you hot."

Susan's whole body flushed in reaction to those words.
Even Charles, who tended at times to be rather dense,
recognized the significance of her reaction. He said,
"You really want that?"

Grandmother interrupted, "Before we get into the
details of who wants to fuck who, we've got a few
things to clear up first."

Susan mentally called herself a slut and then pushed
away the thought. She asked, "Like what?"

Now that the topic was back to what she wanted to
discuss, she stated, "Well, the first thing you both
have to identify is what do you want out of the
marriage. Once you know that, you can then decide on
what kind of marriage you want. Then, we have to
identify the problem areas and what you will do about
them when they come up. Remember, it is when they come
up and not if they come up."

The young couple looked at each other for a moment.
Susan now understood why her grandmother wanted her to
stay there for a whole week. She replied, "It actually
sounds like a good idea now that I've thought about
it."

Grandmother stood and said, "One of the bad things
about being an old lady is that your bladder can't
hold water worth shit. I'm going to go to the
bathroom. Why don't you have a quick fuck and then
come down for breakfast. We'll eat together."

Seeing the startled relief on their faces, she stated,
"And don't get dressed. It's too easy to lie when you
are dressed."

Charles, disappointed that he wasn't to dress,
uttered, "Huh?"

"Clothes are the first great lie people tell each
other. People hide who and what they are by wearing
clothes. And Susan, no make-up either. The boy needs
to see when you get flushed with excitement and blush
from embarrassment. He needs to see your erect nipples
as much as you need to see his stiff cock."

The couple watched grandmother leave the room. Susan
turned to Charles and said, "It's going to be a
different kind of week than I expected."

He replied, "I think it's going to be a different kind
of marriage than either of us considered."

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